THE DAILY DIVERSION

I don't really have anything to talk about today, so I guess I'll just ramble a little bit. Wait! I do that everyday, so today's post won't be any different than any other day. Yeah, that sounds much better. I guess there are a couple of things going on here that I can talk about.

First and foremost, George W. Bush is trying to ruin my life! Yes! I said it! Now, where's the Secret Service to take me away as a terrorist? I guess I should tell you why I say that, right?

Well, your good buddy Dubya is in town today for a little sightseeing and some shenanigans. Actually he and the Japanese Prime Minister are kickin' it at Graceland this morning (Why you ask? Supposedly the JPM is a big Elvis fan.) and then heading downtown to get their grub on at Rendezvous for lunch (I don't know if he's a big dry rub Rib fan though. Personally, I'm not, so Rendezvous does nothing for me). So, how does this affect me you ask?

Well, I don't know if you've ever had a President visit your town, or better yet within two blocks of your home and office, but it pretty much puts a stop to everything. They (being the SS. No, not "that" SS, but the Secret Service) lock down two city blocks in every direction. The alley that houses Rendezvous is right next to the Bank, which is half a block away from home (for me and A). This means that John (yes, I'm talking about myself in the third person just this once) is going to have a load of fun trying to get out to enjoy lunch himself this beautiful Friday! I swear, if I have to go have a crappy hamburger at Sam's (which they have other things) then I'm going to be one pissed off camper!

I'm sure we'll have a few Secret Service personnel in the Bank today, just to make sure everything is on the up and up. I wouldn't even doubt they come by and check out each floor, just before Der Presidente shows up. I guess I won't joke around with them too much today! I don't want to end up in jail today, just a few days before my birthday!

I'm not really sure what our plans are for this weekend. I decided to take Monday off, so Adrianne and I could have a long weekend together. We've only got a month before she starts working and then we'll really only have nights and weekends together. So, I've gotta make the most of the time I have right now. Unfortunately, I still have to work all the rest of the days.

I did get some good news the other day though. I've been given my wings back. It's been quite some time since I got to travel for work. Even the two new girls have gone on two trips since starting. I haven't seen the road since last September, when I went to Houston for a week. Originally, I didn't think I'd get to go on this trip either, since my big project starts up again in July. Anyway, I get to go to Atlanta for a week. This provides me a couple of good opportunities.

First and foremost, I can take Adrianne with me. It's like a free vacation for her. The hotel room is paid for. All we have to do is pay for her meals, since mine are covered by the bank. Next, I'll get to see one of my lifelong friends that I rarely see. As a matter of fact, I haven't seen him since this time last year, when I went to Atlanta for work. Hopefully we can squeeze in some time together again.

It's going to be a little hectic though. The weekend that I have to report to Atlanta just happens to be our Goddaughter's first birthday, so we, being good Godparents, are going to be there. Usually I would fly to Atlanta (which Atlanta's airport sucks!!!), but since we're driving to Owensboro, we're just going to leave the Boro on Sunday and drive to Hotlanta.

Then, when we leave Atlanta on Friday, we have to swing through Memphis, for a change of luggage, so we can head to Missouri for my annual family reunion. I have no choice this year. I didn't make it last year, and I won't be there for Thanksgiving this year, so I have to be there. I like seeing most of my family, though, so it's all good. I just wish it wasn't so fast. It seems like I get ZERO time to actually spend with anyone. We swoop in Friday night, sleep, get up, go to the reunion for several hours, go home, sleep, get up, and head home. That's the extent of the weekend. When exactly are businesses going to start going to the five day weekend and two day work week again? Not soon enough!

Well, I've got a deadline now to finish up a bunch of work I have on my desk, so I suppose that means I need to get to work. Actually, I came in this morning and actually started working before I did any playing. I haven't even read the newspaper yet! How about that?

Okay, so don't expect much out of me until next Wednesday, but I may surprise and post a little something over the weekend. Remember, I'm still a little kid when it comes to fireworks, and they're supposed to have a huge fireworks display downtown on Monday, which I think my lady and I will be hanging out on the rooftop to admire. If it's really good I'll probably get on here and rant and rave about it, just like a little kid would do!

Have a great 4th of July weekend!

Okay, so I try not to hype up too many things, mainly because I don't want people to have any preconceptions before they go in, but I'm going to break the rules this time. We went and watched "Superman Returns" last night. Adrianne said it was exactly what she thought it would be, and her Dad enjoyed it too. However, I felt completely different about it.

I LOVED IT!

I mean, I couldn't stop smiling from the second the lights dimmed. I tried not too get myself to worked up about it, but it didn't work. As soon as Adrianne told me we had our tickets to the 7:10 showing on the giant screen at the Peabody 22 I was antsy. We couldn't get through dinner and into our seats fast enough for me. By the way, we were the first people in the auditorium, and I got the exact seats I wanted. We sat dead center, with no one behind us (there was wheelchair accessible space behind us, but no seats). It was beautiful!

I guess I've always been a closet Superman freak. Hell, I still have my Superman blankey that I got when I was three years old (just happened to coincide with the release of the first Christopher Reeve edition, and it's one of the very few things that I have that links me to my childhood when my parents were still married, and it's still in good shape. Now the last part is the scariest!).

Anyway, we got through the stupid commercials (not the trailers, but commercials). Really, it's not like we're not bombarded with commercials for Sprite and Verizon Wireless in our everyday lives? Can't I get a little reprieve when I go to see a movie? I guess not! I love trailers though. I saw the trailer for Spiderman 3, and it looks stunning. I'm just trying to figure out who Topher Grace is portraying in the movie? Sandman maybe? Oh yeah, Venom is in there also. I know I'm looking forward to it!

That's the only trailer I can really remember, just because it stuck out in my mind, also, because it was Spiderman. When the movie started and I heard that familiar music again, I almost started shaking. I don't really remember seeing the first one in the theaters, but I did the second and third, and it's just something about "that" music that gets me excited.

Now, I'm not going to talk about everything that happened in the movie and ruin it for everyone, but, I will say this... Don't waste your time and go see something else this weekend. Go see Superman Returns. It's worth seven, eight, ten, or even fifteen dollars to see it for yourself. Well, at least to me anyway. This is how you know it gets my seal of approval... I would pay to go see it again, in a heartbeat. The last movie I said that about, and actually did it was V for Vendetta. Now I'm just waiting for that to come out on DVD so I can buy it.

So, all in all, I loved the new Superman movie. I think the new kid, Brandon Routh, did an excellent job. He didn't seem to be inexperienced in anyway, and actually paid great homage to all of the "supermen" that came before him. The director did a wonderful job of paying respect to the Superman 1 and 2, which is appreciated, without leaning solely on them for a story. I was iffy at first about Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor, but he did an admirable job. The kid that played Jimmy Olsen played the part to a "T". I sincerely hope they can keep the cast together and make two or three more, just like this one. Hopefully they don't lose their way like their predecessors (who made 3 and 4, UGH!). They've built some very good story lines, and hopefully we won't have to wait upteen years for the next one.

In other news, Adrianne and I got her a new phone the other day (she accidentally broke her RAZR last week). We order her one of the new Slvr L6 (not the one with Itunes) unlocked, so she could still use it if we changed service providers. Well, the silly thing doesn't come pre-equipped as a quad band phone, and the only band it's missing is the one for Cingular. Is that the dumbest thing you've ever heard. They equip it for everywhere else but the US. Silliness, I say! So, I'm working on modifying the phone to open up the quad band for her, so it can be used. It's really a lot simpler than it sounds. It just took me a while to get the right tools I needed, but I got everything I needed just before we left for dinner last night. Now I just have to sit down and get it done so my Honey will have a working phone. Lucky for her I didn't listen to her (and throw away all my old phones and stuff, although I did throw away the charger for the Nokia) so she had a back-up phone. It's just not a pretty as her RAZR. However, being as beautiful as she is, she really doesn't need a "pretty" phone.

Okay, I'm done being a cheeseball for today. I've got to get some stuff done around here or I'm going to have some people very pissed at me. I'm still not really in the groove of working. I just can't get myself to really want to do anything while I'm here. Usually I just thinking about being at home with Adrianne, or back at the resort in Mexico. Yeah, I need a vacation!

There comes a time in a man's life that he has to do what's right, instead of what he wants to do. This time, for me, came yesterday. Personally, I wanted to "veg out", play XBox, and watch TV all night. That's my idea of a relaxing evening, even though playing XBox tends to get me riled up. However, now that I'm a married man, I have to think about more than just myself. It's about "us". We're a team in this battle (whatever the battle may be)!

So, I had my options... Do what I wanted, or do what was right. I made my decision very early. Actually, I had been planning it for a while, and, I thought, Adrianne would be surprised. Yeah, I was wrong about the last part. I can't get anything over on the girl. She's just too smart! That, or she just knows me too well, which could be a bad thing, because I won't be able to surprise her in the future with good things.

Anyway, Adrianne had been beating me up about taking her to see a romantic movie, just the two of us. She had even picked out the movie, long before it was released. All I heard from her was "I want you to take me to see 'The Lake House'! It's got Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. It looks so good."

I fought and fought. "Dammit! I don't want to see it. I have no interest in it. You know I'm not a fan of Keanu "Like Wow?" Reeves!" On and on it went. I can't even remember when the conversation started, but it had been quiet as of late. I was hoping she had just forgotten the movie was out, that way I could spring my trap. In my head it was all so perfect! I just didn't expect Adrianne to know what I was up to.

So, I had been planning to take her to see this movie as our one month anniversary present. We're striving to spend as little money as possible until she starts working. So far, so good! However, that means that I can't go splurge to buy her a real present (and she'd know anyway, since she tracks my bank account daily now), so I have to make due. I walked over to the Peabody Place 22 at 3:30 yesterday to pre-purchase our tickets. I will say this... Prior to moving here I'd never had the option to purchase movie tickets at a kiosk that takes debit/credit cards. It was always waiting in line, cash only. Now, I will never wait in line to get a ticket to any movie, when I have the option to "quick purchase". It only takes milliseconds. I can't understand why everyone doesn't do it. I just stroll up, insert my card, select my movie, via the touch-screen, my tix print out, and I'm on my way to watch my flick. Meanwhile, all of the peasants are standing in line wondering if they are going to make it to their movie on time. I love it!

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah! So, I went and picked up the tickets yesterday afternoon, while I was supposed to be at work. My co-worker, Kenny, walked with me. He was bored anyway, so why not take a short stroll?

Now I just had to wait until I got off of work to "surprise" her with the tickets. I get home just after five, and she's dressed to go over to Mud Island for a Pilates class with Mary Jo. I can't remember what she said that gave me the opening for my "surprise" (yes, I'm going to keep putting the word in quotes, because it wasn't really a surprise), but it gave me the opportunity to say (in my best "well, I did something bad" voice), "Yeah, about that..."

Her response, verbatim... "What now?"

Like I actually screw up everyday or something? Occasionally I make a bad decision, but I tend to think they are few and far between. Obviously she feels a little different!

So, I reach into my wallet and get the tickets out. She's working in the laundry room, getting some clothes out of the washer and putting them in the dryer. I walk in and say... "Yeah, about that" in a little different tone, as I lay the tickets down on top of the washing machine in front of her.

I didn't quite get the response I was hoping for, but she was happy nonetheless. I'm thinking she was already discouraged about the idea that I had made a bad decision or something, and couldn't quite grasp the idea that I was trying to surprise her. It probably didn't hurt that she was in a hurry to get the laundry moved so she could leave to make her Pilates class at 5:30.

So, she exits the apartment, leaving me up to my own devices. "Well, I guess the XBox is calling my name!" immediately comes to mind. "I should be able to squeeze a couple of games in before she gets back, then we'll head off to the movie. Yippee!" Obviously I'm thinking this to myself. If I were actually talking aloud, then I'd ask anyone reading to go ahead and come down and have me committed to a nut house (Ooh! Another non-PC term! I need to be a little more sensitive!).

I'm still not sold on seeing the movie. For some reason (and most men know the reason) I'm just not interested. It didn't help that there was a 10:15 showing of Superman Returns that night too, just to throw me off! However, I know that my Boo is the most important thing in the world to me, and if she wants to see this movie, then I'm going to take her.

I get into my games. I finish off the first one pretty quickly, and start up a second one. This one is taking significantly longer, and, before I know it, it's nearly 6:30. "Holy Shit! I forgot that we haven't eaten!" Again, in my head.

I start to scramble around looking for something to cook for our "anniversary dinner". I knew she would be expecting something. I usually cook on nights she goes to Pilates, so why would tonight be any different? I whip something up and, luckily, it is ready just as she walks in the door. "Whew!"

We eat rather rapidly (it was 7 pm before we got started) so we could change clothes and get to our movie on time. We get our acts together and head out the door at 7:30 (our movie starts at 7:50). <--Insert to story, see below--> We make it to our movie at 7:45, and are the only people in the theatre, yet Adrianne still tells me not to talk so loud. How, exactly does that work out?

We are joined by probably 8 other people during the previews. On a side note, I can't wait to see the new "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie! I loved the first one, and this one looks even better, if that is humanly possible. Besides "What's Eating Gilbert Grape", I have loved every one of Johnny Depp's movies. So, I guess I'm a fan of his?

The movie was actually pretty good. It didn't really have any of those "choke up" scenes where even the toughest of men think about crying. However, it had a good story. It did tend to drag a bit though. It was kind of slow in developing in spots, but all in all it was good. I'm not saying I suggest everyone go out and see it though. Don't get me wrong! Adrianne said we should've gone to see "The Breakup" instead. If that tells you anything? (she'd already seen "The Breakup" by the way)

So, we enjoyed the movie together and walked home so we could go to bed and start a new day. However, as we're walking home, we talk about the movie and things, and, of course, I ask the question "Were you surprised?" Her answer, while not necessarily put this way, was "No". I think she actually said "Well, I knew you'd come around for a important occasion." That's my wife! She's always a step ahead of me!

