THE DAILY DIVERSION

JUST GOTTA GET THIS OUT THERE!

From March 16th, 2006, 11 pm...

I've always been told to never go to bed mad. Well, I'm really, really tired, but, I'm far more pissed off than I am tired. The reason behind all of this anger is my father. How is it that the people you're supposed to love the most are the ones that can make you the absolute most insane?

I guess I'd bette give up some background info before I can get into why I'm mad...

My parents divorced when I was just a little squirt. As a matter of fact, I don't have too many memories of when my parents were married, but, then again, alcohol kills brain cells, so I probably lost those memories in the bottom of a bottle of Crown Royal a while back. Anyway, my sister and I have lived with my Mom since the divorce. Things were really rough on us after the divorce. My Mom had a good job, but it barely paid the bills. We lived in a shitty apartment in Ocean Springs, Mississippi for a while, until she met my future step-father. All of this time, while we scraped by, my father lived across the bridge in Biloxi. He lived the high life. Dated any hoochie he could find, partied like he was 19 again, etc. I didn't find out until much, much later that he never paid child support for us, like he was supposed to, but my Mom never complained about it (that we know of anyway).

About the same time my Mom remarried my Dad moved to West Palm Beach, Florida. He was an air traffic controller at the time, and Palm Beach International was one of the busiest airports on the east coast. I assume he was paid accordingly. I'll never know though.

My sister and I would usually go down and visit during the summer time and we never had a bad time, that I can think of, but Dad wasn't really around that much then while we were there. It was usually just she and I left to our own devices. Dangerous stuff! Good thing he always lived where there was a pool.

When I was in middle school and the first part of high school, my Dad was "away". We rarely spoke with him, and it pretty much became the norm not to have any contact. We he finally came back to the real world it was like nothing had changed. He never went out of his way for us, unless there was something in it for him. He's the same way with his mother, my Grandma. She's convenient for him when he wants something from her. That's about it, and that's the nicest way I can put it.

Anyway, I can't remember him having a ton of full-time jobs since then. It seems like he's always on one of the "get rich quick" deals. First it was that stupid "Excel" phone service. He even tried to get my Mom to "sign up". I mean, come on!! He's bounced in and out of those type of things for the better part of my adult life, and always tries to get my sister and I involved somehow (usually purchasing something).

I guess you could just call him a wandering spirit? It seems like his soul is never at rest, and I don't really know what makes him tick. I've never had enough contact with him to figure it out either. I'm good at understanding a person after only a little bit of time with them, but he's something else. Some would call him a sheister (I hope that's spelled correctly). I have a lot of him in me, but I do my best not to use it against people, like he does. However, I could sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman in a white dress. Let me tell you how.... (kidding)

Anyway, I've gotten way off of track... Let me start with late last week, or early this one (I can't remember, because things have kind of been a blur for the last couple weeks). My Grandma has had some chronic back problems, involving multiple surgeries over the past few years. Anyhow, he fell early in the week and thought she had done something to her hip. Well, her back got messed up too, and they needed to do a surgery on her. My sister called me and broke it down for me. I was supposed to call Grandma and check on her and everything, but didn't. I admit I'm a bad person. At least I can do that. I, too often, forget to do things I'm supposed to do, or get doing other things and never get around to doing what I'm supposed to do. Also, I have ADHD, so my mind can't stay fixed on one thing, which should be obvious by my entries on this silly thing.

Where was I? Oh yeah, Grandma had to have surgery and my Sis called me to let me know. She tells me that Dad had already found out about everything and was supposed to call both of us and let us know what was going on. Well, it just so happened that my Sis called Grandma, otherwise we would've never know anything happened, since we didn't hear from "you know who".

All of this brings us around to tonight...

I got home around 5:30 and immediately started doing some packing. Yes, I'm actually doing it! Anyway, I get a phone call around 7 ish and I see "DAD" on my caller ID. "Ohh!! What do I owe this grand event to?" I wonder. I'm thinking that he was calling me about some issue with getting his tux for my wedding or something. Boy I was wrong!

He starts off the conversation with "What are you doing?" I just tell him that I'm cleaning things up trying to get ready to start packing. He tells me to stop whatever I'm doing, because I'm going to get an "ass chewing". Frankly I thought he was joking. This time he wasn't.

