THE DAILY DIVERSION

Well, once again, I have learned that I really need to just stay in bed until about 10 am every day. Otherwise I just screw something up. Luckily today it didn't have anything to do with large amounts of money, otherwise I'd be blogging from jail, but it was pretty silly nonetheless.

It seems as though my brain really doesn't function much prior to about 10 am every morning, with the exceptions of weekends. During the week I struggle to get out of bed when I need to, then the first few hours of the day are just a blurry haze. On the weekends though, I have no problem waking up, ready to take on the world (or a Memphis bum or two, not that they'd be up and fighting at that time), at 7 am. It's just borderline insane that my body works like that. I'm guessing it's just my overall disdain for work, period.

That, or it could be that I'm awakened 5,000 times every night/morning during the week by firetrucks, police cars, garbage trucks, bums screaming, neighbor's shouting, or you name it. During the weekend, none of that shit seems to happen and I don't know why.

I've tried to sleep with earplugs in, but that gets kind of dangerous. If Adrianne doesn't wake me up when she leaves in the morning and pulls them out, I can easily not hear my alarm clock. Then I'd really be late to work. Speaking of which, what is "late to work"? One minute? 5 minutes? An hour? Not showing up at all? Well the last one isn't technically "late" I guess.

So, anyway, I'm half dazed and most confused this morning, as usual, and I hit the shower, brush my teeth, shave, and get dressed, just like I usually do. Actually, I sleepwalk through it most days, as it's just a routine I'm used to. I'm seriously OCD in that regard. Everything in the exact same order: use bathroom, brush teeth, take vitamins, take shower, deodorant, shave, fix hair, drawers - left leg first, undershirt - left arm first, socks - left foot first, dress shirt - left arm first, pants - left leg first, tuck in shirt - from the back to the left then front then right, collar stay - left first, button sleeves - left first, belt, left shoe, right shoe, tie tie, clean glasses and put them on, name badge on belt, wallet in left breast pocket of coat, coat on, make smoothie.

This morning was no different. All of those things in that exact order. However, I found out, at 2:30 this afternoon, I put my underoo's on backwards. To be honest, they're tagless and seamless boxer briefs, so it's not hard to mix up the front and back. However, I did feel like an idiot at the time.

The good news is that I can wear them again tomorrow! GROSS!