Yes, finally, that's the end of the story!

Here's my inserted story: I'd yet to have any real run-in's with panhandlers or bums down here. At least one's that made me feel uncomfortable. Well, that streak was successfully ended last night, and it really put me in a weird place for a while afterwards. I'm still thinking about it, which is even worse. Adrianne and I were walking to the movies and I saw him from a block away. He had just finished trying to hustle some other people and was heading across the street, until, of course, he saw us. He immediately made his way directly for us. When I saw his change course I said "Oh shit! Here we go!". I just have a nose for these assholes.

He walks up on us and immediately starts in with "Hey man, hey man!" and tries to shake my hand. I'm holding Adrianne's hand with my right hand and just kind of waved at him with my left. I didn't want to shake his hand, obviously. Before he can even get started in his rambling I say "Sorry man" and we're walking off. He grabs my left arm and yanks it. I immediately say "Don't fuckin' grab me!" and he's walking off yelling something.

See, this is shit I don't want tourists in my city to deal with. It's things like this that runs them away and keeps them away. They hear one story like this and all of a sudden Memphis is a dangerous town. Don't get me wrong, Memphis is a dangerous town, but not usually downtown, as much as other places. I put up with it, because I live down here. I've seen this guy probably five or six times before, and obviously he doesn't recognize me from the other times I've said "I can't help you, sorry". I'm just hoping he doesn't recognize me the next time either. Now I just have to figure out how not to make myself look like a tourist. I don't think that it really matters, because they see a white couple down here and immediately think we're stupid and will give them money. The funniest thing is that neither one of us had a dime on us last night.

Okay, I got it out, so I feel better. Adrianne told me to forget about it last night, but I couldn't. I was still thinking about it during the movie and when we went to bed. I guess I'm not really worried too much about myself, but more about her, if she happens to be walking around by herself. I wouldn't want one of these guys to be that aggressive with her, or my Mom, Sis, etc.

I guess what makes it worse is that it happened right in front of the Peabody, where a lot of people could see it, and there wasn't a police officer within earshot, for a change. Usually there are police officers everywhere around the hotel. This time I wish there had been one, but there wasn't. Oh well!

Well, we have survived the first month of being married! It's all downhill from here, right? Actually, I'm surprised my beautiful wife hasn't killed me yet! I've lived by myself for the better part of, well, most of my life, so living with me can be quite tedious.

Sure, I had a sister and step-sisters, but I always had my own bedroom, and my own "personal space". I've always been able to do as I please, when I please. It's part of "being a man", or something like that.

I'm hoping to be married for another 750 months. Yes, that is sixty-two and a half years, or 22,813 days, which would put me at the ripe old age of ninety-three when I kiss this silly little planet goodbye. I don't know why that number came up, but it popped into my head and sounds good.

Thus far our trials and tribulations have been very small. Obviously she was worried about getting a job, but that's been handled. Oh, did I not mention that? She accepted a job offer from the Shelby County School System last Monday, after her first, and only, interview with the Principal. Yeah, I knew it would happen, and Honey... I told you so!

Anyway, she signs her "official" paperwork tomorrow morning. Then she'll officially be a contributing member of society. She kept telling me not to tell a bunch of people after she accepted the job, because she didn't feel like she had a job, but I said "Hogwash! (okay, maybe I didn't use that word, since I rarely do) If they offered you a job, and you accepted it, then you have a job. It's all just paperwork after that!" So, we're only about a month away from her starting her career. How fun is that?

Well, for me, starting my career sounded great. Riches! New cars! Big house! All that jazz! Now? Well, not so much. Don't get me wrong, because I don't mind working occasionally, really! I do enjoy collecting a paycheck and not living off my fellow taxpaying Americans. I do wish some others felt the same way though, but that's another story altogether.

However, if I were the boss, we'd have a little different schedule. I, sure as hell, wouldn't be here at 8 in the morning. Really, what gets done that early? Upper management never comes down at 8, on the dot, and says "Where's my such-and-such?" It just doesn't happen. They never schedule meetings that early, so they don't need things that early. If you notice, most meetings are scheduled around 10:30 or 11:00, just so they can end them to go to lunch. Otherwise they have them at 1 pm, so everyone has already had lunch. They also don't schedule meetings for 4 pm either. The latest you'll see a meeting, unless it's an absolute emergency (like the company is being sold), is at 3:30 pm.

If I had my way, our hours would be from 10 am to 2 pm, with a lunch break sandwiched in there (probably 30 to 45 minutes), and give employees a couple hour break (to take care of some things they need to take care of, like pick up the kids from school, go get their dry-cleaning, catch a little "afternoon delight", etc). Then everyone would come back from 4 pm to 7 or 8 pm, just depending on how much stuff we have to do.

I know this doesn't work for some people, because they are "morning people" or have other obligations in the evenings (church, kids, family, stripping). By the way, what exactly is a "morning person"? There's no way in hell anyone should be up that early, and be happy about it at that! Well, farmers are an exception I guess! That's why I'm not a farmer. I'm not built to get up before 9:30 am. That's why I'm pretty much worthless at work until 10 am. My bosses have even figured it out. They won't bring me anything notable to work on until at least that time, otherwise they don't know what the outcome will be.

Okay, so I've rambled on a little bit today. I have a tendency to do that. Somewhere in here I had a point. I just can't remember what it was. See! This is why I don't do much before 10 am!

On to something else... Adrianne and I had a funny conversation last night. A little background information to start with though... I have a duplicate of her old Kentucky driver's license (because she forgot it here once and got another one made when she got back home, and it was just easier for me to carry her DL when we go to bars and such) and she needed me to make a copy of her TN DL and some other paperwork for her "signing day" tomorrow, so we traded off for the day. Anyway, I put the two DL's next to each other and called her over.

"Honey, do you see something familiar here?"
"Huh?"
"Look at the two pictures. What do you see?"
"Oh, the head turn?"
"Yeah, what's that all about? You do it in every picture."
"That's what we were always told to do when taking school pictures, and I just got used to doing it, so I do it all the time. Don't you?"
"Umm... No."

It is spooky, because I've thought about all of the pictures I've taken of her over the nearly four years we've been together, and it's true. She almost always tilts her head toward her left shoulder. The wackiest thing about it is that her Mom does the same thing. I think it's genetic. I must've had a different school picture taker or something?

All of this gets me to thinking... Genetics are crazy things. Especially the little quirks. I don't know of a lot of things that I do that are like my parents, but I know of a couple. When I'm thinking hard I tend to scratch my head, and then smooth my hair down. Supposedly my Dad does the same thing (Adrianne verified this). My Mom, Sis, and I all have a freckle on the inside of one of our ankles. Mine is on the opposite foot than my Sis and Mom's though.

Adrianne and her Mom have the exact same smile when they don't want to smile. We call this the "fake smile". I have to coax Adrianne to smile, or just catch her off guard. Usually I just grab the camera when she's not looking, strip all of my clothes off, and yell out "Honey look!" That usually ends up being a funny picture. Most of the people around us, at those times, aren't too happy about it though!

Adrianne and I had a pretty good weekend. Obviously it wasn't long enough, but I've complained about that enough before. I had forgotten how insanely boring the drive from here to Owensboro really is, but now my mind has been adequately refreshed. Hopefully next time we can go a different route to get up there. If I never see the William H. Natcher Tollway again, it would be too soon. It is, quite possibly, the longest, most boring 70 miles of asphalt ever created. I was okay driving on Friday night until I put those four pieces of rubber on it. I hadn't even cracked a yawn yet, prior to branching off of I-65 on to it. However, as soon as I did it was "sleepy time". Maybe just knowing that I have one more hour left just sends me to that special place that I don't want to go? I don't know, but we've got some traveling ahead of us in the next few months, so I'd better get used to it.

Okay, now on to a few sad facts...

1) Outside of my face and hands, barely any part of body has seen any sunshine since we were in Mexico (nearly a month ago now), until this weekend. This is really sad to me, because this is my existence. I live at work. I see every beautiful day through a window. I live my life on the beach vicariously through what I see on the television. It's a horrible way to live, but I guess being able to afford to live is a little more important, sometimes?

2) I can be a really, really grumpy (and I mean GRUMPY) bastard when I'm tired. Even more so after driving for five hours. I think I lose a little bit of my soul every time I do it? I just realized that I need to say "I'm sorry" to Adrianne about 95 times just to make up for what a shit I was being on Friday night when we finally reach our destination. As if stubbing both my big toe and pinky toe weren't punishment enough! So, I'm sorry! That's number one!

3) Prior to this weekend, I hadn't even had the thought of swimming, since we were in Mexico. I've seen at least a few bodies of water, namely the Mississippi River and a couple of ponds, but those don't really entice me to do any swimming. It was so nice to actually jump in the pool and splash around like a little girl! No, I wasn't wearing my Speedo! Which was much to the dismay of everyone else at the pool.

4) Both Adrianne and I thought that the one month anniversary of our wedding was on Wednesday (the 28th), when we both knew that we were married on May 27th. To make this fact even sadder, we were both kind of dreading the day, but, only because her Dad is supposed to come down and visit that day. Her relationship with her Dad isn't quite like mine with my Dad, but it has some similar qualities. I'm still up in the air on him visiting, but I think I actually like the idea. This way he can see the kind of life that his daughter is living, and maybe he'll understand some things. Who knows? This is another situation where only time will tell.

5) It's been a month, and I'm still not used to my wedding band. I fidget with it all the time. I spin in on my finger and actually take it on and off. It doesn't bother me too much, but it does when I'm typing. I have my fingers pretty spread out when I'm typing, and it moves on my finger, just a little bit, and rattles up against the adjoining fingers. I'm sure I'll grow accustomed to it in time. Adrianne already has a suntan line with hers. I must move mine too much, because I have no such trace. However, you could review #1 on this list for another answer.

Yesterday, after going to church in Owensboro, we headed to Bowling Green to see my Mom and Sis. I didn't get around to making the "picture to DVD" presentation I had wanted to make for my Sis before they came down last weekend, so I worked on it last week. Well, yesterday I delivered. Yes, it was the infamous "Speedo" DVD. It's not pretty! Let me just tell you that.

I took all of the pictures I had, put them in a slideshow presentation, complete with captions on almost every picture, and accompanied the pictures with music. You could probably guess the songs I chose, but I'll tell you anyway. "I'm too Sexy" and "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini" are what I put on there. Sadly enough, they fit pretty well. We were all dying laughing at my shenanigans when we watched it. Well, Adrianne may not have been, since she saw them in person (and took all of the pictures) and has seen the pictures at least a thousand times now.

My Mom actually said "I sometimes wonder if he actually is mine" yesterday. I just told her that it's my job to keep her on her toes, and I strive to do that!

Now, the video has been viewed by a few other people, and I'm somewhat concerned about where it will end up. Luckily my Sis hasn't dabbled in web production, so I don't think it'll end up on the internet (unless Adrianne puts it on there, which might just happen, out of spite). However, I'm sure it will make its rounds in the PPG (that's the company my Sis works with) world, which could be even worse. Hell, I might just end up being their "sexy" poster boy! Who knows?

I just realized that I won't be able to have a political career, if that happened to come calling. There's just too much damning information available on me. Oh well! I'm corrupted enough, without being a politician! Maybe I'll start modeling?

Okay, so I wasn't planning on a second post today, but I took a break from working to read the Owensboro newspaper. If you don't really know me, then here's a quick breakdown... I lived in Bowling Green until I finished high school, then I went to college in Owensboro. Before I completed my degree I began working up there, so, naturally, I stayed after getting my degree. For some reason (fate possibly, since I ended up meeting Adrianne there), I ended up staying in Owensboro a lot longer than I probably should have. Then, just over two years ago I got a job offer down here in Memphis. So, here I am. I still read the Owensboro newspaper from time to time. Not so much now that Adrianne is down here with me, as I did when she was up there. I tried to keep up with what was going on up there, just in case!

Anyway, I've spent countless hours complaining about life in Owensboro. I'll still talk about why I choose to (probably) never live there again (unless Adrianne really, really needs to, and, of course, I would make that concession for her. She'd just have to deal with me making a lot less money again).

Today, while reading the Messenger-Inquirer (which, stupidly enough, you have to pay to view on the internet, but I have a little cheat for that situation), I came across just one more reason why I'm happy not living there anymore. This is a letter to the editor (called "Reader's Writes") that was published today:

Those who protested 'Da Vinci Code' proved faith

Readers Write

06/23/06

Messenger-Inquirer

On May 19, "The Da Vinci Code" was released to all theaters. This film is offensive to all Christians and especially to Catholics. It attacks the purity and divinity of Our Lord that suggests Jesus and Mary Magdalene were married and had a child and that the Catholic Church hid the secret for 2,000 years.

Catholics in Owensboro and across the nation offered an act of reparation to Our Lord by peaceful protests against this offensive movie. Most reactions from passers-by were positive; one couple stopped, said we had stopped them from seeing the movie, and one very nice police officer thanked us for what we were doing and said to let him know if we had any problems.

The Archbishop of Atlanta, Wilton D. Gregory, addressed a letter to "All Christians and people of good faith, rising to oppose the fraud of The Da Vinci Code." He said in part: "I send my support and my encouragement to all those who will be praying and protesting during these upcoming days, against the lies presented in The Da Vinci Code. I encourage all Christians to reject this film based on the book. Neither can be passed off as innocent entertainment or fun, for the undermining of faith they promote is a trick -- and we know who the ultimate author of the trick really is."

