THE DAILY DIVERSION

Of all of the bonehead things I say and do, you knew that it wouldn't take too long in this marriage for me to be relegated to the couch.

Well, it happened last night.

There was no screaming, yelling, gnashing of teeth, or even arguing between us. It was a simple matter of smell preferences.

I know, I know! You're thinking that I'm stinky (which is true, sometimes) and my wife kicked me out of bed. That's not how it went down though.

I'll start a few months ago... (imagine a blurry swirling pattern representing the beginning of a flashback)

My wife ordered some Skin So Soft body spray from our favorite Avon supplier. I don't think she thought it would smell exactly like the mosquito repellent, but a softer, smoother scent. Well, she was wrong!

Not only did it smell exactly like the stuff they use to ward off those little vampires, but it was actually ten times stronger. The first time she sprayed it on I told her "Hell no!! That smells horrible!"

So, it sat on the shelf for a while. Then, out of nowhere, she decides to pamper herself with it again last night. It took some time for me to notice it. I would catch a sniff of it in passing, but nothing I couldn't handle. It wasn't until it was bedtime that I got the full effect of SSS.

We laid in bed watching some TV before falling asleep. The door was closed and the ceiling fan was turned off. There was no place for the "aroma" to escape! Adrianne quickly drifted off to sleep, while I watched a really, really old episode of CSI.

My coughing started off small, but before long I was in full-fledged hacking mode, with the back of my throat on fire. Not long after that my nasal passage began to swell and wheezing ensued. The last straw was the burning in my eyes. They hurt bad enough that I didn't want to close them, yet I was so tired I couldn't keep them open.

So, there I am, butt naked under my 29 year old Superman blanket, with only a sheet between my body and the couch (just in case anyone reads this that might come over and hang out, the couch is safe! I promise), resting somewhat peacefully with my earplugs in. Well, until about 4 am. Sometimes I just hate my bladder!

There you have it! The misses did not kick me out of bed, per se. Instead, I traded a night full of snuggling with my lovely wife for one of uncomfortableness (yes, I know that's not a word) on the couch, just because of my stupid dislike for Skin So Soft!

(Footnote: In my wife's defense, she did not think that the smell would stay around as long as it did. She thought she'd spray it on -- right around 9 pm -- and it would be gone by the time I joined her in bed, around 11 pm. The smell did not bother her and had no affect of her allergies, sinuses, etc. Therefore, how would she know how it would mess me up?)

(Footnote #2: It did suck sleeping on the couch. For all of the time, prior to our wedding, we were apart, the only thing I really wanted was to be able to sleep through the night with her. I've enjoyed every night since May 27th that we've slept together. I like waking up and her being there. So, for it not to happen last night was really depressing! I just thought I'd add that in there. I know I'm usually very light-hearted and humorous, but I hurt sometimes too!)