THE DAILY DIVERSION

SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST...

If I can successfully make it here at work for another day, plus what's left of today, then I'll be well on my way toward getting married this Saturday. The sad thing is that I'm sitting here at work, but not doing any work, nor even thinking about doing any. I brought several things with me from home to work on today. I've got a list for a list, if that makes any sense.

Today I've got to write out my notes to my groomsmen, which I've been pondering over for almost a week now. I know exactly the things I want to write to a few of them, which is no problem. I've got a couple that are a little more difficult, unless I just want to say "Hey, thanks for standing up there with me", which I won't do. I've never had a problem talking, so I shouldn't have any problems this time around. I just need to get the juices flowing.

I made a list of everything that I needed to pack over the weekend, then set all of the clothes out in a neat, orderly manner. Yes, I know I'm anal, and possibly a little obsessive compulsive. Anyway, I made my list on a normal piece of paper, and if you don't know me, my handwriting is atrocious! So, I brought my list here to work so that I could transfer it over to a spreadsheet that's nice and clean. I've already packed most everything, sans the shirts and pants that I've ironed, since they'd be in horrible shape by tomorrow night, if I would've packed them on Saturday, when I did everything else. I have a huge duffelbag that I use as my suitcase, and it's about half full, right now. I don't know how much room the rest of my clothes will take, but it doesn't look like we're going to have a lot of extra room to bring stuff back, or so you would think.

In my infinite wisdom I have decided to take a smaller, carry on duffelbag with me on my flight to Evansville tomorrow night. That way, I can empty it out and stuff it in my big bag, so we can take it to Mexico. Now, we'll have a bag to put our goodies in!! Yaay!! I'm so smart, right? Yeah, something like that!

Okay, back to present thinking... Last night I went to the tanning bed for my last trip prior to the wedding. I will say this, Colonel Sanders doesn't have shit on the folks at Sunsations down in Southaven Mississippi. They fried me up like a lean piece of dark meat. Yes, I got burned to a crisp last night. I finished up my monthly visits to the regular bed, so I bought a few visits to the stand up bed, thinking it would help fill in a couple of spots. Well, it did all that, and a little more. For the first time, since my first trip, my face got burned. The back sides of my biceps and elbows got deep fried also. Today isn't really happy day for me, and sleep wasn't too great last night, since I had to find a comfortable position for my burned places, which also allowed me to breathe. Yes, breathing is important while unconscious.

After I left the fry zone, I went to my favorite place in the whole, wide world... Hell-Mart. I only had two singles and about eighty cents in change, and since I didn't want to use my debit card for anything under five dollars, I had to keep my shopping list very, very short. Actually, I had planned on only buying three things anyway, so it worked out. I needed two apples to get me through the rest of my week here in Memphis, then I wanted a couple of bananas (I just feel so much better about myself when I eat fruit for snacks instead of junk food), and one small thing of peach yogurt. I got my apples and banana first, no problem, then came the difficult decision. Yoplait or Wal-Mart Brand? Hmm... Yoplait costs fifty cents, while Wal-mart is thirty-three cents. I tried to tally up my total shopping expenditures in my head, and I came out to just over two dollars total, since I didn't know the exact weight of my apples or bananas (I wanted to be sure to guess higher than the true value, sort of like "The Price is Right"). I decided, just to be safe, that I'd get the Wal-Mart brand. It still tastes good, just not as good as Yoplait.

So, I get my few goodies and head to the "10 Items or Less" line. If you didn't read about my last expedition to Wal-Mart, and my sister's comments about it, then what I'm going to say next won't mean much. Anyway, the women in front of me must have been storing up "points" for months, because she had to have 25 to 30 items on the conveyor belt. I will give her credit though, she turned around to ask me if I'd like to go ahead of her, since she went over the limit. I replied politely "No thank you. I'm not in any hurry." The guy checking her out wasn't as happy about it though. When she finished up, he looked at me as if to say "These freakin' idiots! Don't they see the sign says "10 Items or Less"?". I just smiled and asked how he was doing tonight. I was obviously doing better than he was, but I didn't rub it in or anything. I was just sure to say "Have a great night!". (I learned that from one of my buddies over at Hilltopper Haven. She always says to "kill 'em with kindness", and I trust her on that one.) Oh, and my total $2.17, so I had a little change left over.

Anyway, I had an action packed dream last night. I think it makes up for me not watching any TV lately. Who needs TV when your brain can make up even more elaborate stories?

My dream: I'm in Newburgh, Indiana, but it's not really Newburgh. I'm actually in some rural area, but people keep telling me I have to get back to Newburgh. I buy a 12-pack of Miller Lite and I'm trying get wherever it is I'm going. I'm also carrying a black coat, and a bag from some store. Somehow I end up walking through the lobby of a cinema where there are a ton of rednecks with mullets (it reminds me of when I was in high school, circa early 90's) being, well, rednecks. They're picking fights with anyone that isn't one of their buddies, and then they spot me.

