THE DAILY DIVERSION

UMM.... WHAT?

I wasn't going to make a post today, but looking at most of my friends blogs, it appears that they are being lazy too, so I'll step up to the plate. I'm doing it also because I probably won't have an entry this weekend. I usually don't. I have other things going on then, and I like to do this in lieu of working.

I can't remember any dreams from last night. I didn't wake up and have anything in my head to write down, so no discussion of what's going on in there today. I also didn't wake up with a song rattling around. That's a good thing, since I forgot my Ipod today. I'm too lazy to walk the whole block back to my apartment to get it. I'll probably just have Adrianne bring it to me when we go to lunch. That's much easier.

Well, part of what I said in that last paragraph was true. I didn't wake up with a song in my head, but I quickly had one once I looked at what time it was when I finally got up (see below). My alarm clock originally went off at 7:20, but I hit snooze. Then, in a daze, I tried to reset it for 7:45. **Note to self -- Do not attempt to reset your alarm clock when you're mostly asleep. As it will always end up not working!**

Okay, I just rechecked it (my phone is my alarm clock), and I did set it for 7:45. I guess I just forgot to turn it on. Anyway, I fell back asleep for a little bit when I started thinking "Man, It's been a long time since my alarm went off. I wonder what time it is?"

I reach over, grab my phone, and find out that it's 7:55. Yikes!! I guess I'd better get out of bed and get to hustlin'. Ya'll know it's hard out here for a pimp, right? Just checking! Anyway, Adrianne rolls over and says "What time is it?" I reply "Well, I'm already late." She asks again "Well, what time is it?" I tell her that it's 7:55 and I gotta get movin'. She replies in her sad voice "Well, I guess you're not going to get off work early today, are you?" I just tell her "We'll see."

Yesterday afternoon my boss come by and tells me "Tomorrow is a breather day. So we can catch our breath." I kind of think to myself "What the hell does that mean?" I've worked for him for right at two years now and he's never said that before. Does it mean that we can come in at 10 am, fool around for a couple of hours, go to lunch, come back and fool around for another hour, and then go home before 3 pm? That's what I'm hoping anyway.

Anyway, I get a shower and am ready to go in record time. I actually make it to the office by 8:20. The first thing one of our assistants says to me is "Wow, you're early?" I say "What? I'm running late again?" She just looks at me and smiles, then says "Well, you beat the boss in."

"Dammit!!" I think to myself "I could've stayed in bed longer!" Our assistant sees the look on my face and says "Well, it's too late now. You're already here. You can't go back." Unfortunately she's right. Man that sucks! I could've stayed in bed for a little while longer. Well, like 3 minutes anyway! My boss rolled in about that much time after I did. Ha!! He'll never know when I got here!

So, now I'm at work and bored. I figured out what "Breather Day" is. We don't really have to do any work. My boss sent out an email yesterday afternoon that we met our goals for the year (our year end is March 31), and made his boss very happy. That doesn't mean that we're going to get any big raises or anything, but a pat on the back is better than a foot to the ass, I suppose. We haven't met our goals in either of the past two years, so this was a first. However, it's not really our fault that the goals haven't been met. Truthfully, the goals are too large for a staff the size of ours. The only way we accomplished them this year is because we implemented faster techniques and cut a few corners (not bad though). We actually met the high end of our goals, which is even better.

Sadly enough, I actually have work to do. I jumped off of the project I was working on fix a problem someone else was having, that directly attributed to our overall goal. I worked on it Monday through yesterday morning. When we got the okay on it, I started working on my project again. I actually knocked out the most difficult part of it yesterday, but still need to do some significant work on it. I know Beed would be interested. It's a set up Excel spreadsheets that all interlink and come to a final answer. I still need to work on some Macros and what nots and then finalize the layout. Right now it's just a jumble of events that work.

Anyway, I probably won't work on it today, much. I plan on just cruising around on the internet and seeing if I can find some interesting things to read.

Quick break from my rambling...

Song of the Day: "Dark that Follows" by Evans Blue from The Melody and Energetic Nature of Volume

The only lyrics I've got this morning are:

Yeah, that's me beating myself up over sleeping too late. That's it. Unfortunately I cannot listen to the song to get it out of my head, well, at least until this afternoon.

Instead of listening to the loud mouth next to me on his speakerphone, I decided to pull up Pandora and listen to some tracks on there. It's actually a pretty cool website, where you can set up playlists of things you like to listen to and they offer some alternatives. If you enjoy "Evans Blue" then set them up, and they'll put some other artists on there that are similar. Right now I've got an absolute horrible song playing. It's like a bad mixture of Poison and White Lion. The name of the band is Hammerfall and the song is called "The Templar Flame". Oh god!! It's horrible. They're trying to bring the screechy guitar rift. Ugh!! I can't skip this song, because I've already skipped too many today, so I have to listen to it. However, I did set it up to never play that group again. Whew!! It's over!

Here's a little news from the Memphis front. This comes from a friend of Adrianne's. Thanks Camille!

Three 6 Mafia Recording With Paris Hilton
Mar 29, 4:47 PM EST

Oscar-winning rappers Three 6 Mafia say they are producing and recording tracks with Paris Hilton.

"We ran into her at a William Morris Agency party and she said she liked our song `Stay Fly' and asked could we work with her," said Jordan "Juicy J" Houston, a member of the Memphis hip-hop group.

Houston said the group was in a Los Angeles recording studio Tuesday with the hotel heiress and reality TV star.

"We let her listen to a dance track and she really liked it and plans to record it tonight," Houston told The Commercial Appeal newspaper by phone Tuesday.

He said that since the group won the Oscar for best original song for "It's Hard out Here for a Pimp" from the film "Hustle & Flow" they have been swamped with all sort of requests.

Wow! Another Holiday to Celebrate here in Memphis! I wonder if we get that day off from work? I sure hope so, since it's a Saturday this year!

Never mind homelessness, panhandlers, city budgets, school closings, or our poor government. We need Three 6 Mafia Day!!! Man, I hate governments.

I'm wondering what I'll have to do to get a key to the city and a special day here. I'm thinking about actually showing up to work on time on consecutive days. Maybe that will be enough?

ITSY BITSY SPIDER...

Some silly stuff happened last night whilst I slept. I had a wacky, almost funny, dream, and I got a song in my head that just has no explanation. I'm going to blame it all on watching the movie "Saw" last night and having sloppy joes. Damn, those sloppy joes were good!!

I also tried a new beer last night. It's a German brew called "DAB". It says something on the label about being the original "Dortmunder" or something. It was pretty good. Good enough that I had two of them.

It was a beautiful day in Memphis yesterday. Of course, I was inside all day, until after 5 pm. That's the life of a workin' man I suppose. Anyway, after I threw off the shackles of work's monotony, Adrianne and I went for a wonderful walk down at Tom Lee Park (along Riverside Drive). It's hard to believe that in just about a month that park will be destroyed by over 150,000 in a 3 day period. Some call it the "Memphis in May Music Festival". I call it craziness. It's a madhouse, but they have some good bands there. We went last year to all 3 days. I can't say that's going to happen again this year, but it might. The list of bands is pretty good. Check it out!

Okay, onward toward the silliness that my sleepy-time gave me...

Song of the Day: "If I Didn't Have You (I Don't Want Nobody, Baby)" made most popular by Patti LaBelle on Gems, but sung by a ton of people on a ton of albums.

Wowsers! This is a real off the wall one. I actually woke up very early with this on in my head, and it stuck with me. My "Boo" was asleep next to me, so I'm not sure if it was about her or not. I'm thinking it was about all of the junk that I've gotten rid of lately. Kidding!! Oh, and I don't have this song on my Ipod, so I'll have to listen to something else.

Dreamy time: **Note to audience-- You know you're working too much when it trickles into your dreams** I'm wandering around my office looking for someone named Dana Fosselman. I do not know if they are a he or a she. I ask my co-workers and they just laugh at me, like I'm supposed to know it's a woman. I say to one of them "Well, Dana Altman is a guy. He coaches basketball at Creighton."

I end up walking into the office of the oldest member of our team. He's been with the company for 32 years now. I stroll in, but we're no longer in our office. We're at Greenwood High School. Well, at least how it looked when I was there. We were in a regular classroom, but it looked like a biology lab or something, with counters all around the room. He and a lady, that I assumed to be Dana Fosselman, were talking about something. I interrupt them to ask "Have you seen the appraisal I need?"

They both kind of disregard me and continue talking. About that time I see a giant tarantula crawling along the counter toward the two of them. I'm on the opposite side of the room as the spider, and I try to warn them of it's approach. It picks up speed and ends up going right past "Dana". It crawls up the side of Larry's Ole Miss thermos cup (which he always drinks out of) and right up his arm to his head. He seems unaware. I move closer to the door and start screaming and shouting for the spider to come after me. It jumps off of Larry's head onto the counter and raises up two front legs on one side and one leg on the other side as if saying "I see ya buddy! You're next!"

As it's raised up it opens it's mouth (yes, it had a regular mouth like a person), and lets out a menacing "hiss" sound. I don't know that it really scared me, but once I saw it moving toward me, it was time to hit the bricks. I sprinted out the door and tried to make an immediate right turn. Then, just like in a shitty B horror movie, I fell down. While on the ground I looked back "in horror" to see the spider cruising toward me. I pick myself up and start running. I'm not running like I would really run if I was afraid of something, because I'd have 4 flat sprinter speed if that was the case. Instead, I'm running like a complete doofus. My arms and legs are flailing out, just like the dingleberries in the movies do when they're chased through the forest.

I turn a corner to another hallway and look back, only to see the tarantula shimmying at mach speed. I actually think to myself "Damn, that spider can really fly!" Finally, I see an open door with lights on inside. I stumble in it and slam the door shut. "BAMM!"

Now, I'm standing in an empty room. There's nothing to climb on and no where to hide from the spider. I look down at the door, and there's a gap of about a half inch under it. I start to worry about if the spider can get through it and then I wake up.

Okay, in the case of this dream, I actually got up out of bed, went in the kitchen and found a note pad and pen. I wrote down some of the key elements of the dream while they were still fresh in my head. It was about 3:30 when I woke up from this dream, so I knew I'd go back to sleep and forget it. Here are my exact notes:
-Dana Fosselman
-Looking for Appr
-Tarantula chaising me around school

Yes, being mostly asleep affects my spelling. I do know how to spell "chasing". My hand writing is bad enough when I'm awake and sober, so it was bad enough that I was mostly asleep and trying to write in the dark. I'm surprised I actually put three words together that made any sense. Anyway...

What it means? I'm going to go the easy way out today and use a lot of the dream dictionary. It should be noted that I am not afraid of spiders, even the big ones, like the fella in my dream.

First and foremost I was at work, which really sucks, since I spend more than enough time there as it is. Here's what the dictionary tells me that means:
Work: To dream that you are at work, indicates that you are experiencing some anxiety about a current project or task. The dream may also be telling you that you need to "get back to work". Perhaps you have been slacking and need to pick up the pace.

Well, I have been worrying about a project, but I made a big breakthrough on it yesterday. Maybe my dream was telling me to get back to it while I was making some headway? I'm always a slacker, except when the chips are down. I'm usually efficient enough that I don't worry about procrastinating.

Next I saw my coworker in, what I though was, danger. Here's what they say about seeing coworkers:
Coworker: To see your coworkers in your dream, highlights aspects of your waking relationship with them, including difficulties/support. It signifies your ambition, struggles and competitive nature.

We have a good working relationship, and he's actually been quite the mentor to me. Maybe my wanting to keep him from harm was a sign of me wanting to return the favor of him helping me all the time? That's the best I can deduce.

Ah yes, the itsy bitsy spider. Well, that bastard was anything but "itsy bitsy". He was a beast! The main part of his body was at least the size of a CD. Let's just put it this way... He was a big ol' boy!
Spiders: To see a spider in your dream, indicates that you are feeling like an outsider in some situation. Or that you may want to keep your distance and stay away from an alluring and tempting situation. The spider is also symbolic of feminine power. Alternatively, a spider may refer to a powerful force protecting you against your self-destructive behavior.

Okay, the first thing that came to mind when I read this is that I'm running away from trying to keep my distance from something alluring. Being that this statement is a double-negative, wouldn't that mean that I'm moving toward something enticing? Hmm... Have I confused you as much as I'm confused?

Here's what I really think of the spider. If it truly symbolizes feminine power, then it's probably a symbol of my fiancee. The simple fact that I was trying to coax it away from others means that I'm trying to get her attention all to myself. When I was running away from it like a big goober, it was just my goofy way of playing "hard to get". Finally, she got me right where she wanted me, and where I wanted to be. That's my personal take on all it .

Man, I love having semi-funny dreams. I'm still not sure what the person's name meant in my dream or why I remembered it. I may try to do a google search and see what comes up. I'm willing to bet that it's just a name I saw while watching the credits on a TV show or movie.

Okay, time to stop slacking and GET TO WORK!! Thanks dream!

LOSING SUCKS! THERE'S NO OTHER WAY TO SAY IT!

My lady and I went and watched our first live basketball game since the Toppers beat New Orleans in Murfreesboro. It was a little different game though. We went and watched the Grizzlies face off against the Seattle Supersonics. Once again my buddy that works for the Grizz hooked me up. We sat about 6 rows behind the Seattle bench. The face value on our tickets were $138.75, each. We had 3 of them. I started thinking "400 bones to watch some hoops? Man, that is crazy! Oh well, they're free!"

The Grizzlies jumped out on them early, taking a 14-2 lead, with 9 minutes left in the first quarter. That's when I decided to take a potty break and grab a beverage. Big mistake! I can tell you that much! Usually a large Sierra Mist is magic for a win. Well, at least at Diddle, but I have to buy it before the action starts. The Toppers only lost once at home this year, while I was at a game, and that was when Pacific came in town. I made the mistake of not purchasing my S.M. pre-game, and tried to make up for it at halftime. It didn't work. The team knew I didn't follow my pre-game ritual, so I take full responsibility for that loss.

Anyway, I get back to my seat, and it's 19-11. The Sonics put on a spurt and take the lead. Shortly before halftime they had it up by as many as 12. We fight back in the second half and take a slim lead going into the final frame. Pau Gasol was a beast last night. He ended up breaking the Grizzlies most points scored in a game record, by notching 44. The prior record was 41, held by Mike Miller (this year) and Bryant (Big Country) Reeves. He also broke the record for scoring in 3 consecutive games. He needed 31 last night, but nearly had that at halftime. Unfortunately, the real record I wanted to see didn't happen.

The Grizzlies were on a 7 game win streak, tying the longest in team history. Last night would've broken the record. We're up 4 with less than 45 seconds left in the game, so I'm thinking it's in the bag. Seattle has the ball with the shot clock running down. I think Ray Allen has the ball, and is attempting a shot when the shot clock goes off. From my vantage point (which was pretty good I might add), the ball was clearly still in his hand when the buzzer sounded. He drains the 3, and it counts. We just sit there stunned! The officials didn't check the monitor, nor did Fratello adamantly complain about it. We take the ball down the court and promptly turn it over. Up 1 with 17.4 seconds left. Ray Allen gets the ball out top facing off against Eddie Jones. Man, what a matchup. Eddie plays great D on Ray and forces him to a difficult shot. The ball rattles around and finally drops with 0.3 on the clock. Immediate Time Out. We have the ball out of bounds at halfcourt. Shane impounds the ball by tossing it toward the backboard, where Pau is attacking. Two Seattle players tap it out of bounds. Ball Game! Dammit! It sucks to lose!

Okay, onto the good stuff (actually I thought the ball game was pretty good, regardless of the loss)...