To all who protested and especially those who stood in the rain, you proved your faith and love for our Lord.

Martha L. Hall

2603 Darby Dan Court, Owensboro

Okay, first and foremost... HUH? How does one "prove their faith" by protesting a fictional body of work? I don't understand? It perplexes me to see people waste perfectly good time with things like this. I could understand if the book/movie said it were factual (from real events) and reportedly "proved" that all the events detailed therein were true.

However, IT'S FUCKING FICTION PEOPLE!

Do you not understand that? Did you protest X-Men 3 because Cyclops supposedly dies within the first 15 minutes of the movie, saying that in "real life" he doesn't die? No? Why not? I may have to go back in read all of my comic books, but I don't really remember Cyclops being killed by the Phoenix.

I know, yesterday, that I said I was trying to trim down my complaining. However, I will never stop complaining about idiots that use their religion as an invisible bubble to shelter them from the outside world. EVER!

I know several Catholics (including my beautiful wife - who's actually reading my blog daily now!!) who have read the book, seen the movie, and love both of them. They get it! They understand it is FICTION. At the same time, it doesn't make them question their faith. It also doesn't "disprove" their faith. If anything, it's made some of them look a little deeper into their religious sources (scriptures, etc) to find out more about the life of Jesus, Mary Magdalene, and others who played a role in the biblical verses. That's not a bad thing. It's only a bad thing when you start questioning your faith or turning your back on God because of these things. Those two things are even more idiotic than the people protesting the movie. If you whole-heartedly believe, then only catastrophic events should be able to shake your faith. A simple fictional novel can't be classified as a catastrophic event, in my view anyway. I may be wrong though. I have been before, and I will be again. I'm sure of that!

So, instead of writing to the Messenger-Inquirer, like I've done a bunch of times, and calling this woman an idiot in front of all of her friends and fellow protestors, I've decided to lambaste her on the internet, using my own little blog. If she, or any of her friends don't like it, well, they can email me (my email address is just to the right of this entry, and especially if she doesn't like it, please send all emails to the second address listed! I'll be sure to respond promptly!) or leave me some comments. I'm happy to get any feedback!

Really, is it my fault people are like this? Should I feel bad for trying to distance myself from people who do this kind of stuff, when they could be using all that time and energy they wasted to actually help their fellow man?

As a Christian, which do you think God and Jesus would rather you do? Protest a movie based on a work of fiction, or volunteer (however many hours you would put into the protest) in a homeless shelter to feed and show some compassion to those that are needy?

I guess it all depends on what kind of God you believe in?

Okay, so I've decided that it may be in my best interest not to watch shows like CSI or anything on A&E during "Serial Killer Week". The reason I say this is because things from shows like these leak into my subconscious, and it can get ugly and/or scary!

Due to one of my dreams last night I've decided to use today's entry to discuss some things that I wish I wouldn't dream about. Maybe this will help keep them out of my head for a little while?

1) Work. I cannot stand actually dreaming about being in the office. It's not like I don't spend enough time here in my life, now it has to trickle into my world away from here too? Funk that!

2) Anything bad happening to my Mom, Sis, or Adrianne. I used to have these horrible dreams about something happening to my Mom and I'd just wake up drenched in sweat and crying. I'd usually get up and walk around a little bit, just trying to shake the thoughts. Sometimes it worked, other times I'd just end up laying there in bed unable to go back to sleep because I was scared the dream would start up again.

3) Driving. Anytime I have a dream that I'm driving, or in a car, it always ends up bad. I've gotten to the point that I hope I wake up as soon as I see myself getting into a car. Luckily I don't have these dreams too often.

4) This is probably the last one, and what this whole post is about... Me dying. I had a couple of horrific dreams last night, and they both worked together against me. The first one had me viewing this forest. I just kind of was standing there looking at all of the trees. I think I was explaining to someone that I'd seen something in there, and was trying to find it again. That's when I saw it. There was an lifeless arm that was bound by the wrist to a pretty small tree. The tree was bloody right where the binding occurred. I couldn't see what/who the rest of the arm was attached to (at that time). I'm pretty sure we (whomever I was talking to) left to get some help.

I know I woke up out of this dream, but I fell back to sleep and we're at the forest. Once again I'm standing, looking at the forest. I'm looking for the arm. Then I see it, but there's more this time. I can see the shape of the head, and it looks strangely familiar. I get a little better look and find out that it's my head and body laying there in the leaves and brush. I can't see my face perfectly, but I know the shape of my head, face, and nose, and it's me, certainly.

I immediately wake up. This is just one more time that I'm completely soaked in sweat (that's been a lot this week, since it's been so humid here, and, for some reason, its like the A/C doesn't work in our bedroom or something). I think I talked to Adrianne, but that may have been a dream too. I was so out of it. I'm starting to wonder if my dreams are causing me to hallucinate. I just know that I don't want to have too many more dreams like this.

Okay, so enough of the bad stuff for today. It's ugly here today. We've got thunderstorms, supposedly, all day and night. So, that means Adrianne and I will be taking the Nashville route to Owensboro tonight. Yippee!! I absolutely hate going that way. It's so boring! Also, we have to drive on the ever-sleep-inducing Natcher Parkway. Well, at least we're driving it together now, so it won't be like I'm doing it all alone! If you happen to read this, have a great weekend!

I try to tell myself this all the time, but it just does no good. However, I am trying, desperately, for the sake of my lovely wife, to calm down a little bit on it. I complain about the most stupid of things too. Sadly, most of them are things I cannot control, which makes it even more idiotic to do.

My first, and biggest, problem is complaining while I'm driving. I know that I have no control over anyone else on the road, yet I still verbally assault them, even though they can and never will hear me. This is a tough one for me, mainly because there will always be idiots driving while I'm driving. I'm working on it. Seriously! (luckily I don't drive much anymore)

The next thing that I complain a lot about is (what I call) stupid people. This is a huge category, partly consumed by my fellow drivers, but entails people I see on the street every day to reality TV to... well... just plain idiots! We've all dealt with them. Sometimes its the woman trying to return something at TJ Maxx, who's obviously worn and washed the garment, doesn't have the receipt, and tore the tags off of the thing, yet still has the nerve to argue with the employee that they deserve their money back, just because they don't like it.

Other times we encounter those people at restaurants that, no matter what the server, manager, or Jesus himself, does, they will not enjoy their meal. Their fajitas are just too hot, or their ice cream is way too cold. The ice isn't clear enough in their White Russian. The Garlic Mashed Potatoes taste like garlic. I'm working on figuring these things out. Anyway, it really takes a lot for me to get angry about a meal that I don't have to prepare. I don't complain too much about service and/or food, but I'll dog the other dipshits around me for doing it all day every day.

Here in Memphis I see some real doozies! I especially enjoy the fellas driving around in 1972 Olds Cutlass Supreme's with four different colors (two of them primer, one rust, and one the original color) on it, but having brand new 22 inch chrome rims and a $5,000 stereo, complete with a rattling trunk (anyone know that if you're going to pay real money on a car stereo system, then you're going to get your trunk lined with Dynamat to keep it from rattling, DUH!). Or, you see folks rollin' around in high-gloss "Ladies" (Escalades for the lay-person) or "Gatas" (guess what that is), but step out worn-out assed clothes, or better yet a fuckin' beater! (yes, a wife-beater! You know, plain, tank-tank, white t-shirt?) However, their babies will have on Sean John jeans, a FUBU button up, and a new pair of Jordans. Yes, I think "Priority Express" missed the delivery at their house/apartment/project that day.

Anymore, I just shrug these last couple of folks off, mainly because I see them WAY too often, so I guess it's just a cultural thing here. However, they still fit into my all encompassing "stupid people" list. There are times when I fit into the list myself, but I won't say when. I'm sure Adrianne could easily point a few out for us, if asked (stop emailing me asking for her phone number and/or email address!).

Lastly, the most stupid thing that I constantly complain about... Video Games. Yes, I'm incessant! I can win a basketball game by 30, shoot 15 under in a round of Tiger Woods, or beat another team in baseball by 10 runs, and still find something to complain about. Right now, my biggest peeve with the game I'm currently wearing out (MVP '06 - NCAA College Baseball) is that when I take a no hitter deep in the game the computer will start trying to bunt on me to break it up. I've had it happen in a ton of games. My pitchers are pretty good, and I work the strike zone very well, then I have all of that ruined by a jackass bunting in the top of the 8th inning!! Blasphemy!! If that happened in any baseball game from high school up to the pros, you could count on one of two things: 1) The next batter is wearing a baseball as a nose piercing, or 2) There's a fist-fight between the coaches after the game. You just do not bunt to break up a no-hitter that late. Whomever the programmer was that put that little trick in the game should have his ass kicked repeatedly until he goes back to programming fuckin' Super Mario Brother's games (which are dead and should stay that way!). What a prick!

Anyway, these are just a few of the things I'm trying to work on as a person. Really, I don't want to get all up in an uproar over these things, but, dammit, everyone can't really be this dumb! Right?

(Yes, I was full of self-righteous indignation today. I apologize! Notice, it took me until three in the afternoon to even get around to my blog today. On another note, all of this is probably because the only dreams I remember from last night were ones where I had to go take a piss. Yeah, that's a lot of fun to talk about!)

Yeah, I like that Marvin Gaye song too. Really, there's not much happening here. I'm working pretty hard. It's kind of difficult to get my job done because I'm currently training someone, while trying to gather some information to cross-train two other people on how to do different parts of my job. So, I'm wearing a few hats, as they say.

This will probably have to be nice and short (like that ever really happens) because I've got to finish gathering my information for a 9:30 meeting. My boss is supposed to be heading up the meeting, but he's got other things he has to take care of, so, it's going to be all me. Ooh!! Responsibility!! Scary!!

Not really, I've already drawn out my gameplan. Yes, I'm anal and I did it the second I got here this morning, while my computer was turning on. That's about how long it took. We're not going into the details today about the two projects, so I just have to give them the basics. It shouldn't take too long, unless I get to talking, which will most likely happen.

There's not too much happening on the home front either. I think Adrianne and I are finally settling into our "home". Truthfully, we haven't had much of a chance to catch out breath since we got back. I'm settling into working, but I know she's not digging being a housewife too much. She's never been locked up in one place that long. I think she's a lot like me, and has held some sort of a job since she was 16. It's tough when you're used to doing something and all of a sudden there's nothing really for you to do.

So, yesterday she ironed my shirts, just to occupy her time. Yeah, that sounds like a ton of fun, right? Well, it's what I usually do on Sunday nights, so what's that tell you about me?

I finally made a phone call last night, and it went pretty well. I never really get a chance to get things off of my chest, but all in all, it was productive. I know most of you (if anyone's actually reading) have no clue what I'm talking about, but a couple do. This is just one of those things that's taking a little while for me to grasp and to be able to talk about. I know, I know! That's odd to hear, coming from me!

Anyway, I've got an hour to take care of a bunch of stuff, so I gotta get to it. Have a great day! Hopefully you won't melt if you go outside! Actually, I did partially melt this morning on my walk to work! I don't have any eyebrows anymore!

Okay, does anyone remember that little ear thing in Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan? Supposedly they'd put it in someone's ear and it would do all kinds of nasty things?

Well, if so, then you now know how I feel today. For some strange reason I think my brain is trying to escape from my head. It also feels like it's a little loose in there too. Like it's rattling around or something.

I don't really remember smoking a buttload of crack last night before I went to bed, but something happened. I had at least four very animated dreams, and then I wake up feeling like this. I don't really remember the dreams, and I didn't get up to write them down, but I know I was woken up out of a dream at least four times. It could've been more.

The only dream I really remember is that Mom, Sis, Adrianne, someone else, and I are eating at a restaurant (on a patio outside) and one of the customers over in the corner, back behind us, is having a problem. They aren't really causing a ruckus or anything, but some jackass at the table next to us says something that was not called for, which brought my Sis to action. She says something like "That was RUDE!", and the guy takes offense to it. He jumps up like he wants to fight or something. I'm the only guy at the table though, and he's with three or four more guys. Before anything can happen the manager comes out and asks us all to leave.

We do. As we're walking away I notice a group of guys kind of circling around us. I know what's going on, but I can't get us out of it quick enough. The original guy from the restaurant cuts in front of Sis and gets in her face, and I have to step up. I wake up and I'm still talking. Maybe I'm not awake. I can't really tell. I know I'm talking, and I think I'm talking to Adrianne about what I should do. I know I end up telling myself to just let it go and think about something else. For some reason I remember sitting up in bed, but I don't know truly what happened. Adrianne was too asleep when I left to ask her anything, so maybe I'll find out later.

I really don't have much else going on here. I finally got something off my chest yesterday and I feel better about it. I still haven't made a decision on what I'm going to do about it, but I'm going to see if fate intervenes first. I have a strange feeling like it actually might. I hope I'm right!

I'm currently working on trying to get most of our "joint" things taken care of. I finally got around to setting up our joint checking account yesterday. Now I just have to wait on the paperwork. Unfortunately, working at a bank, it's not as simple as just walking downstairs and talking to a Customer Service person and setting up an account. We have to jump through a few more hoops and punch a few more buttons. However, we don't have to pay for anything! So, it all works out in the end!

Alright, well, I'm going to get to work. I think? I've got a ton of it to do, and I really need to start getting it done. I've really been a slacker since I got back from the honeymoon. I'm still just not feeling "it". Today is just made worse because of my sinus problems. We'll see how it goes!

Well, really I shouldn't wish for that, simply because we haven't had any for some time and really needed it. However, I'm greedy, and I like to be able to do the things that I want to do. We had plans to go to a baseball game on Saturday evening. My Mom and Sis came down to visit A and I, and we thought this was a safe bet. You can't beat a night at the ballpark!

