THE DAILY DIVERSION

Like a lot of people I have problems listening. Well, for long stretches of time that is. I can sit there and act like I'm listening to you all night, but, in reality, I'm off in "la la" land. Just be sure not to ask me to recap what you said!

Anyway, my wife doesn't believe that I listen to her. Imagine that! Well, just to let her know that I'm listening, my brain decided to take all of the stuff she's been telling me about her days and dump them into one of my dreams last night.

Here are the things I can remember:

• I'm a third grade student in my wife's class. I actually look like myself and she knows we're married, but I think I'm doing some kind of undercover work or something.
• I go to switch classes for math, and suddenly I'm sitting there with no pencil or paper, while everyone else is writing stuff down. I ask if I can go to get my pencil and paper, and she lets me.
  
• I walk back to the other classroom, but they've moved around the desks and I can't find which one is mine. So, I start walking down the hallway to find my locker. In this maze of a school I get lost and end up over near the 7th and 8th grade classrooms, which is bad news.
• A fifth grader walks up on me and tries to bully me around. We get into a scuffle and I actually get the best of him. Then he pulls out a butane lighter that he says would be a torch if it had any "gas" in it. We become friends (I think), he gives me a little dap (fist bump if you don't know what it is), and points me in the direction of my locker.
• I walk down the hallway toward my locker, trying to remember the combination. Suddenly the fifth grader, whom I thought was my friend, comes running at me with a knife. I scramble around and, with kung fu like agility, hop up on top of the lockers. Now I'm hanging from the ceiling tiles fighting off his advances with my feet.
  
• About this time an 8th grader strolls up, not noticing me. It just so happens to be Gary Dourdan, the guy who plays Warrick Brown on CSI. He asks the 5th grader whats going on. I think he's trying to help me out.
  
• Things turn quickly and he starts trying to pull me down. Supposedly he wants my lunch money. I tell him I don't have any. While hanging, I somehow pull out my wallet and money starts flying everywhere. Most of it is counterfeit though. Instead of having Lincoln and those guy's mugs on the face of the note, I've got some guy named Ferguson and something else not even remotely close to one of our Presidents (I can't remember right now).
• I tell them I've got plenty more where that came from, if they'll leave me alone. I tell them that I can get them $30,000 in bills tomorrow. They let me go.
• I start heading back to my classroom, but get lost. At the same time I realize that I don't have my backpack, nor did I get my paper and pencil.

So, there you have it. I am listening to my wife on a daily basis. I like being the one that she talks to about her daily going's on. I'm glad I don't really have to tell her mine though. If I continue to have days like yesterday then I'm probably going to have to start drinking more. Really, all I wanted to do yesterday when I got home from work was grab a bottle and start giving it the "business".

I didn't though. I sat down on the couch, relaxed a little bit, then played some Xbox. Speaking of my gadgets... We ordered a new phone for me over the weekend. I got pretty much the same thing I had before, but it's the updated model. I got the RAZR V3i. It actually comes with Itunes built in, and an expansion slot that can hold up to 1 Gig in memory. Now that's not quite as stout as my Ipod, which holds 40 gigs of music, but it'll get me by. Adrianne actually asked me if she could have my Ipod. Anyone care to guess my reaction?

No, I didn't throw a backhand pimpslap down, but I think I might have said "Trick, please!" Actually, I think I said "Well, possibly. We'll see." Yeah, I'm a big puss, and wouldn't talk to my wife like that!

Anyway, I actually got around to getting this up this morning, for once. I thought I'd do it before I started dealing with everyone's problems. We've already got one going this morning. I had a voicemail waiting for me when I got here. Well, a couple of things have happened, and our stock is down 5% already today. They're thinking it might tumble as far as 15%, all today. See, this is what happens when other people try to tell you how to do your job! (well, I don't know that this is true, but I thought I'd stick my tongue out at the people that are trying to tell us how to do our job).

Last thing... Here is the updated "rule". Have a good one! (whatever it is)