Dream of the day: I'm sleeping in my old water bed that I got rid of years ago. It was a real piece of crap, but I loved it while I had it. It had the vinyl cushioned rails on the sides. (You'll need that for future reference)

Anyway, I'm sleeping and I keep hearing the "tapping" sound. I wake up to see Adrianne trying to break a green Heineken bottle on the rail. I immediately hop up out of bed and yell "What the hell are you doing? Why are you trying to break glass in our bed?" She doesn't say a word, but keeps pounding the bottle off the railing. I try to wrestle the bottle away from her, but finally she tosses it across the room. It doesn't break. I lay back down to go back to sleep.

I hadn't been asleep too long when I hear the "tapping" again. I wake up and this time she's trying to bust the bottle on the wall. Again, I get up out of bed to confront her about it. She tries to hide the bottle from me, but I end up chasing her around the bedroom, trying to get the bottle from her. Finally I do, and throw it in the trash.

We both head back to bed. Again, I'm asleep for only a few minutes when I hear her rustling around. I open one eye to see what's going on. Now she's standing, barefoot, on the bottle, trying to break it, even occasionally stomping on it. I'm perplexed. "What the hell is so important about breaking this bottle? Why won't she just let it go and get some sleep?" I end up thinking to myself. Then I wake up.

What it means: Well, first off, I had a pretty good conversation about beers with my neighbor, just before heading to bed, so that could be part of it. However, I hate Heineken (sorry Beed), so that's kind of out there. Maybe the empty Heiny bottle (that I don't like) and the fact that she's trying to destroy it signifies that she is helping me rid my life of things that aren't good for me, or that I don't like, by any means necessary? That's really the best I can come up with this morning. I thought it was a funny dream though, especially when I got up and chased her around trying to get the bottle. That's been our last weekend. She's wanted to throw stuff away and I've argued to try to keep it. That might be a better reasoning for my dream. And, no, I didn't drink last night.

Song of the day: "Pulse of the Maggots" by Slipknot from Vol. 3: The Subliminal Verses

Not too sure why it's in my head today. I haven't listened to any Slipknot in at least a week. All I really heard though, was the chorus:


Ehh, chalk it up to the oatmeal I had before going to bed. We didn't have a whole lot of time to eat dinner before the game, so we kind of ate and ran. I was starving after the game though, but didn't want something big, so I had some Apple & Cinnamon instant oatmeal. It's the "Dinner of Champions".

IS IT REALLY A SMALL WORLD?

Man, do I have a doozie of a song in my head this morning. Unfortunately I don't have it on my Ipod, and the song SUCKS!!!

Song of the day: "Crystal Blue Persuasion" by Tommy James and The Shondells, along with several others, who knows what album. I had to look it up just to see who sung it the most. Talk about random songs? The only thing I can figure is that it must've been on the TV last night after I fell asleep and ended up creeping into my head. Otherwise, I have no idea how it got there. Man, that song sucks!! I don't even want to look up the lyrics or anything. All I heard was the chorus of the song, and that was enough for me.

On to other things...

I just happened to post a comment on one of my friends blog about one of the links she has on her website. It has been well documented that I moved last week. Just after we finished getting everything unloaded I met one of my neighbors that live on the same floor as myself. She was already up to speed on my situation. She knew I was getting married and that I was from Kentucky. I know I had met her before, but didn't remember telling her all of this. Side note, I found out yesterday that she is good friends with the folks that just moved out of the apartment I moved in to, who happen to be friends of mine.

Anyway, she comes down the hall to introduce herself, and immediately says "I'm from Bowling Green!" I just kind of laugh and say "I'm from Bowling Green too." We both had one of those "NO WAY" looks on our faces. She asks me how long I had lived in BG and where I went to school and all that good stuff. We chat about Western a little bit too.

She starts telling me a little bit about her family and where they live. She tells me that her family owns Chaney's Dairy Barn. I think to myself "Man, that sounds really familiar, why?", then I say to her "Wow, that sounds familiar?" She goes on to tell me that it's out on 31-W, and I know I've been out there, but it's been a while. She then says that her niece also went to Greenwood and is 29, so we'd almost have to know each other. Her name sounded familiar, but I've lost part of my mind in the 13 years since I graduated high school.

We chat a little bit more, then she notices that we're holding some groceries, and sends us on our way. She is super nice, as have been everyone else I've met on my floor. The aura of the floor is much better than it was upstairs. There are a couple of younger guys that live on the floor too that I've met. One of them I already sort of knew. So, I think I'm going to like it down here.

Anyway, back to it being a small world (cue the little kids in the Dutch outfits complete with wooden sneakers), I was reading one of my friends blogs yesterday when I looked at her links. Suddenly I see "Chaney's Dairy Barn". DING! Yes, the actual bell went off in my head!

"This can't be the same place, right?" I say to myself. I pull up the website and, sure enough, it's on 31-W just outside BG. Some of this stuff can just be scary. I move 4 hours away from BG, end up living on the same floor as someone else from BG, then find out that one of my Haven friends used to work at this place and still keeps the website running for them.

Oh what a small world we live in!

Did I ever tell my story about meeting Sid Vicious on the street just outside my apartment?




















No? Well that's another story, for another day!

I'M ALL OVER IT THIS MORNING...

Well, I finally had a dream I remember last night. It wasn't one that I want to have again any time soon, but I had it and I'll discuss it. I also had two songs today. Both were directly related to the dream, so I'll get to them also.

First things first, we finished moving. The entire apartment isn't completely set up yet, but most of the major areas are livable, and that'll work, for now. We actually got everything out of the old one Friday night, and before sundown at that. I've learned that you can move things a lot faster with 4 people than 1. I'll have to keep that in mind next time I decided to move again!

Okay, on to the dream...
Dream of the day: Adrianne and I are driving around in Bowling Green. We're not in either one of our car's though. Adrianne is driving someone's tan Toyota Camry, and I'm riding shotgun. I notice that I'm drinking caffeine-free Pepsi in a can, but I'm not drinking straight out of the can. I keep pouring small amount into, basically, a shot glass, and drinking half the shot at a time. I'm not sure why we're just driving around, until I get a call from a friend of mine from Owensboro. He tells me that he's at a bar and wonders if we'll come pick him up. I say, "Sure, why not!"

Anyway, we go to pick him up, and the place reminds me of the Executive Inn in Owensboro, but I know we're in BG. We pull around front and people are just sitting outside, smoking. Some woman that knows Adrianne flags us down and they chat for a few minutes. It looks like we're parked right in the middle of the patio or something, because people are just standing around. I think I see our friend, so I yell "Jeff! Yo Jeff!". The guy finally looks over at me, and it's not him. From the side it looked like he had a shaved head, like my friend, but when he turned toward me he had a full head of hair.

Finally Adrianne puts the car in park and go around the back to find him. They return instantaneously, but Adrianne hops in the back seat. Jeff assumes the drivers position. Does no one else see the problem with this? We're Jeff's designated drivers, since he's been drinking, yet he's driving? Before I can even say, "Wait, man, I'll drive!", we're out of the parking lot. He's driving around Willow Creek apartments in Bowling Green, and I keep telling him "Pull over and stop, and I'll drive." Instead, he acts like he's going to pull over and just keeps going. At one point he actually pulls into a parking lot, then proceeds to drive into a field over to another parking lot.

I start to get a little pissed and yell at him to "Park the fuckin' car! NOW!!" It still doesn't deter him. We're not on a one lane road. I don't know if it's a one way or not, but it's only wide enough for one car. He says "Let's see what this baby can do!" I adamantly say "NO!"

By now, Adrianne is asleep in the backseat. She has no clue what is going on, as Jeff pounds the accelerator. We're coming up on a curve when I see a little black boy (appeared to be about 3 years old), who was wearing an American Flag t-shirt and Spiderman sleepy pants, running out toward the street. I start screaming for Jeff to stop. He doesn't. He barrels us up around the curve and I look out my window and the box is running on his front porch, which is caged in with black bars. He couldn't get out to the street if he had to.

Then, as soon as I turn my head back to look out of the windshield a 1977 Lincoln Continental pulls out where it will hit us head on...

I shoot up out of bed where I'm sitting upright. I'm breathing so hard that it feels like my lungs are trying to escape my chest. I actually wake up Adrianne this way. This was at 5:45 this morning. I really haven't been back to sleep since then. My stomach hurt the rest of the morning, and I tried desperately to go back to sleep. Nothing happened. I just kept going over my dream in my head. Tis the life of a lucid dreamer.

What it means? To tell the truth, I have no clue. The driving thing I can understand. Usually driving has something to do with your path in life. The directions you're going, etc. In the beginning, Adrianne and I are driving along. That's good stuff. Our life paths going along smoothly. Then someone else takes over, which could mean that someone else is trying to influence our lives and push us in another direction. Not sure about that? It's just an idea. The speed with which everything happens is kind of bothersome too, but I usually drive fast, so it shouldn't bother me like it did. Maybe it was just because someone who was drunk was driving that fast. Seeing the kid on the porch, caged in, may signify my own "inner-child" wanting to get out? Lastly, I see the car accident coming, but get out of it before it happens. So, the accident could be some problems in my life, but by me waking up, thus diverting them, I won't have to actually deal with them.

Ahh, so many odds and ends this morning. I'm tired and need to go back to sleep for a while, but I'm at work and I've got things to do, as usual. So, I'd better go on to my song(s).

Song of the Day (#1): "Cold" by Crossfade from their self-titled album

PAIN, PAIN, GO AWAY... COME BACK ANOTHER DAY!

The moving process is now in full swing. I made several trips last night, prior to my fiancee getting here, around 8:45. Adrianne brought a full car with her of her things for "our" new apartment. Emptying it out was the last things I moved last night. Somewhere in the process I pulled the groin muscle in my left leg. It's hurting like crazy today, but I'll have to live with it. There is no other choice, well, at least not today. I've commandeered two of my co-workers to help me move the large things in my apartment, namely my TV, 2 couches, bed, and dresser.

So, the old saying "Lift with your legs" doesn't always work out. I chose to lift with my legs, so now my leg is shot, instead of my back. We'll see how that works out in the long run.

Bad news though...

No dream last night, and no song in my head. I think this is due to a couple of things. First off, I didn't get much sleep last night, even though I was absolutely exhausted. I've learned that it's difficult to adjust to having someone else in your bed with you when you haven't had that for a while. Last night was the first time I've had anyone in my bed with me since Adrianne was here in December. I don't believe anyone actually even seen my bed since then, besides myself. Hopefully tonight will be better. I won't put money on it though, since tonight will be our first night in the new apartment. However, I'll be so tired that I probably won't care. For what it's worth, I wouldn't have it any other way. One night without sleep with her beside me is better than a thousand night of great sleep, alone.

Secondly, I had a couple of beers (crappy Budweiser, it was the only choice) after I stopped moving stuff. That usually kills my ability to recall my dreams.

Another thing that may have affected my "daily song" is the fact that I didn't listen to any music after noon yesterday. I had forgotten that I downloaded the audiobook "My Life" which is Bill Clinton's autobiography. It's actually read by President Clinton. I decided yesterday that I'd start listening to it, and did. I've always like Billy Bob, and wanted to read the book, but just can never find the time. Audiobooks may be the greatest invention since antiseptics. As some of you know, I travel regularly from Memphis to Owensboro, or a 5 hours trip. I've got a ton music, but sometimes that's just not stimulating enough, so I get audiobooks. Thus far I've listened to the following: Fight Club, The Art of War (Sun Tzu), Mein Kampfe, The Philosophy of Neitchze, and The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. I prefer to listen to non-fiction and particularly philosophy and psychology. I wanted to hear "My Life" just because of who it's about. The story is pretty good, but what do you expect? Billy Bob was a pretty cool cat. The story has almost made me cry twice though. A couple of his stories really hit home with me. For those of you that don't know, here's how I feel about it...

I don't really have much more to talk about today. I'm already sore from moving last night, and probably should've taken the day off to move. Adrianne is over at the apartment moving things as we speak. Hopefully she won't hurt herself today. I tried to move the heaviest boxes last night prior to her arrival, leaving things she could move. However, I left her the worst thing in the world to pack... The kitchen. I started in packing up the kitchen last night, while waiting for 6:30 to come around, but never finished. I didn't want to lock up the elevator (which I had the key to do) until then, so that all of the people coming home from work wouldn't have to wait for just one elevator to go up and down. See, I can be a nice guy too!!

IT'S OFFICIAL... I'M MOVING....

Yes, I actually started last night. I moved everything out of my closet that I didn't need for a couple of days. I also moved almost all of our pictures (wall hangers). It looked like they were still doing some work on the new apartment, since there was a ladder in the middle of the living room floor. Hopefully, I'll get up there today and take some pictures before it's filled up with my junk and I'll share them. Anyway, I made 4 or 5 trips up and down last night, and decided to stop around 10 pm. I didn't want to disturb my new or old neighbors. I go to lock the place up, but my keys didn't work. "Dammit!" I say to myself. I've got a few grand in clothes in there, but I'm definitely not going to take them back upstairs. I guess they'll be alright. I'll find out today, won't I?

Song of the day: "Possession" by Evans Blue from The Melody and the Energetic Nature of Volume

It took me a while to figure out what song this was this morning. I had it narrowed down to a couple of artists, but I hadn't listened to this album enough yet to know every song. Luckily, I decided that I'd listen to it first, and it's the 7th track, so I didn't waste too much time finding it. For a change, I'm going to post the entire song, instead of just the part that was in my head. I'll bold that part though, so you know what I'm hearing.


Now that I really read all of the lyrics, I like the song even more. This is a way I've felt for a long time, until I found "you know who". I almost feel like I talk about her way too much, but she's all I think about. Every waking minute. I only have to last until around 8 pm tonight, and she'll be here to 2 weeks. I can't wait! I'm hoping her being here lets me sleep soundly again. It's been 3 days since I've remembered my dream. It sucks. I know most of it is just because I'm so tired and really need some true, peaceful sleep. We'll see if that ever happens. Maybe when I'm dead?

I think today, since there's no dream to talk about, I'll just talk about myself and some of my quirks. First off, as I've mentioned before, I have ADD or ADHD. I've never had a doctor officially say it, but it's one of those things you just "know" you have. I'm lucky to keep a train of though for more than 15 seconds. I even have problems listening to my boss for any time at all. I try to concentrate on him talking, but I find myself wandering off and looking around at everything else. Obviously, when this happens, I miss what he's saying. That's not a good thing. I have the same problem sometimes when Adrianne is talking to me. Unfortunately I can't use ADD as an excuse with her. I'm always sure to hit "mute" on the TV so it doesn't distract me, but I still find myself looking up at it and not listening to her. Believe me, she knows too. I really do feel bad about it, because I like to talk to her, since it's our only form of daily interaction right now, but I can't help it.

As a child I'd always get in trouble at school for talking too much, or just being "hyperactive". Hyperactivity was the precursor to ADD and/or ADHD. Back then they'd just tell parents to cut down on the sugars and such. Now they give kids Ridalin and turn them into zombies. I won't do that to my child. It's not fair. As disruptive as it is, I'd rather them have personality and a zest for life.

I've always been smarter than I needed to be. I was always in the gifted and talented classes, but was never challenged. I guess that's why I'm lazy now and haven't done more with my life. Adrianne and I have talked about this in-depth. She's such a hard worker, and is very intelligent, but doesn't think she is. We're polar opposites, well, outside of both of us being highly intelligent. I do just enough to get by, and try only hard enough not to get in trouble. My brain truly doesn't start functioning properly until 10 am. I'm just kind of walking around clueless from 8 am to 10 am. It's a wonder how I haven't been hit by a car yet on my walk to work. Luckily we have a security officer on the corner, and I kind of stay fixed on him. He tells me to "watch out" sometimes. David's a good guy.

I like simple humor as much as anyone else, but lately I've found myself drawn to more complex situations. I have friends that are doctors, psychatrists, etc, and it's a whole different world. They are great to talk to. I feel like they make me even smarter. We discuss everything from the best beers in the world, to our president, to sports, to the psychotic nature of man. It's really good stuff, especially the beer parts.