Well, we got there at 5:30 (the game started at 6:10), and all was well. There were some ominous clouds in the sky, but I didn't think we'd really get too much action. Hell, we'd already had storms earlier that day, so I didn't think we were due for any more. Boy, was I wrong!

Right around 5:50 the skies opened up and dumped layer after layer of rain upon us. It would let up and almost stop completely, then just start absolutely coming down in buckets five seconds later! It really sucked!

I told the crew "If the grounds crew is not out there working by 7:15, then we can just leave. It'll take them at least 45 minutes to an hour, just to get the field ready and for the teams to warm up. So, that would mean the game wouldn't start until 8:00 or 8:15, at the earliest."

By that time Adrianne and Sis were long past ready to leave anyway. Only Mom and I were still holding out a little hope. However, we're the hardcore sports fans of the family anyway, so that's to be expected. Adrianne and Sis were already working up a contingency plan anyway. They were trying to figure out what movie they were going to go see, when we left the ballpark.

Well, 7:15 rolled around and the rain had stopped, for now. The grounds crew was still not out there working, so I gave the "round 'em up" signal and we left. It didn't rain on us for the two blocks we had to walk home, but it sure did look like it wanted to.

When we got back to the apartment, Mom flipped the TV onto the channel that was broadcasting the game, but they were still showing "rain delay" information. Adrianne was quickly hunting up movie times, and I started working on hanging our new shower rod.

We purchased one of those nifty curved rods, like they have in most hotels, and like I always see in SkyMall magazines (when I fly). It is amazing how much more room it looks like you have in your tub! Adrianne and I can actually shower together and have room to dry off inside the curtain without constantly rubbing up against the yucky, wet curtain now. It's a thing of beauty!

Anyway, back to the story! Adrianne and Sis decided they'd go see "The Breakup" while Mom and I stayed home and watched the Cardinals, or the Redbirds, if it actually got underway. When Adrianne got down to the movie theatre she called me to let me know that it wasn't raining at all, and we could go to the game. She was right. It wasn't raining, and the game had started. Mom and I discussed it thoroughly, and decided that staying inside and being dry was much more fun.

The game actually made it to the 6th inning before the skies finally fully opened up and ended the fun. It rained pretty much the entire time they were playing, which would've meant we would've sat in the rain pretty much the entire time we were there. Yeah, that would've been loads of fun!

So, got to see a six inning, one run loss. It wasn't the best in the world, but it was entertaining enough. This opened up another avenue of sports viewing for us though. HBO was showing the Jermaine Taylor and Winky Wright fight, from the FedEx Forum in Memphis, that night.

I'll say this... It's always interesting (to me) to see events on TV held in arenas that you are very familiar with. They always look so different, but there are little things that are the same. I've never attended a fight at the Forum, but I've see a couple on TV now. It's odd, because it doesn't really look like the same place that the Grizzlies and Tigers play basketball in.

Anyway, the fight was a good one, even thought most people had never really heard of either guy. It ended up going all 12 rounds, but ended up in a draw. Winky was pissed and left the ring and didn't show up for the post fight interviews. Frankly, he had the fight won, if he would've done anything in the last round. Instead, he just stayed out of harms way, and ended up getting nothing out of it.

Yesterday was pretty much the same as Saturday, except that it cleared off early that evening and ended up being a beautiful night. Mom and Sis left early in the afternoon, after we got a little lunch. Adrianne and I pretty much did nothing the rest of the day. There was nothing on TV, so we popped a movie in. A little after 5 pm, my neighbor stopped by to invite us over for dinner and to hang out that evening. We gladly accepted, since we were just being bums!

He ended up grilling some red snapper, shrimp, and scallops, and a group of about 10 of us all had dinner up on the rooftop. We enjoyed a wonderful meal, a beautiful sunset, and some good, new friends. It was a good way to end the weekend, even though I wish the weekends never end.

Mom brought down more wedding pictures with her, and we got a chance to check them all out. She did the right thing and had them put on CD's for us. I've already loaded them all on my computer, so now I can print any of them I'd like. I'm not sure how many pictures we have either, but I know it's a TON! An actual metric ton! No kidding!

I ended up making my Speedo picture video for Sis yesterday afternoon too. Let's just say that it's pretty funny! I put the perfect accompaniment music on it too. Now she can enjoy for years to come! I'm still thinking about the calendar idea. I know there are enough pictures for a couple of years, but I'm afraid who's hands it may find it's way into.

One last thing, and I'll be done for the day. I did try to call my Dad yesterday to wish him a happy father's day, but all I got was voicemail. I left him a nice message and hoped he'd call back. However, I got the usual response... Nothing.

Oh well, just another Father's Day I suppose.

(On a side note... I don't know if I should try healing or just let it all go and not think about it. I really hate this feeling. It's the only thing that bothers me, in my life right now. Everything is so good, so why should ONE thing throw a wrench in the machine?)

Okay, so I was going to be "blog lazy" today and not post anything, but, instead, actually get some work done. However, I just got back from lunch and have no desire to actually work, so I got to thinking about some of the amusing things that we encountered on our honeymoon. Enjoy!

The "wet floors" reference comes from our first room at the resort (we ended up getting out of our two double bed room to a King size, like we had requested). Like I said before, it wasn't quite ready for us when we got there, so we went and ate before getting to go put our stuff in the room.

So, we get into the room right around 4 pm on Sunday. As soon as we walk in I almost slip and fall on the tile floor, which is absolutely soaked. I'm not talking about someone just misted the flowers and they got a little water on the floor, but, instead, high tide just ended and the water hasn't subsided back into the ocean yet. It was absolutely ice cold in the room, 20 degrees Celsius (which is 68 degrees Fahrenheit, or 293.15 degrees Kelvin, if you want to be an asshole about it) to be exact, so I immediately thought that it must just be condensation from being so hot and humid outside, mixed with the cold temperature inside.

We dealt with it and tried to just say "Oh well! It's no big deal". That worked until we went to go to bed that night. I don't know about you, but I cannot hop into the bed with wet feet. Have you ever tried it? It's not really a comfortable feeling and, really, it's just weird.

So, we end up grabbing a towel out of the bathroom and setting next to the bed on the floor. That way we can wipe the bottoms of our feet off before we get in bed. That works once, but before long it's just a nuisance having soaking wet floors. We figured at some time they'd finally dry up, but they never did. Finally I just grabbed the foot towel and ran it over every inch of the room, until our floor was as dry as I could get it. I hated ruining a perfectly good white towel, but I was getting to the point that I was worried that one of us would slip and fall and crack our head open. Yes, the floors were that wet!

Oh, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention how weird it is going to the bathroom and having wet feet. It just reminds me way too much of going to the bathroom at a bar and seeing a soaking wet floor, which is the norm. I, sure as hell, wouldn't want to take my shoes off in there!!

What makes it worse is that later on I figured out that it was not condensation on the floors, but they had mopped the floor just before we got there and it never dried because of the cool conditions in our room. I guess if I hadn't have wiped the floors with a towel, then they would've just stayed like that. Do they really think that people like walking around on sopping wet floors? Well, some may, but not us.

The next point I want to talk about must be preempted with a statement, just to keep my ass out of hot water (not saying that the statement isn't true though)...

Disclaimer: I was not checking out other women on our honeymoon. I just see things. Actually I see everything. I remember things that some people never see, even when it's right in front of them. I, also, have a photographic memory, and some things get etched in there that shouldn't be. End Disclaimer.

I noticed that the only people that sunbathe topless were foreign (obviously meaning: NOT AMERICAN). The women that men would like to see topless (probably most of them American) would never think of being out in the sun without their top on, however they will go to the tanning bed butt-asses naked, everyday, just to make sure they don't have any tan lines. Does that make any sense?

That being said... Most of the women who were topless really shouldn't have been (or at least I wished they wouldn't have been). REALLY!!!

I was nearly blinded one day by this (Australian/New Zealander) woman. Really, I couldn't tell where her breasts ended and her stomach began (yes, she was a pretty big woman, torso-wise), and, luckily for me, I only caught a glimpse of her. Adrianne, on the other hand, really checked her out.

Our conversation:

A: "Did you see her?"
J: "Only for a second, thank goodness."
A: "Well, she must've used to have been a lot smaller, because those are a nice set of fake tits (not sure she used that verbage though) she has."
J: "What? You've got to be joking!"
A: "No, check them out. You don't see how perky they are?"
J: "Baby, I'm not looking her direction again unless she's walks right in front of me."

I only saw a couple other women sunbathing topless. One of them, that I actually remember (and it actually wasn't because of her though, but I'll get to that point), had less up top than I do, and I don't really have man breasts either (by any means). Is there a smaller cup size than 'A'? Do they have '-A' or 'aaA' or something? This woman fit that billing, either way.

However, like I said, she wasn't really the reason that I remember her though. It was her husband. I, actually, didn't notice him at first. Adrianne did. She, subtly, got my attention and said "Did you check out his Speedo?"

Since, normally, I don't want to see any man in any Speedo, I replied, "No. What's up with it?"
"Just check it out next time you can."

Talk about a sexy little bitch!! He was rocking a light-tan colored, tiger striped "banana hammock". It really was a thing of beauty. If I would've had something that looked like that, you can bet your sweet ass that I would been letting everyone see it too! Oh, behold the awesomeness of a tiger striped Speedo!! I will never be the same!

Speaking of Speedos...

I believe I posted about my Sister's deal she made with us, prior to our heading to Mexico. Well, I lived up to part of the bargain, BIG TIME! Now, I'm not going to post pictures of me in my "junk locker" because it may just be too much for some viewers (even though I am a sexy little girl). However, we took enough pictures of me "hanging out" in my Speedo to make a 24 month calendar. Man! My Sis didn't know what she was in for when she posed that question!

Now I jsut keep hearing that stupid song "I'm too Sexy" in my head. I'm so glad I lost some weight before we went on the trip!

Yes, I'm actually talking about myself. I just keep thinking to myself "Self, you're getting too old for this shit!".

Back in the day I could go out any night of the week, get absolutely smashed and be on time to work the next day and it not be a big deal. Actually there was a stretch of my time in Owensboro where I would go out 3 or 4 nights during the week, especially during the summer.

Well, I haven't done it in a long time, and it shows. I feel like a warmed over turd today. Originally I was supposed to babysit last night while Adrianne, her sister, and her Mom went out partying. Well, the plan changed and I was sent out with the girls while Mom stayed at the apartment. So, naturally, I call up my homeboy, John, to help entertain for the evening.

In the beginning he really didn't feel like going out, and even partially said "No thanks" to the invitation. I guess that all changed around 8:15, because he came down to the Majestic and joined us while we were eating.

Well, I say we were eating, but it was more like "waiting to eat", since that seems like all we really did while we were there. I could dog the shit out of our server, because he was worse than horrible, but what's the point? The food, when we got it, was really good. The service needed a lot of work.

So, we wrap up dinner just before 9 pm and head over to Swig. Swig is a trendy, semi-upscale martini bar that's just a block off of Beale Street. We stop by there and it just so happens there's a table on the outside deck and some chairs with our names on them.

Did I mention how beautiful of an evening it was? No, well, it was gorgeous! There was a nice, light breeze, low humidity, and the temperature was just right. Too bad it was a Wednesday!

So, we're on the patio of Swig... John and I both order a beer and the girls order Jolly Rancher martinis. Watermelon for Chantay and Sour Apple for Adrianne. I didn't taste them, but they sure smelled tasty! Before their drinks are finished, both of the ladies are feeling slightly buzzed. They both had a cocktail as we were walking down to the Majestic, and then had a glass of wine before we ate. Adrianne and Chantay split a Grey Goose with a splash (and I mean a splash) of Cranberry juice too. That was John's idea. I had a Crown and Coke at the casa before leaving, then had a Blue Moon at Majestic.

Our first round are just about kaput, so we order a second round. Adrianne puts the kabosh on her drinking for the time being, instead opting for some water. Chantay decides its time to switch over to beer for a little bit. John and I order the same thing we had before, Newcastle for me and Miller Lite for him.

The more we drink the better the conversation gets. Everyone, but John, decides that it's nearly time for him to get married. He's staunchly opposed to it though. However, we believe it's in his best interest to do so. We end up agreeing to disagree on the subject.

We polish off round two and decide to head down to The Flying Saucer. Actually you can't really say "head down to", since it's right next door to Swig. John, of course, knows the door man, so we don't have to pay the cover and walk right in. We saunter over to the bar and over a round of beverages for everyone. It's a little before 10 pm and the place already has a pretty good crowd, again, for a Wednesday night. However, we are able to find a table to rest our weary bones for a few minutes.

I think I only had one beer at the Saucer, while Adrianne had a Framboise, or something like that. It was fruity smelling, and Adrianne liked it, at least until it was almost gone (where she could taste the alcohol). We didn't stay at the Saucer too long, but we at least wanted to show Chantay the place. Afterall, it was her virginal trip to Memphis. We're out!

Next stop, Alfreds. This is John's favorite spot. He knows every soul working in the place. This night happened to be Karaoke night, and the butchers came out to kill what was left of some decent music. My favorite horribly sung song of the night: "All the Small Things" by Blink 182. Oh man, this guy absolutely destroyed it. However, it was funny to watch, because he was really getting into it, and putting on a show.

We had a few drinks at Alfreds, including a shot (or two, I can't remember), and the girls wanted a little starchy snack, so John ordered them up some french fries. Those poor fries had ZERO chance. They were all over them like a bum on a tourist. "Hey man! I don't mean no harm. I'm just trying to [insert hard luck story here], could you help me out? Do you have any change?"

