THE DAILY DIVERSION

Yes, I'm actually talking about myself. I just keep thinking to myself "Self, you're getting too old for this shit!".

Back in the day I could go out any night of the week, get absolutely smashed and be on time to work the next day and it not be a big deal. Actually there was a stretch of my time in Owensboro where I would go out 3 or 4 nights during the week, especially during the summer.

Well, I haven't done it in a long time, and it shows. I feel like a warmed over turd today. Originally I was supposed to babysit last night while Adrianne, her sister, and her Mom went out partying. Well, the plan changed and I was sent out with the girls while Mom stayed at the apartment. So, naturally, I call up my homeboy, John, to help entertain for the evening.

In the beginning he really didn't feel like going out, and even partially said "No thanks" to the invitation. I guess that all changed around 8:15, because he came down to the Majestic and joined us while we were eating.

Well, I say we were eating, but it was more like "waiting to eat", since that seems like all we really did while we were there. I could dog the shit out of our server, because he was worse than horrible, but what's the point? The food, when we got it, was really good. The service needed a lot of work.

So, we wrap up dinner just before 9 pm and head over to Swig. Swig is a trendy, semi-upscale martini bar that's just a block off of Beale Street. We stop by there and it just so happens there's a table on the outside deck and some chairs with our names on them.

Did I mention how beautiful of an evening it was? No, well, it was gorgeous! There was a nice, light breeze, low humidity, and the temperature was just right. Too bad it was a Wednesday!

So, we're on the patio of Swig... John and I both order a beer and the girls order Jolly Rancher martinis. Watermelon for Chantay and Sour Apple for Adrianne. I didn't taste them, but they sure smelled tasty! Before their drinks are finished, both of the ladies are feeling slightly buzzed. They both had a cocktail as we were walking down to the Majestic, and then had a glass of wine before we ate. Adrianne and Chantay split a Grey Goose with a splash (and I mean a splash) of Cranberry juice too. That was John's idea. I had a Crown and Coke at the casa before leaving, then had a Blue Moon at Majestic.

Our first round are just about kaput, so we order a second round. Adrianne puts the kabosh on her drinking for the time being, instead opting for some water. Chantay decides its time to switch over to beer for a little bit. John and I order the same thing we had before, Newcastle for me and Miller Lite for him.

The more we drink the better the conversation gets. Everyone, but John, decides that it's nearly time for him to get married. He's staunchly opposed to it though. However, we believe it's in his best interest to do so. We end up agreeing to disagree on the subject.

We polish off round two and decide to head down to The Flying Saucer. Actually you can't really say "head down to", since it's right next door to Swig. John, of course, knows the door man, so we don't have to pay the cover and walk right in. We saunter over to the bar and over a round of beverages for everyone. It's a little before 10 pm and the place already has a pretty good crowd, again, for a Wednesday night. However, we are able to find a table to rest our weary bones for a few minutes.

I think I only had one beer at the Saucer, while Adrianne had a Framboise, or something like that. It was fruity smelling, and Adrianne liked it, at least until it was almost gone (where she could taste the alcohol). We didn't stay at the Saucer too long, but we at least wanted to show Chantay the place. Afterall, it was her virginal trip to Memphis. We're out!

Next stop, Alfreds. This is John's favorite spot. He knows every soul working in the place. This night happened to be Karaoke night, and the butchers came out to kill what was left of some decent music. My favorite horribly sung song of the night: "All the Small Things" by Blink 182. Oh man, this guy absolutely destroyed it. However, it was funny to watch, because he was really getting into it, and putting on a show.

We had a few drinks at Alfreds, including a shot (or two, I can't remember), and the girls wanted a little starchy snack, so John ordered them up some french fries. Those poor fries had ZERO chance. They were all over them like a bum on a tourist. "Hey man! I don't mean no harm. I'm just trying to [insert hard luck story here], could you help me out? Do you have any change?"

I just want to say (sometimes) "Really, the 28 cents I have in my pocket is going to cure everything that ails you? Well then, here you go!" Dammit! I hate bums. I feel sorry for homeless people, because it's not necessarily their fault, but not bums. Bums have the option of just hanging out begging and bothering people. Go get a fucking job, just like everyone else, and leave me the hell alone!

Whoa! Sorry about that! I'm not sure where that came from. I haven't even had any run-ins with bums since I got back from the honeymoon. I guess it was just some built up mess in my head. That or I'm just cranky from being hung-over and tired?

Okay, so where were we? Oh yeah, the girls polished off the fries, so we decided to see some more of Beale Streets finest establishments. We leave Alfred and head toward Pat O'Brien's. I really like Pat O's. It always has a nice atmosphere and usually isn't ridiculously loud and obnoxious. However, tonight, Pat O's was completely dead. They didn't have the dueling pianos going on, and no one was out of the patio. There were three people sitting in the other bar, so we hit the bricks again.

Coyote Ugly opened up just prior to my leaving Memphis for the wedding, so, obviously, I hadn't been there. The girls wanted to see it, so we headed in that direction. John forewarned us that it was horrible, and that was an understatement. The entire excitement and "flair" of this bar was music was playing and there were two or three girls dancing up on the bar. Woo Hoo!! Wow! Such excitement! Our trip there lasted approximately 3 minutes (or the length of one whole song), which was entirely too long. You can pretty much count on me not going back there for any reason. It sucked! (however, again, it was a Wednesday, so I should give them a break, since they probably had their "D" team in the game that night)

We leave the "Ugly"-ness and head back up Beale Street. I thought we might actually be heading home, but, of course, John ran into one of the bar managers that he knew, and we end up in BB Kings for a little while longer. The band was playing, live, "The Electric Slide". I'd never actually heard it played live before, but they did a great job. Unfortunately I hate the song though. It was a pretty mixed clientele in BB's, but only the silly white folks were doing the electric slide on the stage. Those goofy crackers!!

We had a couple more drinks here, including another shot, which was actually about three shots in one, when my eyes start closing on me. That's usually the best sign that I need to get my ass home and in bed. So, I became "That guy". You know, "that guy" that ruins the party. "That guy" that is no fun. I was him. However, "I" was almost asleep on my feet. Yes, I'm getting too old for this shit! By the way, it was 12:30 am on Thursday now.

The four of us stroll over to John's apartment to make sure he makes it in okay, which, of course, he does. However, not before reminding us all that he's really disappointed that we're going home before 1 am. Remember, he didn't really want to go out earlier!

Next thing you know we're safely back in our building. When we left the apartment earlier it was kind of in shambles. Rosemary said she was going to do some painting, but "WOW", she had already completely finished the guest bath, which looks great, while also putting the base coat on the kitchen. It all looked so good. Finally, so color in our apartment other than egg-shell white.

I don't know how late she stayed up after I went to bed, but when I woke up this morning the entire kitchen had it's color on it. Man, is it something else!! I'm so excited. I can't wait to see the finished product. Right now I'm kind of living in a "While you were out" dream. I have no clue what I'm going to come home to, but I know it's going to look great!