That's another story in and of itself. I did not like beer until my sophomore year in college. I'd drink it if I had no other choice, but that was it. To me it just tasted like crap. Of course, all anyone there drank was crap. I had the great choices of Milwaukee's Best Light, Busch light, Natural Light, and other random "light" beers. All of them sucked! Then, one day my buddy brought home a sixer of George Killian's Irish Red. I said "Let me try one of those". He originally said "No, you wouldn't like it. It's beer.", but decided to give me one anyway. Since that day I've made it my task in life to try anything different I could get my hands on. I'm in a good place for that now. I live near a "Beer Emporium" called the "The Flying Saucer" and they have a plethora of libations on tap at all times. They also change menus at least 3 times a year, and have new selections arrive every month. It's a beer lovers wet dream. They have a club you can join that tracks what you've had and prints out descriptions of the beers you've had. It's pretty cool, but I've yet to join. I'd probably be relatively close to having my own "saucer" on the wall by now. When anyone comes down to visit I try to take them there, mostly because I'm greedy, and like to have my way, but it's a nice joint to hang out in during the summer.

Okay, I've rambled enough for today. I guess I should at least act like I'm working for a little while. Actually, I think I'll just eat breakfast and take my vitamins.

Oh yeah, it's still cold here! It was 39 when I left for work this morning, and it's supposed to get up to 53 today! Yippee!!!!

SUMMER BREEZE... MAKES ME FEEL FINE...

Okay, when I think of this song I think of beautiful skies, sandy beaches with crystal clear water, fruity drinks, and wearing very little clothing. However, today is the exact opposite of that. It's freakin' freezing!! Today would be the one day that I forget to check out the weather before leaving home. I should've known better because it was an ice box in my bedroom this morning, again. Looking through the windows from my 15th floor apartment it appears to be a marvelous day. The skies are bright blue with little cloud coverage. The wind didn't appear to be gusting. All in all, you'd think it was in the mid 60's if you didn't know better. Well, obviously I didn't know better. Stupid me didn't put my winter coat on this morning. I regretted that the second I hit the pavement in the alley. The wind is blowing, and strong. Also, it's barely 35 degrees outside. I sucked it up and finished my walk to work. It would've taken the same amount of time to go back upstairs and get my coat anyway. Once I got here, I decided to get a little kinetic energy going, so I walked the 4 flights of stairs. It worked pretty well, since I wasn't all that cold when I made it to my desk.

Now, by the title of this entry you'd probably think that was the song of the day, but it's not. So, without further adieu...

Song of the day: "Broken" by Seether featuring Amy Lee (from Evanescence) from The Punisher Original Soundtrack

When I first saw myself type "broken" up there I wanted to follow it with "by Pantera, from Far Beyond Driven", but that's a completely different song! Some of you may remember this song from a couple of summer's ago. It was all the rage on the crappy pop radio stations, even though it's not a pop song. Nothing on that soundtrack is pop. I absolutely hate it when those shitty radio stations take decent songs and ruin them by playing then 35 times an hour!! And people wonder why I don't listen to the radio? Anyway, as I step off my soapbox, I watched the Punisher the other night on Cinemax, again. I have it on DVD, yet I still watched it on TV. Silly, isn't it? Unfortunately I don't have this song on my Ipod any longer. I took the soundtrack off a while back, since I never listened to it. That's the way it works sometimes. Instead, I'm listening to Tool's "Lateralus". Yes, I'm hyped about them releasing a new album soon. I'm still not sure of the date though. It was leaked that they'd do it during April, but from the website it says we'll be lucky to see it by mid-summer. I can wait. I've waited 5 years in between albums before, so they're way ahead of schedule on this one!

I can't remember any of my dreams from last night, except one little part, and it was of my walking to work, so nothing exciting there. Instead, I think I'll talk about a movie I saw last Friday and how I feel about it, politics, and the world we live in today. If you don't like "anti-Bush" thoughts, then go ahead and turn back now. I just thought I'd give that warning. Truthfully, I probably won't bust his balls that much, but he is the "anti-Christ" and you know it!

I went with a few friends to watch "V for Vendetta" on St. Patrick's Day. None of my friends were born in America, so it even more interesting to discuss this stuff with them than some of my friends who just think America is the greatest thing since sliced bread. I guess I should give some background on the movie prior to delving into the politics behind it.

The premise is it's sometime after 2015 in England. A fascist regime has taken power and eradicated all non-conforming non-Christian thought. There was international war prior to this, with martial law ruling most of England, and much civil unrest in it's wake. This new leader took on a Hitler-esque thought and assigned anyone who didn't believe the way he did to "concentration" camps. They called them "reallocation" camps or something like that, but it was a concentration camp, regardless. Most of the people that were sent there were homosexuals, non-whites, political dissidents, mentally-challenged, or insane. The military in charge of these camps did biological testing on the people there, and tried to use their tests for biological warfare and to build a "super" weapon (an individual). Most of the people in the camps died of various diseases or at the hands of the biological weapons testing. There was an explosion one night and the entire place burned to the ground. Most everyone died, except the person in cell #5 (V, in roman numerals). V takes it upon himself to put an end to the tyrannical government and show the people that they aren't supposed to fear their government, but it should be the other way around.

Okay, so there's so much more to this movie, but this is the jist of it. The author of the original book (if you really want to call it that. It is a set of ten 30+ page comics books, like "Sin City" was originally, before the movie), was very unhappy that the people who created the movie made it sound like they are taking personal strikes at George Bush. Not because he likes Dubya, because he despises the man, but because it was never about that. It's about the government and how evil a government can be.

So, we watch the movie and then head to a bar where we can discuss it. I immediately start the conversation with "I can see this happening in America, very easily". My first friend simply asks me "why?" "Well, as American's (and mostly Christians) it's in our blood to be obedient. We'll follow blindly like sheep while our fellow man is persecuted, torture, and killed, without asking questions. Hell, we're doing it right now. However, so of us actually like to think, and if our voice can become loud enough, will start a rebellion. So many of us are already tired of what Bush has done to our country, so can you imagine if we get a president right behind him that is the same way? It's in our nature to revolt."

My other friend then says to me "You'll never see it in your lifetime. Every "greatest civilization" has a 300 year timeline. That's the way it is. America just started it's 50th year of being the "greatest". I partially agree, but counter with "Yes, but think of the technology of those civilizations. We are so much further advanced than they were. What if our timeline is cut in half, say 150 years, due to technological advances? That means we're barely a hundred years away?"

The way I look at it is this, the people who made the movie drilled "anti-Bush" themes in there pretty hard. I try to look past that to see the big picture. They made the "leader" a powerful, Christian, take no "guff" kind of guy. Sounds like our president, right? I cannot look past what the government in the movie did, that our government may already be doing. In the movie, they eradicate everyone that doesn't agree with the "leader". Are we already doing some of that? Our government does it's fair share of forcing the poor to be poorer. It segregates communities. It turns our people against themselves. In the movie, the government intentionally sets up "terrorist" plots to kill thousands of people to scare the rest of the people into believing that the government is doing the right thing. After the accidents, they say either they have captured and killed culprits or cannot find them. Again, this sounds so very familiar.

However, like I said before, this movie was made to be a shot at Bush, I believe. I have commandeered a copy of the original comic series and plan on reading it, page for page, to see what has been altered to fit "today". Remember, the comics were written between 1982 and 1987. The year all of the "shit hit the fan" was 1997. I want to fully read this manuscript first before really telling how I feel about the movie.

As a whole though, the movie was very good and thought provoking. So many people are complaining about the symbolism of blowing up the houses of Parliament, but disregard that. If you plan on seeing the movie, go into it with an open mind and try to make judgments based on how you feel. In other words, attempt to think for yourself. It's a great idea!

Okay, I don't feel as though I really went anywhere with my rambling today, but I'm kind of tired of typing. I may revisit this topic at a later date. If you have already seen this movie, please give me your thoughts on it. I like to hear what others think, regardless if I don't agree with you.

IS THIS REALLY SPRING?

With the way the weather has been these first two days of spring I've been thinking it's still winter. I know, I shouldn't complain about 50 degree weather in mid-March, but it's already been in the 70's a couple of times. Also, it's just dreary. It's been rainy and cold in the mornings, which makes it so difficult to crawl out of bed. It doesn't help that I've been exhausted from packing and getting ready to move.

Anyway, I had a new song in my head this morning. I also had one I've already had before, so I'll make a little mention of it. So, here we go...

Song of the day #1: "Shine" by Collective Soul from Hints, Allegations, and Other Things Left Unsaid.

Good song. It's kind of old now, but still pretty nice. I've been thinking about my boo a lot lately. I can't wait for her to get down here on Thursday. The days can't go by fast enough! Anyway, this is a song that she wanted me to get for her so she could put it as a ringtone on her phone. I think it was just my way of thinking about her.

Song of the day #2: "Cold (but I'm Still Here)" by Evans Blue from The Melody and the Energetic Nature of Volume.

I know exactly where this one came from. It really has nothing to do with the song though. It's been amazingly cold in my apartment. So much so that it's starting to drive me nuts. I've got the heat on 75, but the windows aren't sealed very well, so they create a horrible draft. My bedroom feels no warmer than 55 degrees at any time during the day. It's like a meat locker at night. I woke up several times last night shivering, so I finally grabbed another comforter and put it on the bed. My heating bills have been pretty high this winter, and I only have an electric heater. Imagine if I was using gas? I'd be in the poor house!

I don't remember my dream from last night. I did when I originally woke up this morning, but I fell back asleep. I need to quit doing that, especially when it's after 7 am when I first wake up. I think part of it was waking up so much throughout the night (see above). So, I'll talk about something else this morning.

I've never been a sound sleeper, for as long as I can remember anyway. I don't know how I ever sleep deep enough to dream, so that's even crazier.

When I was a kid my Mom drove a Ford LTD. Remember, this was back before these silly seat belt laws and "child seats". I could sleep in a car like it was nothing. If it was just Mom and I, I would rest my head on her lap and sleep that way. If my Sister (or anyone else for that matter) was with us, I'd crawl into the floorboard of the back seat (where it had the big "hump" for the drive train) and I'd sleep with my belly on the "hump". I don't know what happened to those days, because I can't so much as close my eyes when I'm in a car, unless I'm absolutely exhausted, and even then it's tough to not be aware of my surrounding.

Maybe I've gotten paranoid in my "old" age? I'm not sure, but it's rolled over into my regular sleep too. It seems like I sleep with one eye open all the time, and I hear everything. Both of these things lead to not very restful sleep, nightly.

When I first moved down here my sleep was okay. However, downtown is pretty brightly lit at night, and there is a ton of noise, all the time. I've tried a couple of things, but to no avail. Like the little girl I am, I bought one of those sleep masks that you always see rich people wear on TV or in the movies. Mine was black satin! Ooh, so sexy!! Actually, my fiancee got it for me, and she hates it. She thinks I'm a big dork for wearing it, and believes I should wake up when nature tells me too.

Well, honey, when it always looks like it's daylight in your bedroom, that doesn't work. However, I've weaned my way off it. I haven't used it since back before Christmas, and I've slept pretty good.

Now, onto killing the sound. I bought some earplugs, but I was always worried I wouldn't hear my alarm clock, so I can't sleep with them in for very long, due to worrying about oversleeping. So, I brought those to work! (I'll discuss that later). I ended up buying a little cool mist humidifier (Yeah, like you need even more humidity down here in Memphis!). This nice little piece of equipment puts out a perfect little "purr" all night long, which drowns out all of the street noise, sans the garbage trucks destroying the bins they pick up. There's nothing that can soften the blow of the "WHAM! WHAM!" sounds those things make. Yes, they like doing it at 3 in the morning too, so that's always fun to wake up to.

So, I've partially solved my sleeping problems. I usually sleep a few hours nightly. Some nights it's a battle to get to sleep, no matter how tired I am. It seems that I'm absolutely worthless in the mornings, which is why I'm usually late to work, and can't get any "real" work accomplished until after 10 am (so I usually write this in the morning). However, my brain is cranking out the hits at 11 pm, every single day. If you were to call me and ask me for the cure to cancer or for peace in the middle east at that time, I could probably come up with a good solution. My brain just works that well at night, unless I'm drinking, then it works even better. Just ask my fiancee!!

I said I'd come back to the point about bringing my earplugs to work with me. There's a really good reason for that. The guy that's in the office next to mine (actually, we're a cube farm, but I like to think I have my own office. There's only one actual office on the floor and my boss's boss occupies it) has to be the loudest person on earth. Now, realize, I'm a pretty loud person myself, but I know how to tune down for certain things, especially in the office, where other people are trying to work also. Well, I don't believe he has the ability to realize this, like the rest of us on the floor. The sad thing is he's been "talked to" about it multiple times. Still no change. It really wouldn't be that bad, if he didn't use his speakerphone 99% of the time. You always feel like you have to talk a little bit louder when your talking to someone on speakerphone, so he's at a full bore yell.

It was so bad when we were on the 2nd floor (luckily he wasn't next to me then) that he was somewhat reprimanded over it. Let me explain the setup of the second floor first. The second floor was really only half of a floor. Part of the floor (where he was) overlooked our lobby, where the tellers and new account representatives take care of business. My office was across a little bridge tucked back in a corner. I'll talk about that crap-hole at a later date.

Anyway, he had a cube that wasn't right along the wall that overlooked the lobby. Truthfully, it was only a half-wall, and yes, if you screwed around, you could fall to your death in lobby of our bank. They've since put up a 3/4 wall that is made of sound proof glass, so it's still aesthetically pleasing to the eye.

Man, I'm getting off subject... Okay, so one day he's "yelling" at someone on speakerphone when his boss gets a call from the teller line (obviously this wasn't the first time his boss had received this call) telling him that the customers are all wondering what is going on and where the "shouting" is coming from. His boss has to actually take him into the conference room to have a "discussion" about the volume of his voice.

Let's just put it this way, the best days for me are the days where he's on vacation, he sick at home, or he's sick and can't talk. Those day's I actually have peace and quiet. I have a nice little speaker unit set up for my Ipod, and, in the old days on the second floor, I used to use it all the time. It was never loud enough to bother my neighbors, so it was cool. That does not work anymore, because he easily drowns out my speakers, and I don't want to turn it up so much that it bothers my co-worker who's on the other side of me. Instead, I've brought in my headphones, and I just listen to them all day. I hate sitting in my office with my headphones on when my boss walks up, but what choice do I have. It's gotten bad enough that my co-worker (2 spots down from him) has brought in his headphones too and wears them all day.

Such is life on the farm!

CRAPOLA! IT'S MONDAY MORNING, AGAIN...

It is officially the first day of spring, and, in Memphis, it is exactly like it supposed to be the first day of spring. RAINING! It started somewhere around 10 pm last night and, as far as I know, hasn't stopped since. It woke me up a couple of times last night, since I'm not that deep of a sleeper, and even crept into my dream.

Speaking of my dream, I don't really want to talk about it today, because I'm not sure what it really means, and I'm afraid if I discuss it, then it might hurt someone's feelings, and I don't want that to happen. However, if I don't get it out, then how will I ever deal with it? So, here goes...

My dream: I'm just hanging out ay my Mom's old house in Bowling Green when I get a call on my cell phone. I don't recognize the number (I can see numbers but they make no sense), but I answer it anyway. It's a voice I haven't heard in a very, very long time, but I recognize it immediately. She asks me, "What are you doing?" I tell her, "Just hanging out at Mom's, waiting to hear from Adrianne. What about you?"

"Well, I'm in town, and wanted to hang out with you for a little while." I think for a split second "How are you just 'in town' from Iowa?', but I let it pass and say "Okay, cool. Come on over."

We just hang out and talk for the better part of the day. Adrianne even comes over to meet her. Everything goes fine with that. Adrianne isn't a jealous person, so I think that's why it worked out the way it did. As night falls my guest asks if she can stay with Mom and I. I don't know why, but I say "Okay".

