THE DAILY DIVERSION

TRAIN OF THOUGHT...

Well, I don't have one today. Really, my brain is kind of awash in nothingness. It's an odd feeling. The only thing I know is that I need to send my car payment off today. Other than that... NOTHING.

I must've used all of my brain power last night doing nothing, because that's what happened. I was in bed before 11 pm, and got a good night's sleep. Maybe that's it! I didn't deprive myself, like I usually do? Oh well! Enough of that talk!

I think I'll talk about some Miracles of Modern Stupidity instead. The first one comes to mind because it almost killed me this morning.

1) Stairs with steps that have overhangs. Something like this...


I'm sure some engineer, who's smarter than I, can explain why it's necessary to have that little lip on there. I think it's just on there to keep people from running up stairs. Everyday I only take the stairs down from my apartment to the street, then up at work to my office and vice versa when I go home. It's my way of fitting a little exercise into my normal working day.

Well today I was feeling a little spry, so I decided to pick up the pace heading up the stairs here at work. Well, I'm really not a clumsy person. I wouldn't have been as good at some sports as I was if that were the case. Anyway, I'm picking the feet up and putting them down at a pretty good pace when the toe of my right shoe catches one of these stupid overhangs sending me face first into the steps ahead. Luckily my reflexes are still semi-catlike and I throw my arms out to stop the devastation. I bruised my hand up a little bit, but it's better than having a broken nose! I can't imagine out wedding pictures with me having black eyes and a square nose?

2) Ketchup flavored potato chips. Yes, Adrianne and I saw these at the grocery story last week when she was here. Umm... YUCK!! I do understand that some people like to dip their potato chips in ketchup, and who am I to tell them otherwise. However, to actually produce chips flavored that way is just retarded! Next time I go to the grocery I think I'll yank every bag down and crush every last chips within them!


3) Cubicles.

Yes, this is something near and dear to my heart. It's not bad enough that we spend our entire working lives pecking away on a keyboard, under florescent lights, while staring at a 15 inch monitor (thereby ruining our vision), but we're stuck in a six foot by six foot space, if you're lucky (I've been in worse). Hell, even inmates get more room than that! They at least get a toilet in their residence too.

Us though? The everyday working person? We get some crappy natural toned 4 walled box with a three and a half foot opening to enter and exit. Now, I wouldn't complain, as much, if the walls actually went to the ceiling, truly partitioning me off from those around me, but no!! My walls are barely five feet tall. You know what? I'm 6'2". I can easily see over a five foot wall into everyone else's cubes on the floor. Also, short walls do absolutely nothing to block exterior noise. That means I have to listen to everyone else's phone conversations, whether I want to or not. This brings me to my last "miracle" of the day...

4) Speakerphones and the People who use them. I can understand why the speakerphone was created, and it's not that bad of an idea. However, there is a time and a place for such devices. Here is a short list of places they shouldn't be used:

• While you're in the bathroom on the toilet (plop, plop, fizz, fizz! Oh what a relief it is!), actually, while you're doing anything in the bathroom! It's just gross!
  
• If you're in a cube farm (AKA the office where everyone is separated by a five foot tall wall that's only an inch and a half thick)(AAKA MY FUCKIN' NEIGHBOR IN OUR CUBE FARM, RIGHT AT THIS VERY MOMENT -- I can't turn my headphones up enough to drown him out)
  
• While walking down the street (everyone else on the street doesn't need to know about your baby's daddy cheating on you with your girlfriend)
  
• While eating dinner at a restaurant (Yes, even freakin' McDonalds)
• While working out (really, if it's that important, get a earpiece)
• While standing in line, ANYWHERE!!! (I don't care what the person on the other end of the call is doing! I'm standing in line losing valuable seconds of my life that I'll never get back!)

Now, just to be fair, here's a short list of places where a speakerphone may be used:

• While making a conference call to coworkers not in your office, only if you have a private office with a door that closes, or a separate conference room
• While driving, with your windows up and no one else in the car
• While you're changing clothes
• On a deserted island, or anyplace where no one else is within earshot

Wow, that list is somewhat shorter! I wonder why?

Okay, I've had enough of being a smartass today. I guess I'll get to work now. Maybe not? I should try to start thinking about things I need to pack up tonight to take to Owensboro with me this weekend. I've been pretty lazy since Adrianne left, unless you consider wearing out the Ab Lounge we bought. It already needs some WD40 on the joints. Maybe that's just because I'm too heavy for it? No way!!

Good news about that though. I weighed in this morning at 202 (and that was after I ate breakfast). I'm almost to my target weight for the wedding. I wanted to be at 200 or below. Just a couple more pounds to go! Next week I'll need to go back to the Tux place and get refitted too, just in case!

I did get up and work out on it again this morning. If I can, at a minimum, do two sets of the four exercises in the morning, and the same at night, then I think I'll be doing pretty good. If I can sneak in a lunchtime rep or two, then that will be even better. Now I just need to start jogging or at least get back to walking. That's part of why I take the stairs so much.

However, it's not easy pushing a shopping cart up stairs after you go to Hell-mart! (that's how we get out goodies from the bottom floor to our apartments in my building. People steal shopping carts from places and store then in the stairwells. It's a lot easier than trying to lug 25 full grocery bags, a case of bottled water, and your keys all the way to the elevator, then to your apartment. It really sucks when idiots keep the shopping carts on their floors!) I think tonight I'll take one of those torso shots of myself (like Beed has of him on the beach), but it'll be my "before" shot. If things go well, I'll have an "after" shot in a few months! I know my Boo Boo would like that!