I've got the black coat covering the beer, and I'm just trying to make my way to the front door without any problems. They keep yapping in my direction and end up coming over and kind of pushing on me. I just keep heading to the front door. I can see it not too far off. It ends up that one of the rednecks is a guy I went to high school with. I believe his name is Brandon Keith (that's what I tell myself anyway). I never really liked or disliked him, but he was known to be an asshole. He's trying to pick a fight with me, but I'm not taking the bait.

I finally make it outside and he's still hounding me. Somehow he knocks the black coat away and sees the beer I have. He starts yelling something, but I can't recall. Then, out of nowhere, there is a big, old, white Oldsmobile (early 80's Delta 88 style) swerving and driving all crazy right in front of us in the parking lot. Then we see a cop chasing them, but it's not really a cop. It's one of those mall security cars or something. The cop can't drive for shit either. The Olds is weaving and pulling U-turns and is easily getting away from the cop. After a U-turn, the Olds hits the gas and a maroon Cadillac pulls out in front of them. It hits the Caddy right in the rear passenger side quarter panel, but doesn't really slow them down. The Caddy gets out of the way, and the Olds takes off again.

Finally, I look at Brandon and tell him "Dude, we gotta get out of here! Something bad is going to happen! Can you see my car?" I'm looking around but can't find it anywhere. He signals me to come with him, since his truck is parked almost right in front of us. We run over to it and I'm trying to figure out how to get in. His truck is a lowered, white Semi, if that makes any sense at all. He had the top chopped too. It's really a piece of shit, but I'm happy to not be outside, in case gun fire starts up.

We drive around the parking lot looking for my car. We get out of his truck and start walking toward where the cops have somewhere around 12 to 15 Mexicans lined up along a wall. I have a flashback of the guys driving the car, and I swear that they were black, not Mexican, but who knows. As we're walking, I'm hitting the "panic" button on my car alarm, which should help me find it quicker. However, it makes some other car alarms go off. Specifically, there are two Honda CRX's that have their alarms going off. Some guy is standing by one and yells "Please!! Turn it off!" I hit the "panic" button again, and the alarm stops wailing.

We get past that car and Brandon walks up to three Hispanic guys standing near the other Mexicans. He talks to them a little bit in a language I can't understand, then turns and tells me "Yeah, all of those guys are in the Mexican Mafia. They're mostly just thugs, underbosses, and slave traders." He turns back to the three guys and talks a little more, then they all start walking away.

I look at the guys and say "You all aren't in the 'line-up'?". They just kind of look at me and we all walk off together. Then I wake up.

What it means? Oh geez!! Where to begin? Well, I guess I've never opined about my affinity for a beautiful mullet, have I? Well, that's a whole other story, but they do make me smile, as tacky as they are. I love this website, devoted to those that are devoted to their hairstyle.

I think my dream is made up of a lot of things. First, and foremost, I ate some spicy BBQ chicken last night with some red beans and rice. I had the last of my four pack of Samuel Smith's Nut Brown Ales too. It was my reward for getting below my target weight. Yes, I weighed in at 197.6 yesterday morning. However, I guess I overdid it last night, because I was back at 200.0 this morning. Regardless, I was at my target weight, and I look like I've lost some weight, not to mention my pants are fitting a lot looser than they used to (I'm chalking that up to the Ab Lounge).

Wow, I got way off course. Back to my dream... I'm not sure what the black coat symbolizes, but I know why I would try to conceal my liquid refreshments from a pack of idiot rednecks. That doesn't take a lot of brain usage.

As for the cinema? It's a place where people go, so maybe I wanted to be around people. I'd better tell myself now though, "Be careful what you wish for!", because I'm going to get that this weekend, hopefully. On a side note, I really do hope we have a lot of people come to our wedding. Moreso for Adrianne than myself. She doesn't like to be the center of attention, and I know how beautiful she will be. I see it everytime I see her, but many people never get to see how beautiful she is, so I want all of them to remember her at least this one day.

I have no clue what the car driving action outside was all about. Maybe I'm missing some action in my life (via not watching TV, because this scene was straight outta TV land)? Maybe it was just the spicy BBQ? I know what it's doing to my tummy this morning!!

I know I'm skipping around a lot, and I'm doing a horrible job of deciphering my dream, but I'm kind of rushed for time. I need to go run and get our department's assistant a gift certificate to get her nails done from down the street, as well as run to Walgreens to pick up my prescriptions for the trip. Then I need to... The list goes on and on.

The last thing I'll discuss is the "Mexican Mafia". I know where that came from. We're getting excited about our honeymoon in the Mayan Riviera. We'll be staying at the El Dorado Royale resort, about 30 miles south of Cancun. I can't wait!! Finally, a true vacation!