The house has now changed and there's only the two bedrooms and a bathroom, so that leaves one option. Yes, she's sleeping with me. I talk to Adrianne on the phone prior to going to sleep, like I do every night, and tell her that my guest is sleeping with me. Again, she acts cool with it.


I sleep in the nude, regardless of anything, as does she. The strange thing is, I can't see any of our body parts. Obviously I see her face, my arms, legs, and her arms and legs, but none of the "other" things that you'd look for when two people are naked together.

Nothing at all happens as we sleep together. We don't even discuss it. It was like the two of us, being adults, weren't natural hedonistic animals? She gets up and out of bed and clothed within seconds. Mainly, because she hears my Mom stirring around outside. She's across the room at the dresser, when my Mom comes through the door.

"We weren't doing anything!" She shouts. I'm still laying, naked, under a single, flat sheet, and it's known by everyone in the room.

My Mom says "I know, I'm just needing to get my address book out of the bottom drawer of the dresser." She reaches down and gets it and hands it to my Mom. My Mom leaves the room.

My guest then heads for the bathroom. I follow, with a white robe in tow. She gets in the shower first and I follow her. We're both almost fully clothed in the shower. She's wearing shorts and a dark t-shirt, and I'm wearing a pair of basketball shorts, with my sunglasses on top of my head.

The tub is getting dangerously close to overflowing, so we decide it's time to get out. Now, I'm kneeling down in the tub. I don't know why, but I throw something (I don't what it is though) out of the tub onto the bathroom floor and follow it by throwing my sunglasses right with it. The next thing that happens is I pull the piece of gray plastic out of my mouth. It was lodged over one of my front teeth in my gums. As soon as I remove it my mouth starts to bleed. I begin spitting the blood into the bathtub.

She's out of the tub, dried off and leaving, and I'm still kneeling in tub deep water, spitting up blood and reaching for my towel.

I wake up to the sound of the rain.

What it means? Well, this dream tormented me all morning. I had trouble going back to sleep after it was over. I didn't want to take the chance of going back into it, and seeing what happened. At the same time, though, I wanted to sleep again, so maybe I could have another dream and forget about this one. I had another dream, but it still didn't push this one out of my head.

I'll start by telling who "my guest" is. Some reading may already know. It is the first person I ever asked to marry me. To say our relationship was tumultuous would be putting it nicely. We had our ups and downs, just like everyone, but our ending was very sad, and unfortunately it still haunts me. She left me, emotionally, long before I finally, physically, left her. I was dead inside for a long time following that. However, I'm not the person now that I was then, and we all know who that is due to! I guess the old saying "What does not kill you only makes you stronger!" may actually be right.

Crap, I've gotten way off course here. The dream. Yes, the dream. I have a feeling I know why she's in it. As anyone who's been reading this knows, I've been packing for my big move this week. While packing things up I found a bunch of old pictures. Mostly just pictures from college, but there were some of she and I. I don't know why I haven't thrown them away, but I haven't.

I think the fact that Adrianne is "okay" with me hanging out with her in my dream is letting me know that she's "okay" with my past, and I'm ready to move on to bigger and better things! I also think that me not being able to see body parts and not "doing" anything is a sign that I'm over that part of my past. Actually, I feel like I have been for years now, but maybe my subconscious is just now catching up? It just had ADD and couldn't focus on that, I guess?

The address book I find somewhat interesting also. I think it signifies me letting everyone know what I think. I know, so now the world knows, right?

Next thing... The overflowing bathtub. I decided to look up what the bathtub could stand for, and this is what I got...
Bathtubs: To see or be in a bathtub in your dream, suggests a need for self-renewal and escape from everyday problems. You need to rid yourself of the burdens that you have been carrying. Alternatively, it indicates your mood for love and pursuit of pleasure and relaxation.

Hmm... too many "escape from everyday problems" mentions in my dreams lately. Maybe I need to take a little day trip sometime soon and get away? Maybe I'm just tired of being at work all the time, since it seems like that's all I've done recently. I think I'm just anxious to see my honey. It's been a couple of weeks and I really miss her. It's been a while since we've gone a couple weekends without seeing each other, so maybe it's catching up with me?

The last thing that I see as significant is the blood loss I'm experiencing. Obviously when you're bleeding you're usually injured, but it can also mean getting the bad things out of you. In this case, two things happen simultaneously. My "guest" leaves while I'm bleeding. That can't be a coincidence, right? Two "signs" of purifying myself? I looked it up after thinking about it for my self, and here's what the dictionary said...
Blood: To see blood in your dream, represents life, love, and passion as well as disappointments. To dream that you are bleeding or losing blood, signifies that you are suffering from exhaustion or that you are feeling emotionally drained. It may also denote bitter confrontations between you and your friends. Your past actions has come back to haunt you.
Well, all of that could actually make sense, except the last part. I was absolutely exhausted last night. I did nothing but pack boxes on both Saturday and Sunday. I didn't get much rest and knew I had to come into work today. I can't think of any bitter confrontations between my friends and I, so we'll wait to see about that one.

So, my dream wasn't one that I wanted to have, but I think it's got a good meaning, after really thinking about it. I think it kind of sums up like this: I've come to a very good part of my life where I can really let the past be the past and not dwell on it anymore. I have what I want in my life (the person) and she accepts me for who I am. I'm a better person now, because of the people I have in my life.

Song of the day: "The Blister Exists" by Slipknot (who else?) from Vol 3: The Subliminal Verses

Before I could even listen to this song I got another in my head, and it was because of how the dream was ringing in my head. However, I do remember waking with the chorus of this song rattling in my cerebral cortex.
Yeah, like I really wanted to remember that dream! Damn you Slipknot!! Damn you!!

Okay, so I'm taking a shower this morning and the stupid dream is there, bright as day (possibly because I'm in the shower?), and the only thing I can think of is...

TRANSITIONAL SESSION...

Well, I wasn't really planning on making any entries this weekend, but I needed a little break from the monotony of packing for next week. I've actually done a pretty good job thus far. I'm not going to go into it though, because it's just too boring!

Anyway, I did wake up with a song in my head...

Song of the Day: "My Plague" by Slipknot from Iowa (and the Resident Evil Official Soundtrack)

It's just another one of of those "Get your lazy ass outta bed" songs. My mind knew I had stuff to do and didn't need to be sleeping in all day, so I was up at 10 am, which leads me to my next point.

I did something that I haven't done in a long time yesterday. I went all day with out taking a shower. Yucko! I know, you're probably wondering "I understand you celebrated your Irish heritage on Friday, but I didn't know you were French too?" Well, it just so happened that I was packing and cleaning all day, so I didn't want to take a shower, just to get really grimy again. The last thing I did last night was clean my bathroom, and the floor was still wet from mopping when I went to bed last night. So, there you have it! As the girls that Adrianne babysits always say "Johnnie, you're a stinky boy!" Well, girls, you were right yesterday!

I took a shower first thing this morning, as well as shaved too. So, I'm clean and my face is baby butt smooth! Well, maybe not?

Oh, I almost forgot something else that I did yesterday, that I almost never do. I made the bed! Whoo Hooo!! I know that's super exciting, but my fiancee will be ecstatic that I actually know how to do it. I even put the pretty pillows on there! I have a picture of it, but didn't transfer it to my computer, so maybe later!

Since I've proven that I can clean and make my bed, does that mean that I am now less of a man, or more in touch with my feminine side? I think I'm the one that will make my fiancee happy one day, because she won't be the one that'll always have to do the household chores. Did I mention I cook too? Didn't I mention something about "jack of all trades" before? Yep, still working on it! I'm such a little girl!

JUST GOTTA GET THIS OUT THERE!

From March 16th, 2006, 11 pm...

I've always been told to never go to bed mad. Well, I'm really, really tired, but, I'm far more pissed off than I am tired. The reason behind all of this anger is my father. How is it that the people you're supposed to love the most are the ones that can make you the absolute most insane?

I guess I'd bette give up some background info before I can get into why I'm mad...

My parents divorced when I was just a little squirt. As a matter of fact, I don't have too many memories of when my parents were married, but, then again, alcohol kills brain cells, so I probably lost those memories in the bottom of a bottle of Crown Royal a while back. Anyway, my sister and I have lived with my Mom since the divorce. Things were really rough on us after the divorce. My Mom had a good job, but it barely paid the bills. We lived in a shitty apartment in Ocean Springs, Mississippi for a while, until she met my future step-father. All of this time, while we scraped by, my father lived across the bridge in Biloxi. He lived the high life. Dated any hoochie he could find, partied like he was 19 again, etc. I didn't find out until much, much later that he never paid child support for us, like he was supposed to, but my Mom never complained about it (that we know of anyway).

About the same time my Mom remarried my Dad moved to West Palm Beach, Florida. He was an air traffic controller at the time, and Palm Beach International was one of the busiest airports on the east coast. I assume he was paid accordingly. I'll never know though.

My sister and I would usually go down and visit during the summer time and we never had a bad time, that I can think of, but Dad wasn't really around that much then while we were there. It was usually just she and I left to our own devices. Dangerous stuff! Good thing he always lived where there was a pool.

When I was in middle school and the first part of high school, my Dad was "away". We rarely spoke with him, and it pretty much became the norm not to have any contact. We he finally came back to the real world it was like nothing had changed. He never went out of his way for us, unless there was something in it for him. He's the same way with his mother, my Grandma. She's convenient for him when he wants something from her. That's about it, and that's the nicest way I can put it.

Anyway, I can't remember him having a ton of full-time jobs since then. It seems like he's always on one of the "get rich quick" deals. First it was that stupid "Excel" phone service. He even tried to get my Mom to "sign up". I mean, come on!! He's bounced in and out of those type of things for the better part of my adult life, and always tries to get my sister and I involved somehow (usually purchasing something).

I guess you could just call him a wandering spirit? It seems like his soul is never at rest, and I don't really know what makes him tick. I've never had enough contact with him to figure it out either. I'm good at understanding a person after only a little bit of time with them, but he's something else. Some would call him a sheister (I hope that's spelled correctly). I have a lot of him in me, but I do my best not to use it against people, like he does. However, I could sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman in a white dress. Let me tell you how.... (kidding)

Anyway, I've gotten way off of track... Let me start with late last week, or early this one (I can't remember, because things have kind of been a blur for the last couple weeks). My Grandma has had some chronic back problems, involving multiple surgeries over the past few years. Anyhow, he fell early in the week and thought she had done something to her hip. Well, her back got messed up too, and they needed to do a surgery on her. My sister called me and broke it down for me. I was supposed to call Grandma and check on her and everything, but didn't. I admit I'm a bad person. At least I can do that. I, too often, forget to do things I'm supposed to do, or get doing other things and never get around to doing what I'm supposed to do. Also, I have ADHD, so my mind can't stay fixed on one thing, which should be obvious by my entries on this silly thing.

Where was I? Oh yeah, Grandma had to have surgery and my Sis called me to let me know. She tells me that Dad had already found out about everything and was supposed to call both of us and let us know what was going on. Well, it just so happened that my Sis called Grandma, otherwise we would've never know anything happened, since we didn't hear from "you know who".

All of this brings us around to tonight...

I got home around 5:30 and immediately started doing some packing. Yes, I'm actually doing it! Anyway, I get a phone call around 7 ish and I see "DAD" on my caller ID. "Ohh!! What do I owe this grand event to?" I wonder. I'm thinking that he was calling me about some issue with getting his tux for my wedding or something. Boy I was wrong!

He starts off the conversation with "What are you doing?" I just tell him that I'm cleaning things up trying to get ready to start packing. He tells me to stop whatever I'm doing, because I'm going to get an "ass chewing". Frankly I thought he was joking. This time he wasn't.

He rips into me, "Do you really think you're too busy to call your Grandma?" I start to explain, but immediately get cutoff, "No, there's no excuses. I know you're busy with your Bank stuff, but you need to make time".

Okay, I'm starting to get a little pissed. I'm a 30 year old man, and I have someone talking to me like I'm 3 years old? Fuck that! I bite my lip.

He continues, "I don't care how busy you think you are..."

I start to tune out, but decide I'll just hear him out on this one. Hell, I might even deserve it, if, big "if", he goes in the right direction with this conversation. Well, he didn't. This is a man that my Grandma begged to come up to be with her before this surgery, and even offered to pay for his flights, but he "couldn't make it", yet could up and go to Las Vegas in February for the fun of it?

Well, guess who were the first and only people that were by her side last time she had surgery? Yep, me and sis. We took off work and got our asses there within a day's notice. And this guy has the nerve to tell me "to make time"? Again... Fuck that!

I'm polite. I just take my tongue lashing. It's the first time I've talked to my Dad since his birthday in November, so why make it worse, right? Well...

We get off that subject and start to talk about the wedding. He tells me that he doesn't know when they (he and my step-mother) are going to be up. I say "Well, you'd better be up here by Friday afternoon at the latest". He replies, "Well, there are some things going on down here, that, if you'd take the time to pick up the phone and call..."

"Whoa! Hold on there. The fucking phone works both ways buddy!" I had already had enough of that mess already. I wasn't going to let him get away with anymore of it. He responds "Well, you're right. But, if I recall, I called you last time..." I think to myself "Wrong, I called you on your birthday, but I won't bring that up".

"As a matter of fact the last time I've talked to either you or your sister was when I called. She hasn't tried to call me and I'm not going to call her until she calls me..."

I cut him off, "That's the most fucking asinine thing I've ever hear. That's a 4th graders answer to this. If you need to talk to her about something, call her. Don't hold that 'you haven't called me' shit against her! That's total bullshit!"

I didn't say it, but I wanted to, "We've always gone out of our way to talk to you and be a part of your life, but where have you been? You take time out for us when it's convenient for you. You drive up near where both of us live, yet don't have the common courtesy to tell us or even stop by? Hell, both of us would drive 5 hours out of our way for the chance to be with you and see you. We've both done it before, and are suckers enough to do it again. What have you done that fucking gives you the right to chastise either one of us?" As my Sis told me a little while back "You haven't been a father for 30 years, so now you're going to try to talk to me like you're one?"

This is my biggest problem, and I've had it end too many good relationships in my life. That problem is that I bottle everything up and then explode at the worst possible time. I've done it to friends and girlfriends. I have a temper, but you have to really pull it out of me. However, once you get it, it's not going to go away for a while.

Luckily, I have one of the most sensible people in the world on my speed dial. That would be my sister. It doesn't hurt that she's wrapped up in the middle of this too, and has felt the wrath of his verbal bludgeoning. She was in my skin a couple of months ago, so she knew how I felt. Someone talking to her let a lot of the pressure out. Thanks Sis! I love you!! (I know you're reading this!)

I didn't tell Adrianne about this tonight. It seemed like she was having a good evening, and I didn't to ruin it or have her worrying about me when she needed to go to bed. So, I came here. A tense bundle of nerves right at the base of my skull is subsiding. However, I'm still mad. I'm just not as mad as I was when I started typing. That's a good thing! Maybe I can go to sleep now and have pleasant dreams?

Tomorrow is Friday, and this Friday just happens to be one of my favorite holidays. Yes, St. Patricks Day!! It's the one day where I really try to celebrate my fragment of Irish heritage. Namely drinking myself into oblivion!! Yaaay!!! I love me some Saint Paddy's!!

Oh yeah, fuck green beer!! It's shitty! I'm crushing some Murphy's Irish Stout or G-nice! I may even have a Young's double chocolate Stout!! Yummy! Yummy!

(oh yeah, sorry for all of the F-bombs this time around. If you couldn't tell I was just a little worked up, and when I get that way I cuss, A LOT!)

OH! HAPPY, HAPPY DAY! ALMOST!

Oh man! My boss is out of the office today, so I took the liberty of sleeping in a little bit (like a whole 20 minutes), so I was a little late to work again. Oh well, I'm sure I'll be here until 6 pm tonight anyway, so that won't really matter, will it?