I just want to say (sometimes) "Really, the 28 cents I have in my pocket is going to cure everything that ails you? Well then, here you go!" Dammit! I hate bums. I feel sorry for homeless people, because it's not necessarily their fault, but not bums. Bums have the option of just hanging out begging and bothering people. Go get a fucking job, just like everyone else, and leave me the hell alone!

Whoa! Sorry about that! I'm not sure where that came from. I haven't even had any run-ins with bums since I got back from the honeymoon. I guess it was just some built up mess in my head. That or I'm just cranky from being hung-over and tired?

Okay, so where were we? Oh yeah, the girls polished off the fries, so we decided to see some more of Beale Streets finest establishments. We leave Alfred and head toward Pat O'Brien's. I really like Pat O's. It always has a nice atmosphere and usually isn't ridiculously loud and obnoxious. However, tonight, Pat O's was completely dead. They didn't have the dueling pianos going on, and no one was out of the patio. There were three people sitting in the other bar, so we hit the bricks again.

Coyote Ugly opened up just prior to my leaving Memphis for the wedding, so, obviously, I hadn't been there. The girls wanted to see it, so we headed in that direction. John forewarned us that it was horrible, and that was an understatement. The entire excitement and "flair" of this bar was music was playing and there were two or three girls dancing up on the bar. Woo Hoo!! Wow! Such excitement! Our trip there lasted approximately 3 minutes (or the length of one whole song), which was entirely too long. You can pretty much count on me not going back there for any reason. It sucked! (however, again, it was a Wednesday, so I should give them a break, since they probably had their "D" team in the game that night)

We leave the "Ugly"-ness and head back up Beale Street. I thought we might actually be heading home, but, of course, John ran into one of the bar managers that he knew, and we end up in BB Kings for a little while longer. The band was playing, live, "The Electric Slide". I'd never actually heard it played live before, but they did a great job. Unfortunately I hate the song though. It was a pretty mixed clientele in BB's, but only the silly white folks were doing the electric slide on the stage. Those goofy crackers!!

We had a couple more drinks here, including another shot, which was actually about three shots in one, when my eyes start closing on me. That's usually the best sign that I need to get my ass home and in bed. So, I became "That guy". You know, "that guy" that ruins the party. "That guy" that is no fun. I was him. However, "I" was almost asleep on my feet. Yes, I'm getting too old for this shit! By the way, it was 12:30 am on Thursday now.

The four of us stroll over to John's apartment to make sure he makes it in okay, which, of course, he does. However, not before reminding us all that he's really disappointed that we're going home before 1 am. Remember, he didn't really want to go out earlier!

Next thing you know we're safely back in our building. When we left the apartment earlier it was kind of in shambles. Rosemary said she was going to do some painting, but "WOW", she had already completely finished the guest bath, which looks great, while also putting the base coat on the kitchen. It all looked so good. Finally, so color in our apartment other than egg-shell white.

I don't know how late she stayed up after I went to bed, but when I woke up this morning the entire kitchen had it's color on it. Man, is it something else!! I'm so excited. I can't wait to see the finished product. Right now I'm kind of living in a "While you were out" dream. I have no clue what I'm going to come home to, but I know it's going to look great!

Part 5 (Finally!! Vacation!)

Hopefully this installment won’t be as long as the prior ones, and after this one I can start working on things that have happened since we got back from our honeymoon. We’ll see I guess.

So, I wake up in the back of a limo just as we’re crossing the I-64 bridge into Louisville. I go ahead and try to shake the cobwebs, because I’m still exhausted. I wake Adrianne up and tell her that we’re not too far from the hotel, so we should try to get our stuff together.

I’m looking out the windows, and being familiar with the airport area of Louisville, I notice that the limo driver has already passed the Airport (where our hotel is supposed to be) and is almost to Bardstown Road. Now, I’m no genius (well possibly?), but I can tell you this… Holiday Inn Airport is not going to be 6 to 8 miles away from the airport.

Actually, there are two Holiday Inn’s by the airport and they, commonly, get confused, but, back to the limo driver. He rolls down the partition and tells us that he missed his turn and is looping back around. I kind of wanted to say “No, really?” but I didn’t.

Finally, we reach the hotel at close to 3:30 am, EST. I have no clue how it took so long, but it did. I’m guessing he was driving 45 miles an hour on the interstate or something, because not once in my many trips from Owensboro to Louisville did it ever take longer than one hour and forty-five minutes to get there. Any time over two hours is just unacceptable. Oh well, we got there safe and alive, so I can’t really complain.

So, it’s 3:30 am, and we pile out of the limo. We’ve got a couple of bags in the back with us, along with at least 4 plates of food and cake. One of the plates is piled up with chocolate covered strawberries (Adrianne’s favorite), but the juice is running all over everything, so we immediately toss them. Them I’m trying to hold my backpack, and three plates of food, when I drop one of them. Obviously I expected the food to go everywhere, but I did not expect broken glass. Our caterer gave us glass plates to travel with? He also gave us a piece of Tupperware. I sincerely hope he wasn’t planning on getting any of that back?

We finally drag our carcasses inside, where there is one receptionist and a security guard. That’s it! We give her or information and she starts hunting and pecking for our names, either one of them. Nothing! She calls the other Holiday Inn to see if we’re supposed to be over there. Nope!

By now I’m beyond tired and can’t even get mad. I just want to lay down in a bed. Supposedly our travel agent set all of this up and it was part of our honeymoon. I guess a wire got crossed or something?

Finally the receptionist finds our reservation. She prints out the necessary documents and asks “And how will you be paying for this?”

“Huh?” We both let out at the same time. Again, we thought that this was all part of our package, but we were just too tired to argue about it. “Here’s my credit card, just put it on there. I’m too tired to think about it right now! I just want some sleep.” Adrianne said.

“We’ll call the travel agent when we get back and see what was up with it” I reassure her. Next we ask what time the shuttles leave for the airport.

“Well, they run every 30 minutes, what time is your flight?”

“We’ve got an 8:55 am international. What time should we leave?” I respond.

“You’d probably better be safe and be on the 6 am shuttle, in case there are any problems.”

“Uggh!! Less than two hours of sleep?” I’m thinking to myself. Adrianne was also thinking the same thing, but didn’t have that expression on her face like I did. We walk around the corner to the presidential suite, which was really nice, but not worth $90 for 2 hours. We basically took our clothes off, turned on the TV, laid down, and then the alarm went off.

Really, the next thing I realize we’re sitting at our gate in the airport (I must have been asleep while getting our tickets and going through security) and I’m writing out a timeline in my notebook. I had fully planned on just typing it out on here, which I still may do, because it’s much more detailed (since I tried to write it as things occurred, so I wouldn’t forget. Remember, I’m pretty much just in a sleepless haze after the reception).

Somehow we get through security with our pieces of wedding cake (we left all of the rest of the food at the hotel) and we decide this will be breakfast. Well we each take a bit or two of each of the three different kinds of cake before we decide that this is way too sweet to be eating, especially when we haven’t really eaten anything good for over 24 hours. So, Adrianne heads back toward the main concourse and stops in a Starbucks. She picks us both up a banana, an apple, some juice, and a muffin for me, along with a hot chocolate (or was it chai tea?) for her. Yes, much better.

We both scarf down our food (well, I didn’t eat the muffin) and she decides it’s nap time. We’ve still got nearly an hour and a half before boarding starts. She lays her head in my lap, so I grab my Ipod and my notebook. I write for about 45 minutes when I decide to just listen to some music and relax before our flight.

I made sure not to fall asleep, since she was asleep on my lap. I was afraid I’d fall deep asleep and wouldn’t be very nice when I woke up. I may have “rested my eyes” once or twice though, I can’t remember!

Promptly at 8:30 they begin boarding. Since we were in first class, we were the first people aboard the flight. We got priority overhead bins and everything. I’ve been spoiled now, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to fly coach/economy ever again. I’ll pay an extra $50 each way for that option any time! For once I actually had the necessary leg room to keep me comfortable. Also, we were already being served drinks before anyone else even thought about getting on the plane. The FA’s (remember from my prior post?) were constantly checking on us and making sure we had everything we wanted/needed. Now this was the proper start to a vacation!!

Once off the ground Adrianne was quickly asleep again. I maintained consciousness until we touched down in Memphis. I found it relatively amusing that we had to stop in Memphis in order to get to Cancun. If we had known this, then we could’ve just driven down to Memphis, or something like that. We stop in Memphis for just about an hour and pick up a ton of people. The flight was relatively light coming out of Louisville, but once we picked everyone up in Memphis, it was a full load. Even the rest of first class were filled up. Most of first class was filled up with people from Jonesboro, Arkansas. The only reason I know this is because they were all wearing Arkansas State shirts and hats. It appeared they were on their way to Mexico for a golf trip. I don’t know what their wives were going to do though?

I looked over to Adrianne and just kind of smirked. She asked me “What?” I reply “Yeah, we beat that ass in basketball every year!” She gets “that” look on her face and says to me “Keep your mouth shut!” I did.

The flight was completely uneventful. I fell asleep about 10 minutes into the two hour flight and woke up when they wanted me to put my seat back in it’s upright position (or was it when Adrianne needed me to help fill out our customs info? I can't remember). It felt like I had just fallen asleep. I did feel a little rested though.

Unfortunately we were on the wrong side of the plane, so all I got to see was barren fields and a couple of ponds. The other side of the plane got the great view of the Gulf of Mexico. Damn those peasants!

Just before touch down the FA’s talk us through our custom’s papers and what will happen. Adrianne fills them out for us, and we’re ready to hit the ground running. To both of our surprises, the plane doesn’t taxi anywhere near the terminal. Instead, buses come out on the tarmac to pick us up. We are then shuttled to a huge room with (probably) 50 carnival lines, filled up with fellow tourists. We move toward the back of the room, hoping that the line will be shorter. It also didn’t hurt that it was nearest to the bathrooms.

These guys had it down to a science. Our gentleman was very hospitable (much better than most of the people that work at our US airports) and even lets me practice a little espanol on him. He wishes us “Buenas Dias!” and we’re on our way to pick up our bags and then on to customs.

I will say this right now… Customs down there is as absolutely random as possible. You walk up to a line. The person there says “Push the button”. Once you push the button a light comes on, either Green or Red. If it’s Green, you cruise right past. It it’s Red, you get checked. Beautiful, isn’t it? Adrianne pushed the button and we got the Green light. Onward we go!

We were told to look for guys in gray shirts with blue pants. I did my best to ignore all of the other people trying to get us to do things, like get in their cabs, buses, etc. A guy in a white uniform comes up to us and says “Which company are you looking for?” I wanted to say “We’re okay, thanks!”, but instead “Vacation Express” came out of my mouth.

“Damn you sleeplessness!!!”

It’s okay though, he actually works for the airport to help tourists miss all of the crazy stuff. He grabs a couple of our bags and gets us down to our spot. A little guy is standing on the corner with a clipboard and quickly finds our name. He tells us (in broken English) “You’re ride be here shortly. We wait on others too.”

We start talking to another couple that is waiting next to us. They were on the flight with us, but several rows back. They were newlyweds also, as were at least three other couples at our spot. Our van is there in no time, and we pile in. We’ve got a total of 5 couples in our van, three of which are newlyweds. One of the non-newlyweds are going to the same resort as we were. They were quite grumpy, and EKU grads at that. Again, I just kept my mouth shut. Adrianne didn’t have to say anything to me this time, she just gave me “The Look”.

It took about 30 minutes to get to our resort from Cancun. We stopped at one resort prior to ours in order to drop one of the other couples off. Once we got out of the van, Adrianne pulled me aside and said “Let’s do our best to avoid that couple all week. They are so negative!” Which they were. I guess they were just tired and worn out like we were, but didn’t take it as well as we did.

We go over to check-in, and they don’t have a room available with a King Size bed, like we were supposed to get. They put us in a room with two doubles, but it’s not ready yet either. Instead they asked if we’d like to go get some lunch and come back in half an hour. “ABSOLUTELY!!” is the only thing that came out of our mouths. This would be our first “real” meal in nearly 36 hours.

We walk up to the first restaurant we can find, La Isla, and find a seat (it was nearly empty, since they were just about to finish serving lunch). I order a cocktail (I don’t remember what it was though), and we quickly both order Club Sandwiches. How sad is that? Our first meal on this beautiful resort is a club sandwich? Oh well! It was awesome!

Okay, so I’m pretty much done for today. I’m not going to tell about everything we did while we were down there, but I’d like to start writing about some of the happenings afterwards. I may, occasionally, make inserts about our honeymoon, because it was absolutely wonderful. The resort was beyond magnificent. Think about your ideal paradise, and then multiply that by 10, and that’s where we were. They have seven restaurants at the resort, and each and every one of them are 5 star spots. The food is insane. Not only does it taste great, but the presentation is out of this world.

The best part of the resort is that if you want to have fun and party, you can (there are tons of scheduled activities for everyone to partake in), but if you were like us, and just wanted to do your own thing (and relax by the beach or pool, or just walk around), you could do that too. We left the resort a couple of times, once to go snorkeling at a reef offsite, and the other time to check out some shopping in Playa Del Carmen (on the coast where Cozumel is). All of those are options available at the resort. All you really had to do was hit up your concierge and he/she would schedule it for you. I will try to post some honeymoon pictures soon.

However, this is (possibly) the end of THE NEVERENDING STORY, so… I guess it does actually end, or does it?

Part 4 (THE BIG DAY)

You’ll have to pardon me if this entry is sporadic and whimsical. Much of my day was pretty surreal. To say it was a whirlwind would not really be giving it enough credit. I had heard all of the people say “It’ll happen so fast”, “You won’t remember anything”, “Just try to relax and enjoy it”, so I tried to keep all of that in mind.

I planned on having all of my groomsmen meet me at Stinky Barrel at 9 am on Saturday for breakfast. Some of them made it, others didn’t. Larry automatically gets a free pass because he was making a smorgasbord breakfast for my soon-to-be wife and her crew. Chris also gets a pass because he had to travel up from Glasgow, by himself, and also had to work that morning. Ryan also got a free pass, since he had a flat tire on his motorcycle, and he was also waiting for his lady to make it into town. Those that weren’t there missed some fun and games.

It just so happened that my Sis, Dad, Jackie (step-mom), and Grandma were already there when we got there, so we got to see them a little bit too. My Mom and the Wilson’s (childhood friends) showed up a little while after we did. Yep, I was pretty much surrounded by all the people that love me. It was a good day to be me!

I nibbled around on my French toast (when it finally got to me, since our entire order was screwed up) just enough to keep my tummy from grumblin’. Yes, I really didn’t have much of an appetite, but I wasn’t ridiculously nervous, yet.

After we finished up eating we headed out to Larry’s house for some fun and games (namely lunch and swimming in the pool). Justin was given a specific task of delivering my wedding present to Adrianne before he came out to the house. In return he was given my present from her.

Not too long after Justin reached the house Paul got a phone call from the Matron of Honor. Since my Love and I were not allowed to speak to each other, the messages had to be passed in between Best Men and the Matron of Honor. Adrianne really liked her present and supposedly made everyone else in the place with her cry.

I quickly opened my present, which I didn’t expect (since my present was supposed to be my plane ticket to Evansville), and found a beautiful Kenneth Cole watch, with three different colored, interchangeable bands. I haven’t worn a watch in years, but had been wanting one for a while. Of course, Adrianne picked out one that was perfect for me!

By noon everyone, except Ryan (still dealing with a flat motorcycle tire) has made it out the house. Larry fired up the grill, but let Travis (Adrianne’s older brother) handle the grilling while he worked in the kitchen. The rest of us played a little ping pong before hopping in the pool for some shenanigans. For a late May day (yeah, say that 10 times really fast) the water was surprisingly warm. Usually if we try getting in the pool this early in the year we’re usually trying to re-locate our testicles for the two weeks following.

Of course, Colman was the first in the pool, followed by Justin and Paul, then by myself, after putting on some sunscreen. The last thing I wanted to do was show up to the wedding sunburned. Adrianne would beat me senseless.

We stayed in the pool until about 1:30, then got out to enjoy “The Last Supper”. I didn’t expect it, but my plate was made for me and waiting on my eager mouth. There’s nothing like a delicious steak to calm the nerves and make a great day even better. I ended up having one last present for everyone. Adrianne and I had ordered handkerchiefs for all of the guys with their last name initial on them. Once I passed them out I gave a little speech. It went something like this: “I give you this little present, not necessarily for yourself, but for your partner on stage. On this day, I’m the only person allowed to cry, so if I see you crying, I reserve the right to call you a “little bitch”.

At 2 o’clock Brian decided to head back toward the hotel, so I asked if he would mind dropping Colman off at his house, so he could start getting ready too. “No problem!”

Ahh yes, the ship was sailing smoothly.

I head to the master bathroom to take a shower and start getting ready. Two of the three S’s were covered. I just didn’t feel the urge for the other one, which is usually pre-game ritual for me. Well, this wasn’t a basketball game, so it wasn’t the same I guess.

I have to say that I love my Best Men. They know just the right time to perk me up and make sure I’m still loose. I’m sitting back in Larry’s walk-in closet putting on my pants when Paul knocks on the door and opens it a little bit to poke his head in.

“You doing alright?”

“Yep, no problem! What’s up?”

He opens the door all the way and steps back out of the doorway.

“THE GOAT!!!!!!” Justin screams out, giving me a full frontal shot. (if you haven’t seen the movie “Waiting” then don’t worry about this part)

“FAG!!” Paul shouts out.

I bend over to take my ass kicks. I’m pretty sure each of them gave me a couple, just for good measure. Man, I love those guys! I don’t think a person could have better friends than I do. My only regret is that I don’t get to see them as often as I’d like, but I do my best, via email and/or phone to talk to them as often as possible.

I’m sweating like crazy already. I don’t know if it’s just nervous energy or what, but I can’t put on my dress shirt, vest, and tie yet. So, I’m just hanging out in my tux pants, white t-shirt, and socks and shoes. Yeah, I look good regardless.

Everyone else is in various stages of preparation at this point. I wander around taking a few pictures here and there. I try to make sure I get one of everyone, but I don’t think I succeeded. A couple guys were upstairs getting ready, so that made it a little difficult.

By 3 pm everyone was pretty much fully dressed. I finally slipped into my shirt, vest, and tie. I wanted to wait until the last minute to put my coat on though, since I was still cooking under all of those clothes.

We have a little tradition of all of the guys getting ready before a wedding out at Larry’s house, and part of the tradition is everyone taking a shot of the groom’s favorite toxin of choice. Of course, mine is Crown Royal. In this case though, we splurged and got the big bottle of Crown Royal Special Reserve. Larry lined up what seemed like 30 shot glasses (actually I think it was right at 10) and filled all but one of them up with that sweet nectar. Paul got his all-time favorite drink, Coke, to fill his shot glass.

I gave a quick toast, and we all went “bottom’s up”. Man, that stuff is smooth. Not Jagrmeister smooth either. I almost hated just gulping it down, because it was pretty tasty, for straight liquor. We had placed a glass of coke right in the middle of all of us to see who would be the pansy that needed it first. Well, luckily for me I was already sipping on a Crown and Caff. Free Pepsi, so I was set. I can’t remember who grabbed the glass first. I think it was Justin.

After our shot, I pull Justin and Paul into Larry’s office for a few last words. This was one of those moments that only brothers can share, and these two guys are the closest thing I have to brothers. Yes, I was very emotional, and cried again.

After that, we got together for a few pictures (which are on my computer at home. I’ll try to edit this later and add a couple of them in here), then we quickly cleaned up the kitchen and started loading up the vehicles.

I told Adrianne that when we got back from Mexico we’d be rich and wouldn’t have to work, so I made sure to have Paul stop by Raceway so I could buy $20 in Powerball tickets. I ended up giving them to Larry for safekeeping, just in case we did actually win.

Pictures were supposed to begin right around 4:30 in the reception hall (at the least all of the guys and I anyway). The church had a mass that was going on until just after 5 pm, so we couldn’t get in there.

We got all of my guys lined up in the entranceway to the reception hall and our photographer took several pictures. This one wasn’t taken by the photographer, but it’s of the same thing:

Then we snapped some pictures of me with family, each groomsman, and my Best Men. It didn’t seem like it took very long, but just like that the photographer was done with me. She headed off to take care of the bride.

Side note: Only one thing bad happened all day, and this is the point where it happened. I’m not really going to go into it, because I have an entire journal entry based on it, but I will say this… There is a time and a place for everything, even selfish things. On someone’s wedding day, that is not the right time to say negative things to a groom or bride. End side note.

That situation happened and I was just deflated. I went over and sat by Larry, who was taking a break from the action at a table in the reception hall. He just looked at me and said “It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”

He had no clue what was said to me, but he knew that it really, really hurt me, and I needed some comforting. I started crying like crazy. He just put his arm around me and gave me a big hug. I’ll never forget him saying “It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”

Thank you Larry! I don’t know if you’ll ever read this or not, but you really made my day and helped me through that tough time!

Okay, back on topic…

All of the guys retreat to the little room that was reserved for us, just beside the reception hall. Paul runs outside and grabs a deck of cards. There was a 1948 TV in there, but the damn thing didn’t work. Imagine that.

We didn’t get to sit there for 5 minutes before one of the bridemaids came in and said “We need all of you, except John, in the church for pictures.”

So, there I was, all alone. It really wasn’t a comfortable feeling. I still had that other thing ringing in my head, and I was getting nervous. I wasn’t nervous about getting married or being with Adrianne. I’m not sure what I was nervous about. I wasn't trembling nervous either. I was just “thinking” nervous. I was thinking about anything I might have forgotten. I was thinking about seeing Adrianne for the first time. I was thinking about standing on the stage. I was thinking about just breathing.

Luckily my Sis came strolling in to give me a little company. I love her! She always has the right things to say to me to get me to smile and straighten me back up. She had already handled a delicate situation for Adrianne and I, that we hadn’t even thought about. Thank goodness she was around, otherwise that situation could’ve been bad. It’s not like I completely forgot, but I didn’t think about it being part of our ceremony.

Slowly the guys start to trickle back in, and before long it’s time to head over to our even smaller room in the church. Father Jason (a college buddy of mine) is there waiting for us. By now I’m pacing around like a caged panther. Justin suggests I sit down and try to relax. I try to, but I start getting cotton mouth. I just want a drink of water. Luckily there is a water facet in the room, but no towels. I get a sip and find something to dry myself off with.

Next thing I know I’m being shoed out the door to walk my Mom up to the unity candle. I take care of that, then return to the room. All of the guys are chatting and seem relaxed. Inside, I’m a wreck. I can’t calm down, but I’m not going bonkers either. Father Jason looks over to me and says “We’re almost there, just take it easy”.

The guys all walk out of the room, heading to the back of the church to escort their counterparts in. Father Jason and I head up to the altar. He gives me a pat on the back for assurance. Yes, it does help. I take a deep breath and try to loosen my shoulders and neck up.

I keep hearing Larry say “Don’t lock your knees up!” in my head, so I find myself bouncing on the balls of my feet, just like I’m warming up for a jump ball. Consciously I’m trying not to do that, but also not to lock my knees. It’s difficult. Then I hear some music.

Chantay is being escorted down the aisle by Justin and Paul. Next comes Emili and Chris. Then Camille and Ben, followed by Rhea and Larry. Next up is Michelle with Ryan. Then Troy and Jessica, and, finally, by Angela and Travis.

My stomach knots up. I haven’t seen her yet, but in my mind I can perfectly see how beautiful she is. I start shaking, trying to hold back the tears. Paul whispers to me “Smile man.”

I try. I work a little crooked smile out of the corner of my mouth, then I hear her entrance song. I made sure not to peak at the side windows where I’d see her before she hit the entrance way. There she was… As radiant as she could be. It was like seeing an angel. My Angel! Her beautiful white dress. Her gorgeous smile. My heaven was right in front of me.

I couldn’t move. When her and her Father got to the third pew I was supposed to leave the altar and meet up with them. I think Paul actually pushed me to go. I was just standing there in awe. This was the culmination of our lives. It was the greatest thing to ever happen to me.

I made my way down the two steps to meet them. I shake her Dad’s hand and thank him for her. I quickly grab her hand and we gaze into each other’s eyes, if just for a moment, to let each other know that “Yes, we’re in LOVE!” and “Yes, this is happening!”

Pretty much everything about the ceremony is a blur. I know we sat up there and talked to each other a lot. I only know this because he had so many people ask us afterwards, “What were you two talking about the entire time up there?” I have no clue what we talked about, other than me forgetting Father Jason’s present.

The only other thing I remember was putting her ring on the correct hand, yet giving her my wrong hand. She told me while we were doing it that it was the wrong hand, so I suavely switched hands before we turned around.

The next thing I know Father Jason say’s “You may kiss the Bride!” (we wanted him to actually say it, just because the flower girls all wanted to hear it). We had a very passionate, and possibly too long, kiss. I didn’t want that moment to end.

We walked out the same door that Adrianne came in and quickly scurried over to the reception hall. We weren’t doing one of those greeting lines, because we still had a ton of pictures to take. However, my good friend Jack (our bartender) had a cocktail already made up for me when we got in there. I got a quick slurp of it before we headed right back over to the church.

I don’t know how long the pictures lasted, but it only seemed like minutes. By Adrianne’s reaction, though, it must’ve been forever. We had planned it so that our guests could go ahead and eat while we were taking pictures. Here are a few:

One very special moment we had while taking our pictures was when my Grandma gave Adrianne her ring. It was her sign of welcoming Adrianne into our family, and she had some beautiful and kind words to pass on to us. I’m glad we got that chance, because Grandma originally wasn’t thinking she was going to make it to the wedding.

We clipped through all of the pictures and made our way over to the reception. Our good friend Eric played some live music leading up to us getting there and did our introductions. Our DJ wasn’t sure he’d be there in time, so Eric offered to handle this for us. We got a grand applause upon entering the reception, and I gave out a fist pump and huge “YES!!”

We quickly segued into our first dance. Eric played our song “Better Together” by Jack Johnson and we just gazed into each others eyes the entire time. Life is good.

Next up came Adrianne’s dance with her father, then mine with my Mom. I know Adrianne wasn’t really wanting to do this part, but she sucked it up like a champ. My dance with my Mom was very special to the two of us. I’m her baby afterall. She’d waited 30 years for this moment, and I think she was very, very proud.

The rest of the night I danced like a madman. I was soaked in sweat within minutes, and it never got any better. The only taste of our wedding cake we got was when we cut the cake. No, I didn’t shove it in her face either. She would’ve killed me on the spot for it. I had been warned!

I had an awesome Groom’s cake, which I never got a single taste of. However we did get some pictures of it, and I showed it off to several of my fellow Toppers in the place. Too bad Beed’s work kept him away, because he would’ve went nuts.

The most fun part of the entire evening is when we had the DJ play Rob Base and DJ Easy Rock’s “It Takes Two”. I had my boy Chris handle the microphone while Colman and I had a classic dance off. I broke out the backspin, worm, and some crazy robotics. It was great. Dr. Truett said he got it all on video and would be sending us a copy of it soon. I can’t wait to see it.

