THE DAILY DIVERSION

Okay, so I was going to be "blog lazy" today and not post anything, but, instead, actually get some work done. However, I just got back from lunch and have no desire to actually work, so I got to thinking about some of the amusing things that we encountered on our honeymoon. Enjoy!

The "wet floors" reference comes from our first room at the resort (we ended up getting out of our two double bed room to a King size, like we had requested). Like I said before, it wasn't quite ready for us when we got there, so we went and ate before getting to go put our stuff in the room.

So, we get into the room right around 4 pm on Sunday. As soon as we walk in I almost slip and fall on the tile floor, which is absolutely soaked. I'm not talking about someone just misted the flowers and they got a little water on the floor, but, instead, high tide just ended and the water hasn't subsided back into the ocean yet. It was absolutely ice cold in the room, 20 degrees Celsius (which is 68 degrees Fahrenheit, or 293.15 degrees Kelvin, if you want to be an asshole about it) to be exact, so I immediately thought that it must just be condensation from being so hot and humid outside, mixed with the cold temperature inside.

We dealt with it and tried to just say "Oh well! It's no big deal". That worked until we went to go to bed that night. I don't know about you, but I cannot hop into the bed with wet feet. Have you ever tried it? It's not really a comfortable feeling and, really, it's just weird.

So, we end up grabbing a towel out of the bathroom and setting next to the bed on the floor. That way we can wipe the bottoms of our feet off before we get in bed. That works once, but before long it's just a nuisance having soaking wet floors. We figured at some time they'd finally dry up, but they never did. Finally I just grabbed the foot towel and ran it over every inch of the room, until our floor was as dry as I could get it. I hated ruining a perfectly good white towel, but I was getting to the point that I was worried that one of us would slip and fall and crack our head open. Yes, the floors were that wet!

Oh, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention how weird it is going to the bathroom and having wet feet. It just reminds me way too much of going to the bathroom at a bar and seeing a soaking wet floor, which is the norm. I, sure as hell, wouldn't want to take my shoes off in there!!

What makes it worse is that later on I figured out that it was not condensation on the floors, but they had mopped the floor just before we got there and it never dried because of the cool conditions in our room. I guess if I hadn't have wiped the floors with a towel, then they would've just stayed like that. Do they really think that people like walking around on sopping wet floors? Well, some may, but not us.

The next point I want to talk about must be preempted with a statement, just to keep my ass out of hot water (not saying that the statement isn't true though)...

Disclaimer: I was not checking out other women on our honeymoon. I just see things. Actually I see everything. I remember things that some people never see, even when it's right in front of them. I, also, have a photographic memory, and some things get etched in there that shouldn't be. End Disclaimer.

I noticed that the only people that sunbathe topless were foreign (obviously meaning: NOT AMERICAN). The women that men would like to see topless (probably most of them American) would never think of being out in the sun without their top on, however they will go to the tanning bed butt-asses naked, everyday, just to make sure they don't have any tan lines. Does that make any sense?

That being said... Most of the women who were topless really shouldn't have been (or at least I wished they wouldn't have been). REALLY!!!

I was nearly blinded one day by this (Australian/New Zealander) woman. Really, I couldn't tell where her breasts ended and her stomach began (yes, she was a pretty big woman, torso-wise), and, luckily for me, I only caught a glimpse of her. Adrianne, on the other hand, really checked her out.

Our conversation:

A: "Did you see her?"
J: "Only for a second, thank goodness."
A: "Well, she must've used to have been a lot smaller, because those are a nice set of fake tits (not sure she used that verbage though) she has."
J: "What? You've got to be joking!"
A: "No, check them out. You don't see how perky they are?"
J: "Baby, I'm not looking her direction again unless she's walks right in front of me."

I only saw a couple other women sunbathing topless. One of them, that I actually remember (and it actually wasn't because of her though, but I'll get to that point), had less up top than I do, and I don't really have man breasts either (by any means). Is there a smaller cup size than 'A'? Do they have '-A' or 'aaA' or something? This woman fit that billing, either way.

However, like I said, she wasn't really the reason that I remember her though. It was her husband. I, actually, didn't notice him at first. Adrianne did. She, subtly, got my attention and said "Did you check out his Speedo?"

Since, normally, I don't want to see any man in any Speedo, I replied, "No. What's up with it?"
"Just check it out next time you can."

Talk about a sexy little bitch!! He was rocking a light-tan colored, tiger striped "banana hammock". It really was a thing of beauty. If I would've had something that looked like that, you can bet your sweet ass that I would been letting everyone see it too! Oh, behold the awesomeness of a tiger striped Speedo!! I will never be the same!

Speaking of Speedos...

I believe I posted about my Sister's deal she made with us, prior to our heading to Mexico. Well, I lived up to part of the bargain, BIG TIME! Now, I'm not going to post pictures of me in my "junk locker" because it may just be too much for some viewers (even though I am a sexy little girl). However, we took enough pictures of me "hanging out" in my Speedo to make a 24 month calendar. Man! My Sis didn't know what she was in for when she posed that question!

Now I jsut keep hearing that stupid song "I'm too Sexy" in my head. I'm so glad I lost some weight before we went on the trip!