I remember some of my dream from last night, but it was pretty stupid. I also woke up 3 different times this morning with songs in my head, but I can only remember two of them. I can't remember the first one for some reason.

First song of the day: "1999" by Prince from 1999

Don't even ask. Really, has this song even had a point since the turn of the millineum? I can't say that I've even heard it since January 1, 2000 at 12:01 am. Fun song though. I'm still shaking my head that it actually popped up in my head.

Second song of the day: "Killing in the Name of" by Rage Against the Machine from their Selt-Titled album

I know for a fact why this one is in there. Last night before I hit the hay I made one last post on Hilltopper Haven, directed at a couple of people who are acting like sheep. I guess I was still thinking about it when I woke up this morning. Personally, I feel that people should at least attempt to think for themselves and not just do what they're always told to. In my job, I have to abide by certain rules, which is understandable, so I go the complete opposite in my private life. I enjoy straying from the norm and experiencing the mysterious and even taboo. I always liked the saying "What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger". That can be very true.

My dream: Unfortunately I only remember bits and pieces. It was a not so great night of sleep. I woke up a ton of times, for no real reason. Anyway, you don't want to hear about my inability to sleep, do you?

I think I was away on work someplace and I asked one of the people at the office where a good sports bar is, that also had pretty good food (this is common in real life too). They told me, and "POOF" I was there. I wish that happened in real life! So, I'm sitting at this high-top table eyeballing the menu. I couldn't read anything that was on it, so when the server came around to ask what I wanted I didn't have an answer. Well, after that, he never came back around. That pissed me off just a little bit, because I at least needed a beer. Man can't live on smoke filled oxygen alone, right?

I soon realize that people keep turning around and snickering at me. I just kind of shrug it off, until I figure out why they are doing it. I look down, and no longer am I in my business suit, but I'm wearing a black shirt with "WESTERN" printed across the front. Once I see this, and they notice that I see this, they begin to openly laugh. The snickers (not the candy bar) have turned into full-fledged laughter. Errrrr...

I just try to disregard them all and start looking around the place to see what's there. I look over my left should and see that the bar area (where I am) and the restaurant are separated by not even a half of a wall. What a classy joint!

So, I turn back to check out the menu again, but this time there is the stupid, green chinese latern type thing hanging down in my face, making it impossible to read the menu, again! Dammit!! I just want something to eat! Just then, a server walks up and says "If you want food, you'll have to go over there" pointing toward the restaurant, which was less than a foot away from my current location. I wake up.

What it means? What a dumb, dumb dream!! I think I woke up out of it because it was slowly making me more of an idiot than I already am.

Now, since the dream starts the same the same way that my trips out of town usually start, I don't think too much about it. Bars are just a place where people meet and relax, so it probably just signifies my need to get away from my daily stresses and be with friends.

Then we have my inability to read what's in front of me. I had to have a little help on that one. Again, I went to the dictionary for help:
Reading: To dream that you are reading, signifies that you need to obtain more information or knowledge before making a decision. You should review your thoughts, think things through and consider other options.To dream that you or someone is reading incoherently, signifies worries and disappointments.

I think both thoughts could play here. It always seems that I'm on a quest for knowledge of things I know nothing about. I always try to be a "jack of all trades" and "master of none". In other words, I do my best to be well-rounded. On the other side of the coin, I'm not liking the signifying worries and disappointments part. I could be worrying about my move next weekend, since I've done little to prepare for it, and I'm worried about disappointing my fiancee by not being prepared enough for her.

Next... I know what the black "Western" shirt was all about, right away. It's pretty simple, actually. WKU's men's basketball season ended last night. I'm mourning the end of the season. Now, why would people be laughing at me because of it? Do I feel humiliated that we lost or things didn't end the way I wanted them? Could be, but I don't really know. I just know that I'm sad this season is over. I want WKU basketball season to last 365 days a year, but that's just me.

I think the next thing of significance is the fact that they wouldn't let me have food where I was. It might mean that I'm trying to overcome some things in my life that are holding me back and it's just not as hard as I really think it is (i.e. only a half of a wall). That's the best I can come up with.

The last thing of importance was the lamp hanging in my face. I think it's just a realization of obstacles in my life, much like the wall, that I've got to figure out a way of overcoming.

Okay, so it was a stupid dream, but here's what I'm gathering from it... I need to relax, because I'm stressed over moving. I should probably just ask my friends to help out, that way we can spend some time together, and complete a mission (obstacle) that I need to get past.

There you have it! Another successful release of my subconscious! Now if I could only release some of the fat out of my belly! I wish that was as easy as typing what I think!

JUST DO IT!! NOT LIKE NIKE THOUGH! THOSE INDONESIAN KIDS DESERVE MORE MONEY!

I'm bored, but I have things to do, so instead of doing them, I'm going to talk about doing them.

I'm preparing to move for the 3rd time since I came to Memphis from Owensboro. Now, understand, it's all within the same building, but it's still packing up a ton of shit and hauling it someplace else. I've basically been away from home since I was 18. Yes, I came home during the summer while I was in college, but my stuff never left a cardboard box that whole time. In those years I've amassed a lot, and I do mean A LOT, of stuff. I've gotten rid of a bunch of things (that I wish I hadn't) and I've collected even more stuff. No longer can I just plan on storing things at Mom's. Everything I have is here with me now, so I have to plan accordingly.

When I moved down here in May of 2004 the only option I had within the building in which I wanted to live was a 2 bedroom on the 9th floor. It had a wonderful view looking northwest. The rent was okay for the first 6 months being decreased, due to a move in deal they had. However, when the 7th month came around the rent jumped significantly. I stuck it out until the 11th month, but decided that I needed to get my rent down quite a bit. The only option was to find a 2 bedroom even lower down in the building, or moving to a 1 bedroom. I pondered it for a while, but my decision was pretty much made up for me. The only apartment in the building was a one bedroom on the 15th floor (top shelf baby). I had grown used to having an extra bedroom, just to store my shit, so shrinking my space wasn't that wonderful of an idea.

One positive of the one bedroom is that is had a walk in closet. However, that was it. There wasn't a whole lot of space elsewhere. Well, I moved anyway. It saved me nearly $400 a month, so I could suck it up until next May, right? The view was pretty nice all the way up there too!

Well, December rolled around, and I really wanted my fiancee to come stay with me for most of the month, however, there wasn't anyplace to put her. She's visited for weekends and, at most, a week prior to that. However, you bring a lot more stuff with you when you're staying a month, as opposed to 5 or 7 days. It was decided shortly after she brought her 3 pieces of luggage inside that things were gonna have to change.
Warning: FATE steps in AGAIN!

It just so happens that I ran into a couple, who live in my building, that I had met and hung out with a few times. We get to chatting about me wanting to move to a 2 bedroom someplace, and it just so happens that they just purchased a condo (elsewhere in Downtown) but can't move out until their lease is up, which wasn't until April. So, we discuss it a little bit, and I go downstairs to see their apartment. First, it was on the 5th floor, which scared me. A friend of mine lived on the 5th floor when I moved here, and his apartment absolutely sucked! He had very few windows, and the place just seemed all cramped up.

I went to see their place, still fully furnished, and absolutely fell in love, immediately. It had a complete different floor plan than my other 2 bedroom apartment, 2 walk-in closets, a bigger master suite, and a laundry room which was separate from the 2nd bathroom. Yes, some of that stuff seems piddly, but it was exactly what I was wanting.

I immediately called my fiancee and told her to come down to the 5th floor. I forgot to tell her why though. She thought something bad had happened. As soon as she made it in the doorway I told her "I think you're going to love this". We walked around the apartment and everything fell into place.

All we had to do was talk to the management of the building make some deal, so the old tenants could move out early. Well, it all worked out. They got to move into their condo at the end of February and I'll be moving next Friday.

Yes, I should be bouncing around this place packing, but I'm just not up to it yet. I've got shit laying around everywhere. I've been, plain and simple, really lazy lately. I have a little bit of an excuse though. I have been away from Memphis every weekend since January, up until this last weekend. I work Monday through Friday from 8 (ish) am to sometime after 5 pm. I try to work out at least 3 times a week also. Frankly, I'm tired when I get home from work, and I haven't even started to think about making some dinner for myself.

I'm sure anyone reading this is saying "Oh you poor baby!! Try having a couple kids, then we can talk!" I do, truly, understand that. I guess I'm just being a little bitch. However, time is running out, and I've gotta stop being a lazy ass. I've got one box packed, and several more in a closet that I never unpacked, ready to go. I'm trying to figure out how I want to do it this time. Last time I had 3 days to move. I think I'm going to try to do it Friday night and part of Saturday. I have to do some cleaning in the meantime too.

When I moved last time, I moved room by room, in an orderly manner. I started with the kitchen, and worked my way to the bedroom. Everything fell into place, even though I didn't enough places for all of my stuff. Did I mention I did all of this moving by myself? Well, except for my TV (53 inches of HD badass-ness), my couches, and my bed. I begged a buddy at work to help me move these one night, and I repaid him with dinner and a couple of beers. (Isn't that how everyone should be paid?)

Luckily for me, this time I'll have one of the most ingenious minds on earth helping me. That would be my fiancee. Her spring break (at the school where she is substitute teaching) starts next week and she'll down on Thursday night. She's already warned me that things better be packed and ready to go when she gets here, and we all know that you don't disappoint "THE WOMAN"!

Anyway, I guess I should start thinking about going to bed now. I've got a full day of work tomorrow, then I'm planning on coming home, working out, making some dinner, and start packing... again.

THE GREATEST DAY EVER KNOWN TO MAN! WELL, THIS MAN ANYWAY!

Not a whole lot happening this morning. I can't remember my dream from last night again, so I'm little disappointed about that. I did wake up with a different song in my head though. That's one positive. I'll start with that and maybe I'll hit up some other subjects.

Song of the day: Cold (But I'm Still Here) by Evans Blue from "The Melody and the Energetic Nature of Volume"

I've only heard this song probably 4 times total. The first couple times were when I was in Houston back in September. The album just came out last month, and since I don't listen to the radio, I hadn't heard it in a while. So, I downloaded the album, and had yet to listen to it. The only part of the song that I know is the chorus:
Man, I really like this song, and now that I've listened to the entire album, I like it even more. It's pretty good. It's more along the likes of Trapt and TRUSTCompany, than anything else. It's nothing close to the stuff I've been listening to lately. The lead singer's voice reminds me of Our Lady Peace (from their first album). There's nothing super special about the album, just well written lyrics and well played instruments. Sometimes it's the subtle things that are more impressive than the crazy and outlandish things that some bands put on their albums.

Since I can't remember my dream today, I thought I'd discuss a little bit about FATE, and how/why I fell in love with my fiancee. I like to start the story with "Yeah, I picked her up at a bar". This is partially true, but not exactly "like that".

She worked, for a very, very short time, at a bar that a friend and I frequented consistently. We knew several of the bar-wenches (yes, we used that term, but in a funny sense, some of them we called bar-skanks), but I'd never seen her there before this one night.

I know it was during the summer, and I think it was a weekend. We were sitting inside, even though the bar had a nice patio outside, and it was a beautiful night out there. I think a crappy band was playing outside and were really, really loud. My buddy and I have a tendency to like to talk about things, and that's none to easy when you have to scream at the top of your lungs to get your point across. Anyway, we're sitting back in the corner, closest to "Big Buck Hunter" as we could get. She was taking care of us for the evening, and we were just drinking beer, so her job wasn't all that hard. She could've just dropped our stuff off and jetted, but she usually lingered and talked with us, which is always nice. When two ugly dudes like us can have something as pretty as she is talking to us, it just makes your day.

When she'd leave our company to help someone else, I'd say to my buddy "Man, I need to ask her out". Well, I'm a big ol' puss, because I didn't do it, and left the place kicking myself (yes, I have long legs). I was just never one of those guys that tried to pick up some scattered ass at the bar. I know, I just had my "man" pass revoked!

Anyway, I just kept talking about her and we kept going back to the bar, but she was never there. I even found out what her name was and everytime we went back I asked if she was working. No luck! I became discouraged, thinking I'd missed my golden opportunity.

It had been at least 2 weeks and no sightings of her. I had pretty much given up all hope when we walked in the joint on a random Saturday night, and guess who was running around taking orders? YES!!! Tonight I'm going to talk to her and ask her out!

FATE has worked in my favor again. We intentionally sit where she's working, just so we can talk to her. We come to find out that she hadn't worked since that one night, and was only working tonight because one of the other girls called and begged her to. And, all this time I thought I was unlucky?

The night goes on, as well as some partaking of alcoholic beverages (I believe I was drinking Crown and Coke), and I finally start up a real conversation with her. I ask her "How would you like to go to a toga party with me? It's going to be crazy and August Christopher is going to be playing!" She looked pretty excited about me asking and said (to the best of my recollection, remember I was slightly intoxicated) "Sounds great!"

We exchanged phone numbers (actually I gave her my business card) and my buddy and I left shortly thereafter. I know the rule is your not supposed to call until the third day, but I could barely contain my excitement. I called her the Monday evening after I got off of work.

Voicemail! Damn! Umm... Don't sound like an idiot! Okay, thoughts are together...

"Hey, this is John, we talked the other night at the Boiler Room... about going to Dr. Jack's toga party. Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to get together and get some dinner and maybe go try to find some material for our togas? Okay, my number is ... Give me a call if you get a chance! Bye!"

Crap! Did I sound like a complete douche or was that okay? Man I hope she calls me back!

Well, around 9:30 she does. Come to find out, she was taking some classes over in Evansville and was there when I called. She was on her way back while we were talking.

I can't remember if this was the exact night or not, but I think Dave and I were back at the Boiler Room, hanging out on the patio. I think it was Tara's birthday, so I asked her if she wanted to swing by and hang out for a few. Lucky for me, she did. We talked quite a bit that night, and I lost the moniker of "that" guy trying to pick her up at a bar. We set up our first "real" date that night.

Now, onto our first date (it was the next day)... I went and picked her up at her place. She was living with her brother's girlfriend at the time, and they were all there hanging out. I think they were just there to check me out though and see if I was "alright". I guess I was. The first thing we did was go to a fabric store and find some cool looking stuff for our togas. I had printed out what we needed off the internet, but it looked like way too much, so we got half of what it said. Ohh, bad idea!! At least for me anyway. I'm relatively tall, at 6'2, and could've used a little more fabric, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, we leave the fabric store and head down to my favorite Mexican restaurant on the riverfront in Owensboro. It's a beautiful evening, so we sit on the patio. We chat about this, that, and everything. She orders what becomes the "usual" for her at any Mexican restaurant. One chicken enchilada. That's it. I just thought she was being polite and didn't want to eat a lot in front of me?

Here's where the date goes absolutely right... for once... (how many times can anyone actually say that, and not get some booty that night? No, I didn't get some booty that night!)

Some college buddies of mine are there with their wives and kids. I chat with them a little as they're leaving. They stroll over to the boat ramp (across the street) and decide to shoot off the rest of the fireworks they had left over from July 4th. Now, I know this is really, really cheesy, but it was the first time either one of us had seen fireworks on our first date. What a perfect setting! A beautiful sunset, fireworks, and a beautiful lady with me! If I had died that exact second, I know I would've died happy!

I still think about that day, and it holds a very special place in my heart. At the time, little did I know that one day could mean so much. See, I'm really just a big sissy inside!

EVIL? WELL IT NEEDED TO BE SAID!

Well, I had something happen last night that usually doesn't happen to me. I couldn't remember any of my dreams. I don't know if I actually even had any. I watched the women's NCAA tournament selection show and then went out for a few beers with a couple of friends. I ended up having 2 more than I probably needed, so that's probably the reason I couldn't recall my dreams.