About 11 o’clock it was time to start wrapping things up so we could leave the reception. I was still dripping with sweat, so I wanted to take a quick shower. The men’s bathroom was equipped with 4 nice shower stalls. I told a few guys that I was heading in there to hit the showers and one of them brought me some towels. I say “some towels” because it was a stack of hand towels. Yes, it’s difficult to dry a 6’2”, 200 pound body with dish towels. It took one towel just to dry off my arm and part of my chest. This was going to take a little while.

Then, out of no where, Justin busts in the door to save the day. “Dude, here’s my towel from the pool today. It may still be wet, but it should work.”

Work it did! I was dried and dressed within moments. I succinctly remember telling someone to grab my boutonnière and the hanky out of my pocket. I didn’t think I had anything else in there. Next thing I know Chantay pops her head in to tell me Limo was there and it was time to jet.

I get back out to the reception to say goodbye to a few people and find my wife. We get pulled aside by her Dad and a few others before we get to the exit. Since neither one of us brought our cars to the church, everyone had to decorate the limo. They put a ton of balloons on the inside along with four or five plates full of food and some drinks.

We had to push people out of the limo because it was time to go! Actually they were trying to help us get the balloons out so we could be on our way. It’s about this time that I realized that I forgot my backpack. My backpack was a necessity for our honeymoon, so we had to make a pitstop. Luckily Larry’s house is kind of on the way to Louisville from Owensboro.

We get there, run in and grab it, then are on our way. We scarf down as much food as possible, since it’s really the first chance we’ve had to sit down and eat since lunch time. Then exhaustion sets in. We both pretty much collapse from being so tired, and the next thing I know we’re crossing the I-64 bridge into Louisville.

Okay, so now it’s Sunday. This is a whole different day, and I want to keep it like that. Hopefully you’ve made it this far, if not, well I’m sorry for putting you to sleep!

In the next episode: John breaks some shit, we get a hotel room, and travel first class! Stay tuned!

PS - Here are a couple extra pictures. In one of them you will actually see me sitting down at the reception. I was able to do this for about 30 seconds before I had the flower girls asking me to go do something. I happened to get a bite or two of warm chicken finger in there.



This other picture is Adrianne and I with The Truett's. Dr. Truett took all of the pictures that I've posted these last few days. The girls were both our flower girls, and were so beautiful. Colman was the man! As you've seen in a few other pictures. We had so much fun having him with us during the events leading up to the wedding, through the wedding, and at the reception. I hope as he gets older he doesn't forget those days, because I know I won't.

Part 3 (The Eve of the Wedding)

This day started early by both Paul and my standards. Neither one of us enjoy getting up early and he’s much harder to wake up than I am. So, I got in the shower first and got ready while we was trying to wipe the sleep out of his eyes.

Rosemary (Adrianne’s Mom) had scheduled a “power breakfast” for those that were planning on working at the reception hall this day. We all met up at Stinky Barrel right around 7:30. Emili met up with Paul and I at the hotel (she stayed with my Sis) and rode with us over to the Barrel. We actually beat Adrianne and Camille there, which was a surprise to us!

We had a pretty good clientele this morning. Well, better than I thought it would be anyway. Justin didn’t make it to breakfast, but he’s not a big breakfast person anyway. He did, however, beat us to the reception hall, but I’ll get to that. My Sis didn’t make it breakfast either. She, like myself, isn’t much of an early riser, unless absolutely necessary. She stayed in bed and got an extra hour of sleepy-time, because she’d need it for later!

I ended up having an egg sandwich. Luckily for me it came open-faced, otherwise I would’ve sent it back. Really? Who eats lettuce, tomato, and mayo on an egg sandwich? It made me sick just to see mayo that early in the morning! I ate only the half with the egg on it, which was more than enough.

I’d had a splitting sinus headache (which is normal operating procedure when I’m in Owensboro. I had so many sinus problems when I lived there that I just stayed medicated) since I woke up that morning, so after breakfast Paul made a pit-stop for me at Hell-Mart (actually Emili needed something too, but that’s “unmentionable”).

We parked in the lawn and garden area, since I thought that would be the least busy area at 8:15 on a Friday morning. Well, I was wrong. While standing in line, Paul and I pondered the idea of climbing to the top rack and jumping down onto the bags of charcoal below. We decided it would probably still hurt like hell, so we didn’t do it. No, we weren’t “under the influence”, yet.

We also made a quick pit-stop at the hotel before heading to the reception hall, but finally made it there just before 8:30. Pretty much everyone else was already there and finding something to work on. There was really only one big project left, since we had all worked late the night before. Paul, Justin, and myself took on the task of finishing up the dance area.

The dance floor had been laid down yesterday, so all we had to do was decorate the rest of the area. It sounded simple, but soon proved to be just the opposite. What I thought would be an easy hour to hour and a half job, turned into nearly a three hour tour (like Giligan’s Island). All we needed to do was run this streamer stuff up four 15 foot columns, then thread it around two by fours that connected the tops of the columns. After we ran the streamers we had to put strands of lights inside the streamers. Once that was completed, we needed to string fishing line over-head of the dance floor, so we could hang Chinese lanterns. It all sounds so simple when describing it. I’m trying to figure out what took so long?

Well, part of it was wobbling on a 20 foot tall ladder and trying to get the stupid fishing light to stay tight. Anyway, here’s a picture of the final result (from the side). In the foreground is our champagne fountain (actually it was a wine fountain, because Adrianne doesn’t really like champagne, so we filled it with her favorite wine, which worked out just as well). I think it turned out beautifully, especially since three guys did it themselves.

I had planned on being finished by 11 am, so that a group of us guys could go get some lunch, and then hit the links for at least 9 holes of shenanigans. Well, being a little behind schedule did not deter me. We made the necessary calls and had everyone meeting up at BW’s for some munchies prior to a golf outing.

By 2 pm we were out of BW’s and on our way to Hillcrest Golf course. We had six golfers and one “rider” (Paul doesn’t golf, but he’s one hell of a “putt-putt” player). Larry and Kenny were in the first cart. Justin and Paul were in the second cart, and Colman and I were in the third card. Eric decided he’d walk the links (personally, I said “Funk Dat!”, it was way too hot out there for me to even think about walking any more than I had to).

We paid our fees and headed over to the practice green for a little chipping and putting. It didn’t take to long before Justin and Colman were having a “conversation” about who the better golfer was. This playful banter quickly turned into a bet. It ended up that the winner of the round got to pick out a girl for the loser to dance with at the reception. I made sure I stayed out of this bet, since I was planning on dancing with only two women that night, my wife and my Mom.

Now, I’m not going to give a play by play of the entire nine holes, but I’ll hit some of the high points. First off… I hit one good putt all day, and it was on the practice green. I let Paul do all of my putting, until the last few holes.

Next, Justin and Colman decided that they’d add in some fun rules here and there. On one specific hole they decided that if either one of them could hit the water tower, then that person gets to take two strokes off of their score. Now, I’m not saying this is what happened, but I have no other explanation for it (other than Justin and Paul put the ball in the middle of the fairway), but Colman and I both hit our tee shots right at the water tower (mine was unintentional however). I found my ball just past the water tower, but Colman’s was somehow out in the middle of the fairway, about even with the water tower. I saw where his shot was going, so there’s no way it could’ve landed where it was unless something else happened. So, we decided that he, indeed, hit the water tower, and reduced his score by two strokes.

Lastly, Colman and I both started really hitting the ball well on the last three holes we played. On this one particular hole, which was straight as an arrow from tee to pin, they had a white line painted right down the middle of the fairway. I hit it about 25 feet to the right of the white line, but Colman put his within 2 feet of line. It was a really great shot. If he weren’t 10 years old, and could hit the ball a lot harder, he would’ve been in position for an easy chip in.

We finished up and Colman ended up beating Justin by two or three strokes ( I can’t remember which), due to some creative scoring on my part. Yes, I was the official scorer. We all were waiting in anticipation to find out who Colman was going to pick for Justin to dance with the next night, but he hadn’t decided when we finished up. However, Justin was immediately asking for a rematch!

We left Hillcrest right around 4:30, but had a few stops to make. First we had to drop Justin off at his house, then we had to take Colman home, then we had to pick up my suit from the cleaners. All of this had to be done before we could head back to the hotel so we both could take showers and clean up. We were supposed to be to the church for rehearsal by 5:30 (I think).

Well, somehow, we made it on time. Actually, we beat Adrianne and her crew there. There was one huge snag though. The church was locked up tight. We were able to get into the reception hall, luckily, since it was nearly 90 degrees outside and 300% humidity! Some people had already beaten us to the church and tried to get inside. Truthfully, I was irate. I was pissed. I’d never heard of churches being locked. I thought they were sanctuaries for people, so they could pray whenever they needed to?

Well, we tried every door on the building. More and more people showed up and we were just stuck outside. Finally, Kenny was able to get in touch with the parish priest and was able to get us inside. That’s not where the fun ends though.

For some stupid reason the air conditioning was turned off inside the church, and the lights weren’t on, at all. We scoured the entire place looking for the A/C controls and the light switches. The only thing we could find was a big locked box that we certainly knew housed the controls we needed. It was kind of dark inside of the church during our rehearsal, but we made it through. It was entirely too hot in there though, so we moved as quickly as possible through everything. Here’s a couple of pictures:

I think God must’ve been angry with me this day, because my malaise did not end with the dysfunction of getting in the church, nor having no light or A/C. The funniest part of the whole event was me being left at the church by myself. Both of my best men had taken off to set up a video display for us at the rehearsal dinner. Adrianne left with a carload of people (mostly bridesmaids and the like), while I stayed to help my Grandma get in the car. Once I got her in and my Dad, Step-Mom, and her left, I realized that I was the only one still there.

I made a couple of calls and Justin quickly returned to get me. I made my usual grand entrance (made even more grand since I was the last person there) and was quickly engulfed in the beginning of some mass insanity (AKA The Wedding).

Up until this point it hadn’t truly sunk in with me that I was getting married. Obviously I knew what was going on, but not until I saw nearly 60 people at The Briarpatch to enjoy our rehearsal dinner did I really “get it”.

I didn’t feel like I had enough time to say “Hi” to everyone. I tried to make my way around to every table, but as soon as I would say to Adrianne “Hey, I’m going to go over here and say ‘Hi’ to someone” we were pulled in a different direction.

Adrianne and I had brought some presents to the dinner for our parents, our wedding party, our ring bearer and flower girls, and our ushers. Adrianne wanted to start with our gift to Larry, and she had a big planned speech, but as soon as she said “Larry” she started crying, leaving me to fill in the blanks. Luckily we had already talked about what she wanted to say, so I finished it up for her.

Next she wanted to give her Dad his present. Just like before, as soon as she said “Dad” the tears and choking up took over. Again, John to the rescue! It’s really a good thing that we communicate so well, otherwise I would’ve been standing there not saying anything other than “Here’s your present!”

I can’t remember if we gave my Mom her present next or Adrianne’s Mom, but both were very emotional for us. My Mom has always been my inspiration, and I tried to explain that, all while choking up and crying like a little girl.

Adrianne’s Mom was a bundle of tears the entire time too. I can’t remember exactly what Adrianne gave her, but I know it was very, very special.

I gave my Dad his present, but really couldn’t think of anything to say. In the back of my mind I was still thinking about “that” phone call, but I was also thinking about how much I loved my Mom. I know that is really harsh of me to say, but it’s how I felt at the time. Little did I know that wouldn’t be the last time this weekend.

We went through the list of people and gave them all their gifts. After we got through our parents it was pretty smooth sailing. Adrianne actually got me a little handkerchief with my initials on it and our wedding date on the other side. I didn’t expect any presents that night.

Next up, my Mom wanted to say a little something to everyone in attendance, and we stood up beside her for support. She was quickly in tears, as were both of us, as she recalled the first time I called her and told her about Adrianne and our first date.

After my Mom finished up I retold the story of how Adrianne and I first met and our “first” date. I didn’t know so many of my good friends had no clue how it all began. Of course, the same as my blog here, the story took forever to tell, and I’m sure I lost half of the crowd in the middle.

At some point in time I actually got to eat a steak and have a couple of Crown and Cokes. Man, I needed them!

I’m not sure what time it was when we left, but I walked Adrianne out to Larry’s truck where the rest of the bridesmaids were waiting. I knew this would be the last time I got to talk to her or kiss her before we became Mr. and Mrs. Condray, so I had to make the most of it. She put her stuff in the back of the truck and I grabbed her passionately and gave her a huge kiss. As I did this, the girls all started singing “Going to the Chapel and we’re gonna get married”. I gave her a couple more kisses as they kept singing.

Paul and I walked to his car so we could be on our way. The girls just kept singing the song. I didn’t know more than just the nine words that I quoted above, but they knew the entire song, word for word. Paul actually knew more of it than I did and made fun of me for it. How’s that work out? I don’t know the words to a girlie-assed song like that, and I get made fun of?

Oh well! We ran over to the hotel to change clothes (out of our dress clothes back into shorts and t-shirts) so we could head back over to Justin’s for a couple more cocktails and relaxing before the BIG DAY.

Okay, I’m sure I left out a ton of stuff, but I had to type this twice, and it’s 1:15 pm, and that’s all I’ve done today at work. Have I mentioned lately that I hate our internet at work? I had the entire story up until the end of our golf outing typed into Blogger when the internet went down and I lost everything. Of course I hadn’t saved it and I didn’t type it in word first. The second time around I typed it all out in word and pasted it into Blogger. I don’t know why I don’t do that everytime?

Well, you know what’s next. Are you ready?