He rips into me, "Do you really think you're too busy to call your Grandma?" I start to explain, but immediately get cutoff, "No, there's no excuses. I know you're busy with your Bank stuff, but you need to make time".

Okay, I'm starting to get a little pissed. I'm a 30 year old man, and I have someone talking to me like I'm 3 years old? Fuck that! I bite my lip.

He continues, "I don't care how busy you think you are..."

I start to tune out, but decide I'll just hear him out on this one. Hell, I might even deserve it, if, big "if", he goes in the right direction with this conversation. Well, he didn't. This is a man that my Grandma begged to come up to be with her before this surgery, and even offered to pay for his flights, but he "couldn't make it", yet could up and go to Las Vegas in February for the fun of it?

Well, guess who were the first and only people that were by her side last time she had surgery? Yep, me and sis. We took off work and got our asses there within a day's notice. And this guy has the nerve to tell me "to make time"? Again... Fuck that!

I'm polite. I just take my tongue lashing. It's the first time I've talked to my Dad since his birthday in November, so why make it worse, right? Well...

We get off that subject and start to talk about the wedding. He tells me that he doesn't know when they (he and my step-mother) are going to be up. I say "Well, you'd better be up here by Friday afternoon at the latest". He replies, "Well, there are some things going on down here, that, if you'd take the time to pick up the phone and call..."

"Whoa! Hold on there. The fucking phone works both ways buddy!" I had already had enough of that mess already. I wasn't going to let him get away with anymore of it. He responds "Well, you're right. But, if I recall, I called you last time..." I think to myself "Wrong, I called you on your birthday, but I won't bring that up".

"As a matter of fact the last time I've talked to either you or your sister was when I called. She hasn't tried to call me and I'm not going to call her until she calls me..."

I cut him off, "That's the most fucking asinine thing I've ever hear. That's a 4th graders answer to this. If you need to talk to her about something, call her. Don't hold that 'you haven't called me' shit against her! That's total bullshit!"

I didn't say it, but I wanted to, "We've always gone out of our way to talk to you and be a part of your life, but where have you been? You take time out for us when it's convenient for you. You drive up near where both of us live, yet don't have the common courtesy to tell us or even stop by? Hell, both of us would drive 5 hours out of our way for the chance to be with you and see you. We've both done it before, and are suckers enough to do it again. What have you done that fucking gives you the right to chastise either one of us?" As my Sis told me a little while back "You haven't been a father for 30 years, so now you're going to try to talk to me like you're one?"

This is my biggest problem, and I've had it end too many good relationships in my life. That problem is that I bottle everything up and then explode at the worst possible time. I've done it to friends and girlfriends. I have a temper, but you have to really pull it out of me. However, once you get it, it's not going to go away for a while.

Luckily, I have one of the most sensible people in the world on my speed dial. That would be my sister. It doesn't hurt that she's wrapped up in the middle of this too, and has felt the wrath of his verbal bludgeoning. She was in my skin a couple of months ago, so she knew how I felt. Someone talking to her let a lot of the pressure out. Thanks Sis! I love you!! (I know you're reading this!)

I didn't tell Adrianne about this tonight. It seemed like she was having a good evening, and I didn't to ruin it or have her worrying about me when she needed to go to bed. So, I came here. A tense bundle of nerves right at the base of my skull is subsiding. However, I'm still mad. I'm just not as mad as I was when I started typing. That's a good thing! Maybe I can go to sleep now and have pleasant dreams?

Tomorrow is Friday, and this Friday just happens to be one of my favorite holidays. Yes, St. Patricks Day!! It's the one day where I really try to celebrate my fragment of Irish heritage. Namely drinking myself into oblivion!! Yaaay!!! I love me some Saint Paddy's!!

Oh yeah, fuck green beer!! It's shitty! I'm crushing some Murphy's Irish Stout or G-nice! I may even have a Young's double chocolate Stout!! Yummy! Yummy!

(oh yeah, sorry for all of the F-bombs this time around. If you couldn't tell I was just a little worked up, and when I get that way I cuss, A LOT!)