Song of the day: "Vermilion: Part 2" by Slipknot, from Vol 3: The Subliminal Verses

Also, my song of the day isn't necessarily what it was supposed to be. It was actually cheated in, so I almost don't count it. The reason I say that is because I woke up a little earlier than I had planned and called my fiancée. I was half out of it and she could tell so the conversation was short. However, half an hour later she called me back to talk about something else. Here's where the song comes into play. I have mp3's set up as my ringtones for specific people, and she, of course, has her very own, which has a meaning to me.

"She is everything to me,
The unrequited dream,
A song that no one sings,
The unattainable.
She's a myth that I have to believe in,
All I need to make it real is one more reason.

I don't know what to do,
I don't know what to do when she makes me sad."

That's the part of the song I have for her. So, technically, there's not a whole lot to the song of the day.

Now, onto a topic that has really had me torn up these last couple of days. Basketball.

I try not to let my emotions about a silly game get the best of me, but when I see injustice I must speak up. Of course, I'm talking about in relation to Western Kentucky University's men's and women's programs.

First of all, I have ZERO problem with the men not making the NCAA tournament. Yes, they had some good wins, and a couple of bad losses, but, being in the Sun Belt, you can't expect to be in the "Big Dance" unless you win the conference tournament. Winning the regular season conference title means absolutely nothing. Winning 23 game means nothing. That's the way it is. I don't like it, because they are supposed to have the 65 best teams in the nation playing in the big one, but I'll live with it.

However, there is a "runner-up" tournament, if you want to call it that. It's called the National Invitational Tournament. There is no prestige in playing in this tournament. No glamour. No glitz. It is what it is, and that's basically a glorified exhibition. Prior to the NCAA's purchase of this tournament, it gave the little guys an opportunity to prove they deserved to be in the big dance, if they could make a little noise in the NIT.

However, now, that has even been stripped away. The NCAA has allowed the NIT to accept teams with losing records, but has also decided that they will automatically take any team that won their regular season conference championship and not the conference tournament. That actually doesn't sound bad, does it? Well, it's not all it's cracked up to be.

Many Western fans believed that, since we weren't going to be in the NCAA and had a good record, we would be given at least a home game or two to showcase our team, and probably a nice, low seed (1-4) with the potential to play well and advance to Madison Square Garden for the important part of the tournament. (the first couple rounds are played at the school's home courts, if seeded high enough)

Well, that too was taken from us. Instead of a seed where we might get a home game or two, we end up seeded 6th (out of 10 possible. Which means we were one seed away from playing the "opening round" AKA "play-in game") and playing on the road against South Carolina (whom made a run all the way to the SEC championship game and has been playing really well lately, not to mention they are the defending NIT champs). The thing that makes this so absurd is that WKU has the 2nd best record in the entire tournament. Only Hofstra has a better overall record at 24-6, and they were seeded a 3.

The #1 seeds for the tournament are Maryland (18-10), Michigan (18-10), Louisville (18-12), and Cincinnati (19-12). Do you see anything that sticks out there? Yes, they are all from the Big 6 conferences, who seem to always get the preferential treatment. To be exact, 13 of the top 20 seeds come from B6 conferences. Four of which barely having winning records. The average seed for the B6 teams is 4 (rounded down from 4.2), whereas, for the little guys, it's 7 (rounded up from 6.67). Any team seeded 5th or worse (exluding the opening round games) will not have a home game. The B6 take up 11 of the 16 1-4 seeds, thus giving them nearly 70% of the home games, and a “slight” advantage to get to the Big Apple.

What absolutely dwarfs all of the above is what is beating me up inside right now. Yes, I'm upset about the men getting a 6 seed in the NIT. I thought we'd get a little more respect than that, but shit happens.

However, I still had the Lady Toppers to fall back on, right? With a record of 24-6, and wins over 3 tournament teams (and losses to 2 others), we all felt like the Lady Toppers were a "lock" for the NCAA tournament. The only question that remained was how bad of a seed would we get, since we didn't win the conference tournament championship (MTSU won it on their home court), but won the regular season championship by at least 2 games. All of the bracket projectors had us at a 10 seed, as the worst case scenario.

The girls had worked hard all season, had played a tough out of conference schedule (like the NCAA supposedly wanted, but you have to understand that being in the position WKU is, we cannot schedule Tennessee, UConn, Duke, North Carolina, etc. It just won't and can't happen), and did everything, sans winning the conference tournament, that they need to do in order to dance with the "big boys".

I went to the basement to workout at 5:45. I intentionally turned on ESPN in order to watch the women's selection show. I saw the first 2 full brackets announced before I headed back upstairs. I completely missed the 3rd bracket, so I didn't know who was in it. Then I heard them announce the final bracket. I had yet to hear Western Kentucky, so I just though they were in that 3rd bracket that I didn't see. I quickly went over to my laptop to check the internet, and to my astonishment, they were not anywhere in the bracket.

At first I was just surprised, then I became infuriated. There is no logical reason anyone can give for snubbing this team. None! Yet, the selection committee chair said we didn't play a tough enough schedule. Umm, tramp, see above, and compare that with the Mighty Golden Bears of Cal-Berkley, whom you actually let in, with a 10 seed.

I feel absolutely horrible for our girls. They worked so hard, played so well, and they get this for their hard work? 26 wins? 4 losses against tourney teams, at Arizona State (4 seed) , at Vanderbilt (8 seed), and 2 to MTSU (both at their place)? One bad loss, at UAB, by 5, and they leave us out?

Something just reeks about this whole thing. I know what it is too...

MONEY! GREENBACKS! DINERO! JACKOLA! COIN!

Whatever you call it, that's what the NCAA is about. They do not care about 2/3rds of their member institutions and it has been made abundantly clear by this year's NCAA tournament (both men's and women's), and the seeding process in the NIT. They are predominantly worried about taking care of the 73 member institutions of the Big 6 conferences (ACC, SEC, Big East, Big 10, Big 12, and PAC 10).

These teams are their cash cows, because that's the way the media has made them out. You can't turn on ESPN or CBS (the main carriers of college basketball) without being bombarded with the teams from these conferences. As a matter of fact, the only non B6 game shown this season by CBS was the Conference USA championship. ESPN actually makes a little effort to throws some crumbs to the "little guys" just so they can say they're providing equal opportunity.

One day sticks out in my mind this season that fully demonstrates this. That day was March 4th. On a day when multiple smaller conference tournaments were in their quarterfinals or semifinals, ESPN decides to dedicate 3 channels (ESPN, ESPN2, and ESPNU) and their online channel (ESPN360) to the coverage of one single game. That game was North Carolina at Duke, in a regular season matchup.

Yes, I understand this is one of the biggest rivalries in all of sports, but really? Every single channel? Do we really need to see the game from on top of the backboard? Hell, I won't even play March Madness, the video game, from that camera angle! I certainly know I don't want to watch from the Cameron Crazy cam!

Do the little guys not deserve to at least be seen during this time of year? The games they were playing actually meant life or death (metaphorically speaking of course) to those teams. They were playing for the honor of getting to play on the grandest of stages. UNC and Duke were playing for bragging rights.

Duke had every single one of their games nationally televised this season. That means they had nearly 30 opportunities to have people watch them. Teams like Delaware, Georgia State, Virginia Commonwealth, Butler, UW-Green Bay, Illinois-Chicago, Siena, Canisius, Marist, Appalachian State, and Elon get ONE shot. ONE! Yet, ESPN couldn't have the common courtesy to provide that opportunity. Believe me, the kids at those schools live for the chance to be seen on ESPN, hell, even ESPNU, and the rest of their student body does too.

You might as well not worry about it though, because it's not going to change anytime soon, so just go back into the lull you're in and relax, because you'll get to hear Big 6 hypists Vitale, Packer, and the like from here to eternity. Unless, of course, there is a revolt.

Like I said before, there are only 73 teams in the B6 conferences. That leaves 230 something teams in the other 25 conferences. I've always thought of this country being a democracy. Where the little guy could have a say in what goes on. I always thought that the masses were supposed to rule (via the election process). I guess I'm wrong. The few do not represent the masses. They represent themselves. Period.

There must be something done to change that. Someone must make a stand, for all of the little guys out there that have been trampled underfoot by the proverbial "Elephant" that the NCAA and media outlets have created in the form of the Big 6 conferences. In football they call it the BCS. For the most part, only the teams from the B6 conferences are invited to share in the loot (and we’re talking mega-millions being split 73 ways), leaving mere crumbs for all of the other division 1 schools to share. Many of the non-BCS teams can barely run a football program like this, and the rest of their athletics suffer accordingly. However, I'm not going into the BCS. I'm talking about what used to be the purest of games, where it seemed like anyone could make a run for the national title.

The media, as allowed by the NCAA, has segregated the "haves" from the "have nots". They've systematically weeded out the weak (so they think) and put them in their place. These also-rans are commonly called "mid-majors" in this day and age.

If you don't compete in one of the Big 6 conferences, then this is your fate (with a few minor exceptions). Hope is lost, and the only possibility you have of gaining any prominence is winning a conference tournament (usually 3 or 4 games in just a few days) and making the NCAA tournament field. From there fate is not on your side. You will not receive favorable treatment. You will have to knock off a B6 conference team, just to get the right to play an even better one.

That, or you can lose the conference tournament and play in the NIT. Also known as "The Loser’s Bracket". However, even this deck is stacked against you, because if you come from a non-B6 conference, you won't be rewarded for any hard work during the season. You won't get the opportunity to play in front of your home crowd one more time. You'll get to travel to a half-full arena that seats 3 times the capacity of yours, just because the team you're playing is one of the good ol’ boys.

Here's one possible solution (with much respect to my friend David from Hilltopper Haven):

Talk to the other 230 something members of the NCAA and join together. Tell the NCAA that we are no longer interested in playing in their tournament. We're tired of always being the underdog. In other words, “take our ball and go home”. Revolt.

"We" should purchase the NIT outright from the NCAA, or, if that isn't possible, create our own tournament, completely disassociated with the NCAA's tournament. That way the NCAA can have their 73 team tourney and all of the hoopla they want.

Sooner or later they'll see that the people want to see the little guys. Believe it or not, there are more fans of 230 something teams, than 73. I know that's hard to fathom.

Our Tournament could be started from scratch. I don't know how many teams would be in it. But at least every single regular season champion and tournament champion would be in it (if they aren't the same team). The rest would come from at large selections, chosen by a true panel of individuals who study the teams throughout the season and understand how RPI, SOS, and all the other acronyms work. No longer will a few people who "like what they see" out of certain teams be in charge of deciding who is the most qualified to compete for national prominence.

This new tournament will have it's own television deal. Screw ESPN/ABC, CBS, and the lot. Find an edgy network (Fox, FX, WB, etc) who will work to make sure everyone looks good and gets some equal opportunity. Fox has started this with Fox College Sports. FCS are 3 channels devoted to college athletics. The Pac 10 dominates one of the channels, but the other 2 are predominantly smaller conferences or teams (including Western Kentucky).

I'm sure there is a lot more to it, but these are some fundamentals. Please, let me know what you think by posting comments. I may be crazy, I know that. I'm just fed up with the NCAA and the beast they've let the national media create.

STICKY SHEETS! YUCK!! GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER, 'CAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!

Ah yes! Another Monday! It looks like it's going to be a nasty one too. When I woke up this morning it was already in the 70's with high humidity. I could tell because I was stuck to my sheets and already sweating. What do you expect from Memphis though? I immediately flip on the local weather channel to see what the day will behold for me, weather wise. Well, somehow the high for the day will only reach 69, but it's already 73, so that helps a lot. We've already got Thunderstorms all around us, and we're supposed to get more. Damn you Arkansas!!! You always give us your crappy weather!

Anyway, I had an interesting dream last night, and a completely different song, style wise, in my head this morning. So, on to the good stuff...

My dream: Well, I don't know if I had 2 dreams and they just mixed up together, or if it was all one and correlate somehow? Anyway, the first part of the dream I'm walking on the beach with a male friend of mine. I don't know which friend, but I know it's a guy. We're strolling down the beach and checking out some of the ladies, like guys always do. I don't think I'd do that with my fiancee or any other female acquantence? We try to walk like we're cool, but both of us are overweight, and not all that sexy. Anyway, we get to the end of the beach and there's just a gravel road, leading into a field. There is some new construction (looks like apartments, and crappy ones at that). My buddy and I stop on the gravel road and look around. The only thing I remember saying is "Wow, can you imagine how many girls have lost their virginity here?" Segue into the next part...

I'm in a casino, playing Blackjack, I thought. However, I keep putting $5 (5 $1 chips) into this tray with the number 12 on it, and I keep winning. The dealer is dealing cards like Blackjack, and I keep winning those hands, so I double my $5 in chips every time. I'm sitting there playing by myself, with only the dealer, which I never do. It's just not smart gambling. Anyway, I decided to step outside for a second. There's a door directly behind the table that I can go onto a patio and relax. I put my $5 in the number 12 tray again, and just before I head out the door one of my friends walks up. I know this friend and he's always been a little crazy, but he says he'll keep an eye on my "stuff" while I'm outside. I go out the door, and I'm back on the gravel road, but alone this time. This gives me an eerie feeling after a few, short seconds, so I go back inside to the table. To my surprise there are a huge stack of $50 chips where I was sitting. My boy, Clue, starts shouting "You're number hit while you were outside!!!" Well, obviously, dumbass!

I sit down and try to start counting my loot. I look up from the table to see if my fiancee is anywhere to be found, and I see her wandering around looking for me. The table I'm at is off in a far corner where she'd probably never look, so I send Clue after her (and I think she's got a friend with her, but I don't know who). I put my black $50 chips in 5 stacks of 10 chips. For some reason, I couldn't do the math while I'm sitting there. My Mom and Miss Jayne stroll up and ask me how I did. I tell them, "I think I'm up about 2 grand." Finally, my fiancee, her friend, and Clue make it to the table. I'm standing there talking to them, when I look down and one of my stacks of chips is missing. I saw a woman venturing over by the table, and she was gone quickly, so I assumed she stole them. I run over to the security spot and ask them to check the video to see if she did. They look into it while I walk back over to my crew at the table. By now the dealer has left and the table is closed down. I'm kind of looking around at the the table and I realized that I had a ton of quarters there too, but they're now gone also. My brain starts some furious thought processes, "Did I change them in and just forgot? Hmm... Maybe I gave them all to the dealer? Crap!! I forgot to tip the dealer!! She helped me get paid and I completely forgot to tip her! Man, I'm an asshole!"

Then the security guard yells over at me "Hey, you put the chips in your pocket!" "Huh?" I think to myself. I don't remember putting them in my pocket. The only thing in my pocket is my keys, right? I reach in and, sure enough, 10 $50 chips are perfectly in a roll. Man, what a dumbass. I win a little money and I completely lose it? I then have some incoherent conversation with my fiancee. It had something to do with the money, but I can't remember it. Then I wake up.

What it means? Again, so many symbols, so where do I start? Well, I think I'll start at the beginning with where I am... the beach.
Beach: To see the beach in your dream, symbolizes the meeting between your two states of mind. The sand is symbolic of the rational and mental processes while the water signifies the irrational, unsteady, and emotional aspects of yourself. It is a place of transition between the physical/material and the spiritual.

To dream that you are on the beach and looking out toward the ocean, indicates unknown and major changes that are occurring in your life. Consider the state of the ocean, whether it is calm, pleasant, forbidding, etc.

Well, lucky for me the water was very, very calm. It was barely even rolling up to the shore. So, pleasant changes? That works for me. I'm getting ready to move into a bigger apartment, so hopefully that transition will be nice and easy!

Now, why did I end up on a gravel road? The place was really kind of a dump, and not a place that I liked to be, thus me not wanting to be there when I left the casino. Here's what you get when you look up road:
Road: To see a road in your dream, indicates your sense of direction and pursuit of your goals. To see a winding and bumpy road in your dream, signifies that will find many obstacles and setbacks toward your goals. You may be met with unexpected difficulties. If the road is dark, then it reflects the darker or more frightening choices which you have made or are making.
Well, my road was gravel, so what the hell does that mean? The pursuit of my goals is broken up has no definite direction? I certainly hope not!!