Last thing, an extra special "Thank You" goes out to Dr. Truett for having a ton of pictures available for viewing (before we got back from our honeymoon). I know he'll never read this rubbish, but thank you anyway! Here's the link if you want to see more pictures (even though I'm going to post some more, as the story progresses): A&J Wedding

Part 2 (The craziness begins)

After I’m picked up from the airport we head to Owensboro. We’ve got a couple of stops to make before we can actually head home, and most importantly, to bed. Our first stop is at the home of our ring bearer and two of our flower girls.

Adrianne had picked up all but one of our tuxes, so we wanted to make sure everything fit as early as possible. Larry tried his on at the store, and his jacket was the wrong size. I was hoping this was an anomaly.

Anyway, back on subject… We stop in to have our ring bearer try on his digs for the big day. It starts off well enough. His pants fit just fine, but that’s about it. His shirt was fine in the collar, but the sleeves went about 4 inches past the end of his fingertips. Yes, they were that long. His jacket was too small, and just to add insult to injury, his vest and tie were huge. Luckily his shoes fit okay. We had to call Afterhours the next day and get that stuff taken care of.

We already had them ordering Larry a different jacket, so they just added Colman’s needs to the list. They promised everything would be delivered on Friday, by hand, and it was. I was very pleased with Afterhours, and would recommend them to others. Both of my Brothers-in-law used Men’s Warehouse and had problems up to the last second with their tuxes. All of our issues were resolved by early Friday afternoon.

Okay, onto out last stop before going home. We wanted to run over by Justin’s house (one of my two best men) so he could try on his tux, and, also, so I could try mine on. As if by miracle, both of our tuxes fit perfectly. Neither one of us needed any changes at all. My shirt could’ve been a little longer in the sleeves, but it wasn’t worth worrying about.

As soon as we got in the car to leave Justin’s it started pouring down rain. It had been lightening since my flight got into Evansville, but I had yet to see any rain. Well, we got it, and lots of it. It was raining so hard that neither one of us could hardly see the road. Luckily it was almost 11 o’clock at night, on a Wednesday, so no one was out on the road. As we made our way toward Maceo, it seemed like we were engulfed in lightening. It came down in burst from every angle, and put on quite a show. If we weren’t in a car trying to get home it would’ve been fun to watch.

We made it home safe and sound and shortly thereafter put a couple of heads to bed. I’m thinking it was just around midnight. I had an appointment to get a haircut (which was badly needed) at 10 am the next morning, so I could sleep in a little bit, or so I thought.

Instead, we need to get up and load up the vehicles to take in decorations for the reception hall, and that was no small task. Rosemary (Adrianne’s Mom) and Doug had done such a wonderful job on making the decorations look wonderful, so the rest of us didn’t want to take any chances on screwing them up.

We had planned on not being able to get into the reception hall until early Thursday afternoon, but when Adrianne called them they said we could come whenever we were ready. So, while I was having my beautiful locks sheared away to reveal my gorgeous eyes, everyone else was delivering the decorations to the reception hall.

Unfortunately for me, it takes only about 15 minutes to cut my hair, so I was out of the chair and on my way over to the reception hall by 10:20 am. I had a facial appointment at 11 am, so I couldn’t hang around the reception hall too long, but just long enough to unload the booze for our “Big Bash”, whoops, our wedding!

Okay, so I’ve never had a professional facial before, and it’s something else. I couldn’t help it, but I fell asleep. I do the same thing when I get a good massage. She was rubbing my temples and had on some really, really relaxing music, so naturally I took a nap. She woke me up by saying “Are you comfortable?” I said “Sure, actually I was asleep.” I thought I had done something wrong at first, but she reassured me that it happens to a lot of people.

Well, I finished up that new and exciting adventure, and Adrianne was done with her manicure and pedicure, so we headed back to the reception hall to get a little work done. When we got there, all of the decorations had been placed toward the back of the reception hall, and there were just long rectangular and round tables set up neatly in order. It’s really too bad that this isn’t how we wanted the reception hall to be, because we spent the better part of the next five hours moving tables, chairs, asses, and decorations all over the place.

I took a bunch of pictures of the transformation of the hall, and I really want to post them, however, I haven’t moved them off of my digital camera yet. We took the memory cards to Wal-Mart Wednesday to get all of the pictures on them developed (nearly 300 of them), and should be picking them up either tonight or tomorrow.

We worked until nearly 11 pm that night on the reception hall, with multiple members of each of our families coming in and working hard, as well as both of my best men, and several of Adrianne’s bridesmaids.

As I told my guys… The more we get done on Thursday, the less we’ll have to be here on Friday. So, they were more than open to staying as late as possible on Thursday night, since we wanted to play some golf on Friday.

I ended up staying with Paul in the hotel on Thursday night after we closed up the reception hall. However, before we went to the hotel, we went over to Justin’s to hang out, just the three of us, for a little while. Actually, we had purchased a four pack of Sam Smith’s Nut Brown Ale and a half case of Newcastle, so I wanted a beer. I needed it after a long day of work. Yes, I did work most of the day, believe it or not!

I think I posted during the week before the wedding that I was working on little notes for each one of my guys, so I decided that I wanted to give Paul and Justin there’s this night. It was more personal and each one of their notes were special. I won’t go into the details of each one, but I was teary-eyed while I was writing them. Along with the cards, I also gave them each a framed picture of us. Paul’s was a picture of the two of us at one of the tournaments he was refereeing. He was in his uniform, and I found a pretty cool looking frame shaped and painted like a soccer ball. Justin’s picture was one of us from Vegas, while we were enjoying some public transportation. I told them I couldn’t really think of a great gift, and this way we could always remember each other and our friendship.

So, still thinking I’m not gay? Well, I’m married now, so there’s not really any doubt. Well, there could be, but it’s all good.

Anyway, Paul and I headed over to the hotel just after midnight and were in bed asleep (different beds mind you) right around 1 am. We had a 7:30 am breakfast meeting at Stinky Barrel (Cracker Barrel for those not in “the know”), so we needed a little rest.

Okay, I’m going to stop there for today. Friday was a very important and emotional day, so I want it to have it’s own post.

Stayed tuned…

Part 1 of (insert number here, because it may be many)

I spent quite a bit of yesterday trying to figure out how I was going to handle to daunting task of covering all of the events of the last two plus weeks. I never got around to actually making a post either, which, I'm sure, was a huge disappointment to my mass following! Yeah, something like that!

At first I wanted to make this very Tarantino-ish, by weaving story lines all over the place and then tying them all back together at the end (sans the blood and violence, which there was very little of). Then I got to thinking that doing such a thing would only confuse myself further and I'd never really get anywhere.

So, what I'm going to try to do is break up the story into a few posts, starting from my last day here and ending with yesterday's events. Hopefully my mind holds on to it's slippery grasp of reality and I can make it through!

Here we go...

As you may recall, Wednesday, May 24th was my last post. It was a culmination of excitedness, nervousness, and relief. I made it through the work day without any problems. My coworkers surprised me with a wonderful monetary wedding gift early that day. I'm still trying to think of a way to really say thank you to everyone, but I'm not sure just how yet.

I scrambled around most of the day thinking about anything that I could have forgotten. I made sure to pay my electric bill (actually I gave it to our department's assistant to take care of it) before I left, so that was taken care of. I checked my cable bill online and it showed that I had a ZERO balance, so I didn't really think about it any further. That would come back to haunt me later, but we’ll get to that, in due time!

I kept double-checking, in my mind, everything that I could possibly forget, and, as far as I knew, it was all there. I had done the most anal thing I could think of and actually mapped out my clothing for each and every day, from that Wednesday night to Tuesday, June 6^th. I actually put it on an Excel spreadsheet, so I could check off things that I had packed, thus not forgetting them.

I left work about five minutes early, just to re-check everything at the apartment before I left. I meant to turn off all of the ceiling fans and set the thermostat at close to 80, so it wouldn’t kick on much while I was gone. I remember to shut off the fan in the bedroom, but I was sweltering in the living room, so I forgot to shut it off. I did remember the thermostat though!

My buddy Kenny, from work, came and picked me up at 5:15, and we were on our way to the airport. I had printed out my boarding passes and all that good stuff prior to leaving work, just so I could check my bags at the curb and head straight to security.

The security checkpoint was a little busier than usual (by usual I mean Sunday afternoon’s or morning’s when I usually fly out of Memphis). Luckily I was pretty smart and packed most of my metal items in my backpack. I had already wrapped up my wedding present to Adrianne, without even thinking there may be something in there that the security personnel might not like, and put it in a big TJ Maxx bag with my backpack. I also had a small duffel bag that had my clothes in it for the weekend of the wedding. The duffel bag went through without any problems, but they wanted to re-check my TJ Maxx bag. All would’ve been okay if the woman behind me hadn’t have said “You’re lucky they’re not making you unwrap it.”

My mind started swarming. “What are they looking at? Holy Shit! If I have to unwrap that present, and rewrap it! Fuck that! I might just have to go off on someone! No! Don’t do that! You’ll end up getting detained, missing your flight, and maybe even the wedding! Just be cool! Act like nothing is wrong!”

I put on my coolest “What’s up Man?” look and stood by patiently. Finally, after what seemed like half an hour of going back and forth on the conveyor belt (in the X-ray machine) the guy sent it through. On the inside I left out a huge “Whew!” followed by a joyous yelp. However, on the outside, I was still cool as a cucumber. I gave a loud “thank you” to the X-ray operator, and a “Have a great night!” to the other security personnel at the checkpoint. Now, where’s my gate?

Memphis doesn’t have the biggest airport, but damn, they’ve got some food in there. The places I know of, off hand, are Corky’s BBQ, Neely’s BBQ, Arby’s, Lenny’s Sub Shop, Sun City Café ( I think that’s the name), and one other place that I can’t recall the name of right now (maybe Blues City something or other). I walked by both Neely’s and Lenny’s on my way to the gate. I had nearly two hours to kill before my flight left.

I called Adrianne to see what they were up to. It just so happens that they were already in Evansville doing a little shopping, and getting ready to go get a bit to eat at Nagasaki (Adrianne’s favorite Japanese restaurant). I told her that I’d probably be starving when I got there so to warn Larry that we’ll need to make a pit-stop. Then she had the brilliant idea that I should just get something to eat at the airport. I’m not quite sure why I didn’t think of it, but I didn’t, really!

I went back down to Lenny’s (my favorite sub shop) and ordered a #1, regular, on wheat, with lettuce, tomato, and mayo. I just call it the usual, but the folks at this Lenny’s didn’t know me like the guys at the one downtown, so I had to actually tell them the entire order.

I got my sammich and headed back to the gate to sit, eat, and listen to some tunes. Well, parts one and two worked out pretty well, but something went deadly wrong with part three. I found a perch where I could watch the airplanes coming in, unwrapped my masterpiece of a sandwich, then pulled out my ever-handy Ipod.

The display was already showing that something was playing, so I popped in my earbuds. Nothing. Silence. I looked at the display to make sure it wasn’t showing that the song was paused or something. It wasn’t. I pressed the play/pause button. Nothing. I held it down (which usually makes it turn off). Nothing. I started going apeshit (on the inside of course. Remember I was calm, cool, and collected). My Ipod had frozen up, just when I needed it the most! No way in hell this could happen to me!

“I’m going to need you my friend! Please come back to me!!” I’m saying to myself in my head. Still nothing though. My Ipod is stuck at the 2:37 second mark of “Jambi” from Tool’s 10,000 Days. It’s what I wanted to hear too. Oh, it was like being in hell, only it was a little hotter in the airport terminal that that!

Oddly enough, my flight was actually on time. Being in the last group to board, there were no places left for me to store my carry on items. Luckily enough, though, the stewardess (I guess that’s not the proper PC term, is it? Should I use Flight Attendant? FA for short?), allowed me to place my TJ Maxx bag in the front storage with her things, which was a little more protected than the overhead bins. I also told her that my present to my soon to be wife was in there, so I hoped she would take care of it for me, since I didn’t want to not get married. That would’ve happened if Adrianne didn’t get a present, I promise!

For the most part my flight was uneventful. The guy next to me wouldn’t say a word to me. I must’ve stunk or something, because he was talking the ear off of a woman in the terminal that I don’t think he really knew all that well. Maybe I just didn’t look like good conversation material?

You all also know it wouldn’t be an unpleasant flight without a young child kicking the shit out of the back of my seat and screaming the entire 45 minute flight, right? Well, I got three of them. One woman had three small children in her care during the flight. I know all were under the age of six, and they were constantly fighting, picking at each other, getting loose into the aisles, and just being a nuisance to everyone else on the plane. All the while Uncle Frank isn’t doing shit to help out poor Mom. What a bag of douche.

The flight comes to an end, finally, with a soft touchdown at Evansville Regional Airport. The funniest thing happens while everyone is standing, waiting to get off the plane. One of the rugrats behind me gets up and starts grabbing the booty of the woman who was sitting across the aisle from me. She tries not to get mad about it, but after the 4^th time she actually turns around and looks at the mother, and then the Uncle (who’s actually standing up, supposedly keeping an eye on this one).

We unload the plane, right on the tarmac. I saw my luggage sitting right outside, and should’ve just grabbed it then and there. Instead, like a sheep, I followed everyone else inside to wait on the stupid luggage carousel.

Have you ever come in from a trip and wished that someone was waiting there for you? Well, that was me that night. I had a great wanton for someone to be waiting desperately to see me, and hopefully give me a big kiss when I stepped into the terminal.

Unfortunately, my ride and welcome wagon was late (actually not really, I was a little early) getting to the airport. So, there I was, sitting all alone on a bench in front of the Evansville Regional Airport, the last person left from the last incoming flight of the night. I was really a sad sight.

Okay, that’ll get you started for now. The saga is only beginning!