Next I thought that my comment to my buddy might mean something, so I looked up what virgin might be:
Virgin: To dream that you are a virgin, symbolizes purity and potential.
Well, I think my comment has something to do with my view of the world right now... i.e. lacking purity and potential. I'm a little upset about some "goings on" from last night, and I think it leaked into my subconscious. I'll make another post about that later on though.

Onto the casino... The place wasn't as bad as some casino's. It was pretty nice actually. There wasn't a ton of smoke and the people were friendly, almost like they weren't their gambling away their paycheck trying to "get over". It was a good atmosphere.
Casino: To dream that you are in a casino, signifies the risk-taker within you. If you are a reserved or passive person, then the dream suggests that you should take a chance. If you are not, then it implies that you need to make a more informed decision instead of relying on fate.
Well, I'm not reserved or passive, so what's that tell you? I know I have a tendency to be impulsive, so I can see where this is going. I'm also a big believer in "fate". Man, that part sucks!!

Now, onto the biggest symbol in my dream. The number 12. Numbers always have a tremendous meaning in dreams, thus you usually don't remember them. I specifically remember this one, because my favorite number is 14, and I was told to stay away from it and go with 12. Pull the handle and what do we have?
Twelve: Twelve denotes spiritual strength and divine perfection.
C'mon!! Two spiritual symbols in the same dream? I don't know what exactly to make of these references. I'm not a spiritual person, nor religious. I make ammends with myself and try to be the best person I can possibly be, hoping that when I leave this life there is something better for me on the other side, wherever that is. Since I specifically saw the number 14, and was told to forget it, here's what it means:
Fourteen: The number fourteen signifies the unexpected and your need to adapt to ever-changing circumstances. It is also symbolic of overindulgence and giving into your desires. You need to be more committed and maintain focus on your goals.
What the...? I need to forget all of those things? Forget the unexpected? Forget adaptation? Okay!! Forget overindulgence? I wish I could! Then I could lose a little weight and look good for the wedding and honeymoon! Forget giving into my desires? Umm... maybe not! Forget about being more committed and maintaining focus on my goals? Man, funk that!!

Again, I have another dream where I keep forgetting things. As we covered before, forgetting is the subconscious letting me know I've forgot an appointment or something. I realize that I forgot to call my Grandma, who is going into surgery this morning. I've also forgot to call the priest we're supposed to meet with soon over the weekend. What else have I forgot?

Last symbol... My family and friends around me are happy. I think it's a good omen, and hopefully not spiritual!! Just kidding! Here's what ye' ol' dream dictionary says...
Family: To see your own family in high spirits in your dream, symbolizes harmony and happiness.
Yes!! Good close to the dream. Harmony and happiness to start my week.

Man, how do I wrap all of the symbols into one thought? Hmm... Well, I think both my states of mind are descending upon me. I'm not really happy with something that's happened lately, but everything is "cooler than a fan, man" on many aspect of my life, namely moving, transitioning into the wedding, etc. I need to stop forgetting things, like I didn't know that already. Lastly, I need to be a little introspective and search out some spirituality, just to see where I stand.

Yeah, that should take care of it for today! On to music...

Song of the Day: "It Never Rains in Southern California" by Toni! Tony! Tone! from The Revival

Really strange song to be in my head, but we've had a couple of rainy days here, followed by plenty of sunshine. Maybe I'm hoping for more sunshine, or I need to be a weather prognosticator, because my song told me it was going to rain. This song sucks because I don't have it on my Ipod, thus I can't hear it and get it out of my head. I used to have a dub of it on tape, but like I have a tape player now!!

YOU'RE A THESBIAN? REALLY?

Well, back in the saddle. After not remembering my dream yesterday I had a good one last night, which will lead me into the song of the day too.

My dream: Well, again it's kind of a jumble, but the main point of it is that I'm acting in a musical. I have no clue what the musical is, but I know I have to sing in it. The first time I read the script I remember it word for word. We're doing our first practice of it, and I'm nailing it while everyone else is still reading from the script.

Before the next time we're to have practice, myself and another guy who is in the musical with me decide to go visit this ancient ruin where they're actually carving the face of the new queen or something into the side of the monument. "Man, she is ugly!" That's the only thing I can rememer saying to my buddy (who just happens to be the same guy that was in a musical with me back when I was in middle school, but we're adults now). We think nothing of it and head to practice.

The musical is being directed by one of my college professors (who actually did direct the plays that were put on, on campus, back then). Well, we start trying to practice, and this time I've not got a one page color printed paper, front and back, with all kinds of things written on it. Most of the stuff is in columns, and there's even advertisements on it. I look at it and then at the director and say "I don't remember any of this stuff being in the script?" The other actor in the musical is saying his lines and I keep vigorously scanning the page, front and back, for what he's saying. I even look over at him and say "Where is that? I can't find it?"

Finally, we get through the opening dialog, and we're now to the first song of the show. However, before I can start singing we hear this huge eruption. We all look outside and the head they were carving into the red stone has fallen off onto the ground below and is looking directly at us. Again I say, "Damn she is UGLY!!" All of a sudden all of these Roman-esque warriors start filing out to preserve the statues head. They end up somehow putting in on a robot style body that is made out of the same rock the head is. It was really some wacky stuff, and didn't follow with the rest of my subliminal thoughts.

So, that commotion is over with and it's time to get back to the song. I take my place, sitting on top of a wooden fence (it was one of those privacy fences that has two sides of fencing with a half a foot wide plank in the middle), which wasn't all that comfortable, but it was my job to be up there, so I did it. Now, I can't remember the words to the song. I had just sung it word for word at the last practice, so why is it not in my head anymore? My co-actor sings the first part, and I hum it to myself, but it's just not clicking. We try to start singing it, but nothing comes out of me that makes any sense. Then, the director shouts "Hold on! How about this?" She presses play on a CD player and I hear a beat I've heard before. With this crazy look on my face I say "Is that Nine Inch Nails?" She just smiles at me. I can barely hear the opening verse and then the chorus screams:

Man, that made me happy! I start rockin' out and then I wake up.

What it all means? Where there several symbols in there. The main part of being an actor goes back to one of my loves and may just be my subconcious yearning to be in the spotlight. I'll look it up though, too, just in case. From my favorite dream dictionary website:
"To dream that you are an actor, denotes that your hard work and labor will be well worth it in the end. It also indicates your strong desires to be recognized and acknowledge. This may also be an indication of a role that you are playing in your real life, whether it be the role of a parent, sibling, co-worker, etc. Or perhaps you are putting on an act or a facade."
I think that seeing people you haven't seen in a while is an indication of yearning for the past. I'm not really sure though. They could just be random individuals that played part in those type of events before. Here's what the dictionary said:
"To see people from your past in your dream, refers to your shadow and other unacknowledged aspects of yourself. It can represent a waking situation that is bringing out similar feelings as your past relationships."
The next two things go hand in hand, I believe. The fact that I remembered everything the first time, and then forgot it the next time should coincide, right? I do have a photographic memory in waking life, so it wouldn't be beyond the realm of possibility that I could read something and completely memorize the entire thing. That happens sometimes. As for forgetting...
"To dream about a memory, suggests that your are ready to rid yourself of your old ways and undergo some sort of transformation and new outlook in life. Recalling a memory in your dream may also be less of a shock then if you had recalled the memory in your waken state. It indicates that you may have learned something from your past."

"To dream that you keep forgetting, is your subconscious manifesting itself in your dream that you may have forgotten an appointment or date."

Next, I'm going to touch on the statue thing. It was really kind of weird, because it had no place in my dream and what was going on. It just kind of slipped in there unannounced.
"To see people you know as statues in your dream, symbolizes a lack of communication with that person and that the relationship is inflexible. On a more positive note, it may represent someone you idealize and admire."
Yeah, that's great, but I don't know who's head it was on the statue, so I don't know who I'm not communicating with and/or idolize/admire. As for seeing just the head on the ground, I found two things that it might signify:
"To dream that you or someone else is being beheaded, signifies poor judgment or a bad decision that you have made and regretted."
"To see a head in your dream, signifies wisdom, intellect, understanding and rationality. It may also represent your accomplishments, self-image, and perception of the world."
Wow, if those aren't two completely conflicting accounts. I know I've done plenty of stupid things in my life, so it could easily be the first, and the second is alright too. However, I don't have that great a perception of the world. My accomplishments and self-image are still a work in progress.

Okay, that's about it for the day. I believe last night's dream was intentionally jumbled up, with the piece added in to make me think about it. My interpretation of it: I'm working hard to be recognized and/or acknowledged (probably at work), and that I've made some mistakes in my past, but I've recognized them and I'm trying to work through it, to be more like someone else, whom I think is a success.

There you go! Oh yeah, I almost forgot...

Song of the day: "Head Like a Hole" by Nine Inch Nails from Pretty Hate Machine

It's a good song. One of Trent Reznor's first and best ones. Don't even ask me why this was part of my dream!! Luckily I didn't get to this part of the song:

THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION... EVER!

Well, I was thinking about not making a post today, but changed my mind. It's been a pretty boring day down here. The weather was nice, but I didn't leave the apartment until 9 pm tonight, and that brings us to the most important question ever to be asked?

WHEN IS A GOOD TIME TO GO TO WAL-MART?

When I was in college we'd always go some time after midnight, but then, we weren't always really shopping. We were there to mess around and waste time. Usually we were drunk, so that always made it interesting. Now, however, as an adult I have to actually go in order to get food and other things that I need to survive, like nice cushy toilet paper (Charmin Ultra Mega Roll 12 pack) and Sprite Zero. It seems that I can never go at the right time now and it's always packed. Is that just me? I guess everyone feels the same as me now, and decides to go at 9 or 10 pm on a weekend, thus the long lines and waiting to check-out?

I can't really complain too much about tonight though, because it wasn't that bad. I left downtown Memphis right at 9 pm and went over to West Memphis, Arkansas (which is only 10 minutes away at the most), mostly because the tax rate is lower in Arkansas than Tennessee. The 3.75% tax difference can be a nice chunk of change when you go grocery shopping rarely once a month.

Anyway, back to Wal-Mart... It didn't take me all that long to get there and get started. This time around I was smart and made a list of everything I need. This served two obvious purposes... 1) Remind me of what I need, and 2) Keep me from buying a ton of shit I don't need. Well, I pretty much stuck to the list, give or take 5 items or so. Not too bad, if I do say so myself.

My cart was only about half full when I was ready to check out. I head to the check out lanes, and there are a total of 4 lanes open on the grocery end of the store (One express, one self-checkout, and 2 regulars). I had more than 20 items, so that ruled one out. I checked out the two regular lanes, but each were at least 4 carts deep, so that left me one choice. I roll up to the self checkout and am 4th in line. The first person is finishing up, and then there's a guy with only 2 items. We move right along. The family in front of me have a cart a little more full than mine (hey, she had 2 kids, so what do you expect), so I don't get to bothered about waiting a little longer. I kick back, check my voicemails, and read the crazy tabloids covers. I love that shit! The paparazzi pics of celebs just amuse the hell out of me.

**Okay, I have to give a little background info here. I haven't had the most luck with the self checkout line. Nine times out of 10 I have to have one of the workers come over and fix the stupid thing, so I usually try to go elsewhere, if possible.**

She finishes up after about 5 minutes and I start unloading my goodies onto the belt. The woman behind me immediately starts the huffing and puffing, like I'm really putting her out. With this cute little action, I decide that I'll be a little bit of an asshole. Hell, she deserves it, right? As I'm putting my things on the belt, I look up at her and just smile my best shit-eatin' grin I have, just to let her know that I'm going to take a little while. I get most of the things out of my cart and start the scanning process. Instead of filling both bags and then putting them in the cart, I decide to go one bag at a time. It's just a thing of beauty. Everything is going good and all of a sudden.... BANG!!!! I push the touch screen to "skip bagging" and it comes up with an error "Needs authorization to skip bagging". What the hell is that all about? Someone has to okay that I'm not putting something in a bag? Yeah, that's pretty smart programming.

Anyway, I stand there, not saying anything, waiting for the clerk to come by and help me, after she gets done helping someone else with something. My inability to make the machine work and non-desire to bother the clerk, obviously begins to drive the woman behind me insane. She gets out of line, away from her cart, and walks over the clerk, who's two lanes over, and says (in the loudest possible manner) "Yeah! We need some help over here!" (pointing at me) I just stand there and smile. It's amusing to me, because I can be the biggest asshole when I want to be. The clerk gets over to me as quick as possible and tries a couple of times to type in her password. She says "I know I know my password" and types is in again, but it fails. I just laugh and say to her "You don't know your password do you?" She laughs with me and punches in the right combo of numbers this time around. I finish up my scanning and am ready to head home.

It took maybe 3 minutes for my entire checkout process, but it must've seemed like 2 hours to the woman behind me. She virtually pushed my cart out of her way when I grabbed my receipt. I made sure to turn back to her and give her another nice smile, as if saying "It was my pleasure pissing you off tonight!"

So, my day was made! I got back downtown by 10:15, so I can't really complain too much about this latest trip to Wal-Mart. Usually I absolutely hate going, because I go at the worst possible times, but this time was allllll-right.

Here's your lesson for today: If you've ever been that person (I know I have) that huffs and puffs about having to wait a few minutes to checkout, then here's a warning... There are people like me out in the world that find great joy in drawing out your pain, so just relax and be patient. If you get pissed off, just try to smile and act like you don't care. The more you make your feeling known, the more I'm going to work on driving you crazy.

Let that sink in a little bit.... Got it? Good!

Now, time for bed! Well, maybe not yet. I'm interested in seeing Pacific in their conference championship game against Long Beach State.

BASKETBALL, BACK IN MY LIFE...

Well, it's almost midnight in Memphis, and I'm pretty bored and pretty tired, yet had a couple things on my mind.

It's been a good day. I accomplished a few things at work today and while I was at lunch a good friend of mine called with some excellent news. So, I'm sitting at Hooters with two co-workers, when my phone rings. I answer it, knowing who's on the other end, and say "What's up man?" He replies with, "Dude, you need to get over to the Forum (FedEx Forum in Memphis) at 3:20." I could barely hear him with all of the action going on around us at the restaurant (Tennessee was playing South Carolina on TV at the time). He repeated the same thing at least 5 times, but I still didn't get the hint. Finally, I just tell him that I'll call him when I get back to the office.

Half an hour later I make it back to the office and give him a call to find out what's going on. He goes on to tell me that he's got us two tickets to the Conference USA semi-final tournament games. However, the first game, between the University of Memphis and the University of Houston, starts at 3:30. On any given day I usually work until 5 pm or after, so getting out of work can be rather troublesome. Anyway, I sit at my desk for a little while thinking of stories to tell me boss why I need to leave work at 3 pm today. Finally, I just decide to tell the truth. That usually works, right? Well, in this case it does. I go and ask my boss if he minds if I get outta there at 3 and he just asks me why. I reply, "Well, my buddy got us good seats to the Tigers game that starts at 3:30." He just laughs, and say's "Sure, just don't let O'connor see you." O'connor is my boss's boss's boss, and is a Memphis grad and big booster. I simply tell my boss "Oh, don't worry! He'll be up in the luxury box, and I'll be down on the floor!"

Well, that was partially correct. We were exactly 3 rows behind the Houston bench. Just within earshot of Tom Penders (UH's Coach), who may very well be the softest spoken coach I've ever had the pleasure of being near. Not once in the two hours I spent watching him did he even come close to raising his voice. I almost kind of like the guy. His team played okay, but rely way too much on individual athleticism and shooting the 3 pointer. If they are on, then they could very well beat anyone. However, tonight, they were not on, thus, they lost.

I've lived in Memphis for nearly two years now, and I'm still not a UofM fan. I root for them a little bit, but I just can't pull myself to be a true "fan" of them. Something about the coach (who I personally believe couldn't coach his way out of a wet paper bag, but that's another story), and the players he recruits have a tendency to be less than "upstanding". Here it seems like winning is the #1 priority, regardless of how it happens. That's something that I've always hated about "big time" college athletics. Some places can get away with it, some can't, but it sends the absolute wrong message to high school athletes and even younger kids. They see these guys, who couldn't score a 10 on an ACT exam, playing ball and doing whatever they want, and then they hear about them getting arrested on drug possession charges, shoplifting, or beating the living shit out of their girlfriends, and what punishment do they get? They get a slap on the wrist, no jail time, and maybe, have to sit out a game or two. What message does this send to our youth?

Anyway, I got a little off topic there... We head over to the forum to watch a couple of good basketball games. This is the first time since Tuesday night that I've actually wanted to watch a basketball game. Now, I've watched a few since then, but not whole-heartedly. They were on TV, but I didn't care. Many of the people that may actually read this know what happened on Tuesday night. Some have even labeled it "Black Tuesday". I think that's pretty fitting. For those that don't know, on Tuesday, March 7th, 2006, both of Western Kentucky University's basketball teams had the opportunity to win their respective conference championships in Murfreesboro, TN. On this day several thousand Hilltopper fans travelled from all over the surrounding area to turn the blue of the Murphy Center "RED". I was not fortunate enough to get to watch the Lady Topper basketball team play against homestanding Middle Tennessee State University, but I listened to the game via the internet radio stream. They came out strong and took a commanding lead, but then it just seemed like they quit doing everything that worked. The final result... another disappointing conference final loss to MTSU.

Now, onto the real heartbreaker... At first, it looked like my beloved Hilltoppers, that I've watched all season, were out on the floor just like they've been 28 other times this season. However, within 3 minutes of the first half I had figured out that someone had stolen our gray uniforms and given them to Florida International. I say that, because I didn't see anything that I'd seen all season. There was no sign of the passion and heart with which this team had played with most of the year. After senior night, and all of the energy and electricity I saw them play with, I thought this team was invincible. Well, I was quickly proven wrong. Anything, and everything that could go wrong on this night, did. The Hilltoppers couldn't throw the ball in the ocean if they were standing on the beach, and it seemed like South Alabama couldn't miss if they had to. Part of the latter was our atrocious defense. We'd played some bad "D" during the season, but this night was something special. All it really took was one pass and they'd be shooting a wide open 3 pointer or would have an open layup. I can't remember exactly what they shot in the first half, but they shot 63% for the game, and South Alabama hit their first 9 shots of the 2nd half, basically crushing all ideas of any type of comeback.

I have to give South Alabama and Coach Pelphrey full credit for this win, and not just blame it on the Hilltoppers. They did everything they were supposed to do to beat us. Obviously they had a game plan and executed it to perfection. They took advantage of every weakness we had and exploited every deficit they saw. If you weren't rooting for WKU, then it would've been a thing of beauty to watch this game. For us Topper fans though, it was purely two hours of hell.

I'm still not over this game, and probably won't be for a long time. It's not necessarily that we lost, or that we lost in the championship game to go to the Big Dance. It's more that we got absolutely embarrassed on National TV (one of our few chances to be on it), and that this is the one and only impression that some people will ever have of Hilltopper basketball. Lastly, it's the first, and last, impression that the selection committee will have of our program, which is what sucks the most. Twenty three wins and 7 defeats means nothing to them, mostly because of our conference affiliation. Our defeating UAB, on their home court (the only team to do it this season), means absolutely nothing. Our win over Virginia, who actually held their own in the ACC this year, means absolutely nothing. Our close losses at Arizona and Bradley mean nothing. None of the hard work these kids put in all off-season means anything. In the end, we get to kiss our sisters, and are supposed to be happy about it. What makes it worse is that some team with less wins, more losses, and not the quality of talent we have will be in the NCAA tournament and we'll have to sit and watch and say to ourselves "Dammit!! We could beat them!"

So is the life of a Hilltopper this time of year.

Oh, I watched Memphis beat Houston and UAB barely squeak by UTEP in two wonderful games today. I almost missed that entire point. And, to think, I could've stayed at work all day.

GETTING UP IS HARD TO DO...

I had a really tough time crawling out of bed this morning. I was already late to work before I got in the shower. Luckily I live less than a block from work, so I was here by 8:20. Anyway, today was a day that I just wanted to stay nuzzled in bed. I’m not sure why though, because it is an absolutely beautiful day today in Memphis. The sun was out bright and early, with barely a cloud in the sky. I believe it was 65 degrees at 8 am, and is supposed to reach into the 70’s today. You can’t beat that. However, I wanted to stay in bed. Now, you watch, tomorrow I’ll be up at the crack of dawn ready to take on the world. It’s amazing how my body and mind work.

Song of the day: “Duality” by Slipknot, Vol 3: The Subliminal Verses

Don’t ask me how this one got into the old noggin this morning, just like yesterday. I guess I’m going to have to switch over to some Jack Johnson or something, just to mellow out my brain cells. Anyway, the only thing I’ve been hearing/singing is:

“I push my fingers into my….. EYES….
It’s the only thing that slowly stops the…. ACHE….
But it’s made of all the things I have to…. TAKE….
Jesus, it never ends
It works it’s way…. INSIDE….
If the pain goes on….
I’m not going to MAKE IT….”

This song is much stronger than the one yesterday, so the only thing I can really make out of it is that my mind is telling me “Homeboy!!! It’s Friday!! Let’s ROCK this bitch!!!”. Which is always true, but when you really just feel like staying in bed, which is how I felt today, hearing this song in your head is the last thing you really want, especially when it starts the “All I got is INSANE” part. It’s a good song though. It is one of those that pumps you up and gets you going. It just came along a little early this morning.

Dream of the day: Well, I had a few and it is hard to break them up and figure what goes with which one. The best I can remember, my lady and I were going see the lead singer of “Eagle Eye Cherry” perform at a regular Cineplex, for some stupid reason. To the best of my recollection, I don’t even know a single “Eagle Eye Cherry” song, even their one hit wonder song, but I remember what the guy on the cover of their album looks like, and he was doing his thing in my dream.

So, we’re sitting in regular movie theater seats watching him on a stage and he plays the trumpet a little bit, and horribly at that, so, somehow I steal the trumpet from him (even though I never left my seat). He then starts walking around asking for the trumpet and during that says that he’ll play some of his stuff, depending on what the crowd wants. He asks “Do you want Hip Hop or Rock?” Well, the crowd wants hip hop, so he presses play on a CD, and continues walking around looking for the trumpet. I actually thought he was going to “play” some music, not make us listen to a CD of him playing music. Actually, it’s pretty funny stuff.

Okay, back to the action… We’re sitting about 3 quarters of the way toward the back of the auditorium, and I’m 6’2, which is still pretty tall when sitting down. Finally, I decide to give up the trumpet, even though I don’t want him playing it anymore, so I raise it above my head in order to signal that I have it “RIGHT HERE”. Well, he walks right by me without seeing it, or me, for that matter. By now, all of the people around me are signaling that I have it, but he still doesn’t see either of us. After what seems like half an hour, he sees it and comes by to pick it up.

Now, that’s just the beginning of the dream. Here’s where it gets fuzzy and kind of crazy.

I decide, after this debacle that I’m going to go find a bathroom, because I have a sudden urge to “drop the kids off at the pool”, and I know how much my fiancée hates me making any reference to “it”, so I just tell her “I’ll be right back”. Well, I guess the theater didn’t have any restrooms, so I venture out into the mall that the theater is attached to. This is an absolutely huge mall too. I walk for about 45 minutes and pass by a couple sports stores that are having clearance sales on shoes, so I stop to look. However, all they have are small sizes, and 3 pairs of at least size 30 basketball sneakers. I pass on by.

All of a sudden I venture upon a jail, yes, inside the mall. I think to myself, “Self, you’ve walked all this time and have yet to find a restroom, and I think you’ve got a turtle-head poking out, so you’d better just get in there and take care of business”. Now, I didn’t want to use the jail toilet, but what choice did I have? I walk in to the front entrance and then immediately through an open barred door. Why it’s standing wide open? Hell if I know, but I can see toilets in rows back in the back. I get back there and try to find one that suits my liking. A couple of things seem really strange to me here: 1) There is barely any toilet paper, anywhere, and there’s probably 80 toilets, and 2) the toilets are configured in really, really weird formations. Some are placed at odd angles, and, at one point, I see two that are facing each other only about 4 inches apart. Well, those aren’t for me! I find the one farthest in the back, and I’m not sure what happens from there. I’m guessing I took care of business, but all I remember is seeing a couple of officers bring in a guy in an orange jumpsuit, so I decide it’s time to hit the bricks. As I get back to the front barred door, they are just starting to close it, but let me out, just in time. I walk out and some random guy stops me and asks me “Dude, how’s you get out of there?” I just told him, “I wasn’t wearing handcuffs, so they couldn’t keep me”.

Now, I start the journey back to the theater, to be back with my lady. Somehow I take a wrong turn in this maze of a mall, and get side-tracked for about 15 minutes. Now, remember, it was a 45 minute walk to get where I was to begin with, so it’s at least an hour back. I get back around to where the theater is and I see a lot of people leaving, so I know the show is over. I think to myself, “Shit!! She’s going to be pissed!!” Was I ever right! I grab my cell phone and I’ve got a ton of messages on there, so I check my voicemail. The first one starts in, “Wow, I’m sure glad we decided to come to see this show together. Thanks for nothing!” Then the next is very similar, “I’m glad you decided to leave me here by myself to enjoy this!” The only other one I can remember said, “He just played “our” song, “Butter”, and you weren’t here with me. I don’t think you love me.” I could hear the anger mixed with sadness in her voice, but by this time I’m just pissed off because of all of the messages! I was simply mad at the fact that she left a bunch of messages, and didn’t really even hear what she was saying in them. I finally call her and she immediately starts with, “Where the hell have you been? The show is over and I’m leaving. I can’t believe you’d do this to me.” I reply, “Well, I had to go to the bathroom and I couldn’t find one. Then I ended up in jail. You’d think you’d come look for me if I was gone that long, but I guess you don’t care that much do you? Well, you care just enough to leave me a hundred messages, but that’s it”, and I hang up. She calls me back but it’s all inaudible. I wake up, because I hate having dreams where I argue with anyone.

This was actually the first dream I had last night, but was the weirdest. I went through all of it at that moment, and every time I would wake up throughout the morning I would keep recalling it, just so I’d remember by now.

What it means? Well, there are so many little pieces that can mean things. The Theater and the trumpet both are pretty significant, so I’ll start by looking those up. From dreammoods.com:
“Theater: To dream that you are in a theater, signifies that you will derive much pleasure from new companionships.”
“Trumpet: To see a trumpet in your dream, signifies a sudden new preoccupation that has taken over part of your time. To dream that you are blowing a trumpet, denotes that you will achieve your desires. Or it may simply be a way for your subconscious to get your attention.”
Yeah, I actually remember blowing the trumpet once after I had stolen it. I think we all know what the new preoccupation is. Hint, hint: You’re reading it.

As for not being able to be seen… I think it has more to do with my wanting to be heard, and it not happening. I looked up being invisible and here’s what it came up with:
“Invisible: To dream that you are invisible, signifies feelings of not being noticed or recognized for what is important to you. Alternatively, you may be trying to withdraw from the realities of life.”

The next piece that I think is important is the “toilets”. I know I’m cheating a lot today, but, hell, I don’t know what a trumpet, theater, or toilet mean in a dream. I can figure out not being able to be seen, but those are a little more difficult. Here’s the next one:
“Toilet: To see a toilet in your dream, symbolizes a release of emotions or getting rid of something in your life that is useless.”

I can definitely understand that. I have a tendency to really bottle up feelings, and then just explode all at once. I think this little blog gives me the outlet for release that I’ve been looking for. Who would’ve guessed that a friggin’ diary of my dreams would be better than a therapist?

The last thing I’m going to try to understand is the “Butter” reference from my fiancée. I know she said it was a song, but I don’t know any songs titled “Butter”, so I figure it has to deal with something else. Let’s see what the old dream dictionary has to say:
“Butter: To see or taste butter in your dream, suggests that you are looking to be gratified in some area of your life. You need to indulge yourself in life's pleasure.”

Well, there you have it. Today’s dream basically tells me that I have a new outlet for release, but I’m still needing to be noticed, and that I need to indulge myself a little more. Wow, I probably could’ve told you that without sleeping through the night, and spending two hours typing this out. However, I wouldn’t be “releasing” then, would I?

I’ll do my best not to cheat so much the next time, but I think I get a better understanding when I look up objects and feelings and see what their meanings are. Much props to http://www.dreammoods.com for the help today!!

FIRST TRY, AGAIN...

Well, I'll try this again, for the first time. I had a wonderful post that I lost because the internet connection I have at work is absolutely horrible. Some would say I shouldn't be doing this at work anyway, but if I wait until I get home tonight all of my thoughts will have passed.

Okay, let me try to remember what all I said before...

I created this blog because I like to talk, yet don't have a whole lot of people around me that I can talk too, and on my favorite message board (http://www.hilltopperhaven.com) I tend to get pretty long-winded, like my boy Dahbeed (http://beedscasanoestucasa.blogspot.com/). Anyway, I'm going to try to go in a little different direction. I have two things that happen to me every day. One, I dream, and lucidly I might add, and I think about the things I dream about, alot. Secondly, I wake up with a song in my head every single day. Sometimes they are just random songs, other times they have a specific purpose in directing my day.

I try to gather an understanding of my dreams, just so I can realize how unconcious thought passes into the waking world. It's something that I've thought about for a long time, and really interests me. One of my tattoos is based on a reoccuring dream I used to have. We'll talk about that later though.

As for the songs... I wake every day singing a song in my head. Sometimes it's something good that I really like, other times it's just something random. The only problem is that I have to hear that song to get it out of my head and move on with my day. That can prove to be a problem when I wake up with some random song that I don't have in my Ipod or if I don't remember the artist, so I can't find it.

Now, I'll try to give a little background on me and where I am right now. First off, I'm in love with the person I want to spend the rest of existence on this crazy orb with. She so enamors me, that I'm almost useless. I don't really know how much she knows this, but she will soon. Anyway, anyone who knows anything about me knows that I'm getting married in May, and am very excited about it. Plans are going well (as far as I know). I'm actually trying to help as much as I can, but unfortunately I feel like I'm somehow failing in helping her much.

Here's where my biggest problem lies... I live in Memphis. She doesn't. Our daily interaction is a phone call, which just sucks. Sometimes you just need to come home and have a kiss or hug waiting for you. Even a big ol' meanie like me needs affection and tenderness to make me feel better. Yes, I'm a little bitch like that! Anyway, this distance (about 5 hours) makes every time we're together feel all the more special. Unfortunately for her, I'm a basketball junkie, and it's been basketball season for a few months now, so all of the times I've seen her have revolved around us watching a basketball game. She's taken it really well, and I hope she knows how happy it makes me that she'll sacrifice that to see me.

Okay, in my original post, I told about our first date, but I'm not going to this time. I'll tell the story later. Right now, I have to get to my two points for the day before I forget them, since I've already talked about them and the thoughts are fading. Yes, I have ADD and/or ADHD, so it's hard for me to keep a train of thought for a long stretch of time.

Song of the day: "Circles" by Slipknot, from Vol 3: The Subliminal Verses

Not sure why this one came up today. I've been listening to this album quite a bit lately, since I really like several of the songs from it (mostly Prelude, Duality, Circles, Before I forget, Vermilion: Part 2, and Danger! Keep Away). That may be the reason. Anyway, only the chorus kept ringing in my head: